AMC killed Mad Men and rising from it's corpse of a time slot is The Walking Dead, a show based on the comic series by Robert Kirkman and Tony Moore. Last Sunday's episode was super helpful as it showed us how to escape a mall that's surrounded by flesh-eating "walkers" without getting bitten or eaten alive. What's the secret? Find a dead zombie, hack him into bits, cover your body with the monster's blood and internal organs (thus smelling like a zombie), and then groan while walking with a Snoop Dogg-approved pimp limp to the nearest vehicle. In short, fake them zombies out.
But there are some out there who don't have to go that far, because they already look like one of the living dead. Here are five celebrities who wouldn't have to do a damn thing to survive a zombie apocalypse.
1. Larry King
He's the embodiment of the description "Walking Dead." But regardless of his resemblance to a zombie, in order to live 500 years as King has, we're figuring you had to devour human flesh at one point or another. So be forewarned young virgins, if you happen to pass Larry holding a clipboard in front of a Blood Mobile DO NOT agree to donate any blood.
2. Pete Doherty
Disheveled hair? Check! Rotting skin? Check! Inability to walk upright thanks to a profusion of illegal substances? Check!
3. Joaquin Phoenix
Initially, when thinking which celebrity best embodied zombie fashion -- unfitted rags covered in dirt and blood -- we automatically thought of Mary-Kate Olsen and her boho chicness. But Olsen's inability to eat food in general ("Uhm, is that brain diet?") made us reconsider her as a good candidate for a flesh-hungry heathen. Phoenix, on the other hand, has the same sense of style *and* seems creepy enough to bite you. At least Mike Tyson had a motivation...sort of.
We Believe Local Journalism is Critical to the Life of a City
Engaging with our readers is essential to Miami New Times's mission. Make a financial contribution or sign up for a newsletter, and help us keep telling Miami's stories with no paywalls.
Support Our Journalism
4. Keanu Reeves
We've got a feeling Mr. Reeves smells a lot like a rotting corpse. Well, if a rotting corpse smelled like B.O., moldy sandwich, and eternal sadness. And in this case, add Metamucil and Bengay to the list.
5. Mel Gibson
Seriously, all Mel has to do is grunt and yell "You should just fucking smile and bloooow me!" and zombies won't know the wiser. And if he gets bit, ah well. They already replaced him with Liam Neeson in Hangover 2.