It's mere hours after the 2012 Emmy Awards ended last night, and the whole world has already rehashed the fashion, debated the credibility of the award winners and lamented the poor luck of the shmucks who got all gussied up and excited, only to watch someone else take home the statue. There was glitz! There were jokes! There were emotional speeches!
To all of which we say: Meh.
We get that the awards are important to Hollywood, but for the rest of us, the Emmys exist as a form of voyeuristic entertainment -- who's looking the best, who manages to be genuinely funny, and who, well, doesn't. So that's how we've determined our own set of winners and losers from last night's telecast.
The best, the brightest, and the bombs, after the jump.
The whole world had a front-row seat to the Poehler Sideboob Party last night, and nobody was complaining, because the woman is a national treasure and we should worship all parts of her, including her reasonable amounts of cleavage. Plus, her mixed-up acceptance speech bit with Julia Louis-Dreyfus ensured that she still won the stage, if not the category.
Damon Wayans Jr and James Van Der Beek
The show was already dragging when these guys hustled out to say yet another hokey joke and give out another award. Luckily, they knew what was really important, announcing the score of the NFL Sunday Night game between the New England Patriots and the Baltimore Ravens.
Hey, look, they let him back on live TV! He's still a dick -- telling the audience that he hoped Louis CK would win and effectively dulling the real winner's moment -- but you've gotta admire his consistency.
Louis CK won two Emmys last night. He also just wins at life.
Every year, critics pile on the hosts of award shows and how much they sucked. We get that it's a tough gig, guys. But oh, Kimmel. From your awkward, nonsensical introductions to your extended, self-indulgent bits, we didn't laugh once.
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Speaking of self-indulgent bits: Transparently trying to get your viewers to advertise the show on social media does not entertainment make. Not even Morgan's hilariously tight, awkwardly buttoned glitter-tux could save that segment.
The Tony Awards director who won the award Gervais wanted to give to Louis CK? He got shafted. First, he had to listen to a comedian tell the whole world that he doesn't deserve the award. Then, because he was busy directing the Emmys, he had to give the orchestra the notice to play himself off the screen. Rough night, man.