The notion that all our good, non-sinning friends will vaporize and ascend to heaven tomorrow is a little bit dark and a whole lot of ridiculous. That's why our Rapture soundtrack includes this Darth Vader guy to the right, who plays the foreboding "Imperial March" before seamlessly segueing into Daddy Yankee's "Gasolina."
Beyond the Tim LaHaye plot points, the end of world just makes want to carpe the freaking diem. While Miami may not have awesome Rapture parties like San Francisco's Masturbate-a-Thon, this weekend has several worthwhile events at which to kiss your sweet ass good-bye.
- Cuba Nostalgia: As a public service, we explained the nine best ways to get your ass kicked at this expo celebration of all things Cuban.
Exxxotica: As we noted earlier, we're considering this adult film fair Miami's only rapture party. Celebrate hedonism and glory holes at the Miami Beach Convention Center. Ladies get in free tonight. Check the top Exxxotica events here and a roundup of the big stars involved.
Sebastian Junger: Get a little perspective about end days when this war journalist talks life on the battlefield in Afghanistan's Korengal Valley at Books & Books.
- Girl Talk: This mashup king is in town from Pittsburgh to blow your mind.
- Brickell Bazaar: West Palm and Broward have been hogging all the indie craft fairs. But tomorrow, you can shop handmade goods at Miami's oldest bar, Tobacco Road.
- Teresa Giudice: This Real Housewife not only flips tables. She cooks the food you put on them. To prove it, she's reading from her latest cookbook at Books & Books.
- 2 Live Crew: One of the highlights of Exxxotica is Saturday's performance of 2 Live Crew -- as nasty as they want to be.
- Lewis Black: Anger never looks as good as when comic Lewis Black unleashes his wrath on stupidity and current events. His "In God We Rust" tour stops in at the Hard Rock.
- Car Warz: For those who can't stop pimping their rides, there's Car Warz - an all-out freak-out over the best in rims, fins, and bass.
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The Agony and Ecstasy of Phil Spector: When a famous producer of pop music becomes a convicted murderer, filmmakers were inspired to artfully juxtapose Spector's penchant for doo-wop and knives. Read the review here.
- Ayikodans: About a third of Miami's population is Haitian. It's time you started diversifying your Sunday nights with Kreyol arts and culture.