Pulitzer Prize-winning historian David McCullough never finished his biography of Pablo Picasso. Why? He said the artist turned out to be boring. And if the guy who invented Cubism and was BFFs with Gertrude Stein and Andre Breton can't inspire a complete book, how many pages do you think your own life will fill?
It's a depressing thought, but one easily remedied by how you spend your time off from work.
Start making memoir-worthy memories this weekend with the following eleven events. One of them involves this earnest looking Canadian guy to the right.
- Rich Aucoin: This electronic music man from Nova Scotia will be at the Vag and we hear his shows often involve 3-D projections, crowd karaoke, confetti, and really great tunes too.
- Sex and Zen: A 3-D Chinese porn? In Coral Gables, the city beautiful? Sounds too wonderfully salacious to be true. For more, read our review.
- Henry V: Before Charlie Sheen started going on about feline blood, a young gent in Shakespeare's Henry V was yelling: "Imitate the action of the tiger!" Hear more gems from Henry tonight when New Theatre opens their version of the play. For a contrast, check out our list of the six biggest assholes in Shakespeare plays.
- Hot Natured: The ID Festival may have been postponed, but Hot Natured (AKA Lee Foss and Jamie Jones) will still play the Pickle.
- Gold Coast Derby Grrls vs. Fort Myers Derby Girls: A team since 2007, South Florida's roller skating heroines have finally got their cred. After a mere six months in the WFTDA (women's flat track derby association), they've bashed enough heads, knees, and points to make it to the regionals. This Saturday, they take on the Fort Meyers Derby Girls. Check this video from a previous match, which, of course, they won.
Optic Nerve: We called this Miami's Best Film Festival for a reason. The annual showcase of onscreen visuals is the anchor to Miami's thriving video art scene. This year, in honor of MOCA's 15 years, Optic Nerve will broaden its scope to national video art talent. Let's hope one of the four Miami artists selected from the 18 makes it into the museum's permanent collection. Here are the finalists.
- Radio Lollipop Laz-a-Roast: Sure, celebrity roasts on TV are fun. So can you imagine the gut busting of a public trial of a Miami celeb? Someone as omnipresent at Power96's DJ Laz? They had to fly in a professional -- Carlos Mencia -- to make sure the jabs will be nice and deep at Radio Lollipop Laz-a-Roast.
- Laffgasm: This one-night-only show will be performed in both English and Spanish, and will feature dance, music, poetry, art, and, of course, comedy.
- Jacuzzi Boys: It's bittersweet that local band Jacuzzi Boys are so effing famous -- they rarely have time for Miami shows anymore. But not this Saturday, when the band celebrates their latest release at Churchill's. Welcome home to the moist jacuzzi, boys.
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- Mommy Queerest: Mommie Queerest is an LA Weekly Theater Award-winning play that envisions Joan Crawford as a secret transsexual, a fact her daughter is trying to flash to the world. Sunday is your last chance to catch this South Florida stop on the national tour.
Conan O'Brien Can't Stop: This tour documentary shows what's it's like for a ginger to get royally screwed by NBC. Watch as O'Brien snidely reads an imaginary telegram from Leno asking, "What's it like to have a soul?" Zing. The docx screens at Cosford.