Why follow the exploits of manufactured celebrities like Bennifer when true notables like Genevieve the Dog really deserve your attention? As author of Memoirs of a Papillon: The Canine Guide to Living with Humans without Going Mad, the hirsute pooch has in a biting (excuse the expression) way explained the mystery of why our furry friends put up with all of our crap. Perhaps the words Alpo and Eukanuba have something to do with it? At 2:00 this afternoon, Genevieve and human helper Dennis Fried will appear at J.C. & Co., Books & More (46 Westward Dr., Miami Springs) to pawtograph her book and pose for pictures with fans. A portion of proceeds will benefit local animal rescue group Caring About the Strays. Admission is free. Call 786-337-8778. -- By Nina Korman
Theater keeps classic camp cool
Who: Real-life rivals Bette Davis and Joan Crawford, playing Jane Hudson, a badly aging ex-child star, and her crippled good-actress sister Blanche. What: ... What Ever Happened to Baby Jane? (arguably the campiest low-rent movie of all time).
Where: Shores Theater (9806 NE 2nd Ave., Miami Shores).
When: Today at 2:00 and 7:00 p.m., as the final flick of the "Dawg Days Afternoons" summer film fest.
Why: According to artistic director Rich Simone, because "the theater gets so cold -- we can't afford thermostats on our A/C -- we realized it's the one time of year people would be thrilled to be in the building."
Crawford insisted the movie set's temperature be kept at 50 degrees (vodka-spiked Pepsi kept her warm). Tickets cost $5 to $10. Call 305-751-0562. -- By Pamela Robin Brandt
Sounds Like Fun
Cuban onomatopoeias carry audience appeal in Miami. El Mikimbin De Miami has its devoted television viewers who tune in nightly on channel 41 for an all-out Cuban extravaganza. Fuácata, Little Havana's rocking party, packed in droves of music lovers every Thursday. Although they don't really mean anything, the words Mikimbin and Fuácata are fun to say. Now Guateque bops into our cultural radar each Sunday with traditional Cuban son and descarga at Hoy Como Ayer (2212 SW 8th St.) with Conjunto Progreso. The weekly party starts at 6:00 p.m. Admission is $5. Call 305-541-2631. -- By Juan Carlos Rodriguez
Expert tells realities about manipulating reality
Let's see what's new in plastic surgery in Miami, according to the hit cable TV show Nip/Tuck: McNamara and Troy's medical practice comes under siege when the doctors botch a tummy tuck and leave an instrument in a very rich and influential patient, Mrs. Grubman. Grubman demands $10 million. Instead of taking the money, Grubman promises that she will drop the lawsuit if Dr. Troy will have sex with her. The two never sleep together, but Dr. Troy must provide Mrs. Grubman with all the free plastic surgery she wants.
This description comes from the Parents Television Council, purveyors of an inadvertently hilarious Website devoted to boycotting the show on moral grounds. The less-prudish American Society of Plastic Surgeons supports that initiative, strongly denouncing the show as "sensational, bordering on the absurd ... it certainly is not realistic. Board-certified physicians [are] trained to be concerned care-givers, wound-care experts, as well as artists and meticulous surgeons."
Expect cosmetic surgeon Dr. Eduardo Barroso to reinforce that position when he speaks at 7:00 p.m. at Baptist Medical Plaza at Westchester (8840 Bird Rd., Suite 400). He is expected to discuss advances in plastic surgery. He is not expected to stab anyone with needles full of Botox. Cost is $5. Call 786-596-3895. -- By Robert Andrew Powell
Bringing in the Other Man
Family strife? Let FamilyLife Marriage Conference put the Jesus freak back in your marriage. The interdenominational evangelistic ministry, established during the free-love '70s and based in Little Rock, Arkansas, the city that brought us the Clintons, brings its couples crusade to Miami. Being lectured on conflict resolution, household harmony, recapturing romance, and praying, of course, might just save you. And there's more, including a "romantic date night," but if these sessions fail to, er, satisfy, there's a money-back guarantee. The conference begins at 7:00 p.m. and runs through Sunday, September 28, at the Miami Airport Hilton, 5101 Blue Lagoon Dr. Admission costs $89. Call 800-358-6329. -- By Victor Cruz