Destructive Finicism

Football is America’s greatest blood sport. From the busted knuckles to the broken bones, we love each concussive moment. Every Sunday in season, our collective ears boom with the percussive force of 22 bodies on the field of battle colliding through time and space. It is orchestrated mayhem, tribal brutality, and trench warfare all in one. Sure, complex strategy and profound intellect are also at work, but at its core, professional football is the violent, unabated synthesis of corporate greed and animal instinct. Experienced live, its crescendos of fury are at their most compelling, and the upcoming Miami Dolphins versus Green Bay Packers brawl is no exception. Our Dolphins will bury the Packers so far under Sun Life Stadium (347 Don Shula Dr., Miami Gardens) that those Wisconsin wimps are gonna wake up in Australia. We’re gonna rip them limb from limb and use their stumps for fishing chum. We’re gonna pound them like a sledgehammer pulverizes steak. We’re gonna barbecue their souls with a side of baked beans. Then we’re gonna Instagram it, because we are the Dolfans, and our team may not be the best, but even at our worst, we’re still better than the rest. Tickets cost $70 to $700, and kickoff is scheduled for 1 p.m. Sunday. Call 305-943-8000 or visit sunlifestadium.com.
Sun., Oct. 12, 1 p.m., 2014

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