According to the Sun, Glenn "Bunny Boiler" Close has apparently beat out Catherine Zeta Jones and Robin Williams (who apparently loves dressing in drag and speaking in a British accent) for one of the most coveted roles in Hollywood -- Susan Boyle.
Frumpy, caterpillar-eye-browed, Pebbles-the-cat-loving Susan Boyle rose to international fame in 2009 when a video of her as a contestant on Britain's Got Talent was uploaded onto YouTube making her a viral video phenomenon, a household name, and worth an estimated $16.5 million.
And in honor of Boyle's biopic, we've chosen 10 other actors we feel would be perfectly suited to play some other noteworthy viral superstars. Not that Hollywood has ever asked us for our preference or anything.
1. Kim Kardashian as Spaghetti Cat
Have you seen her face lately? Plus, Spaghetti Cat and Kim have the same exact talent -- the ability to become famous for doing absolutely nothing.
2. Emmanuel Lewis (AKA Webster) as Latarian Milton
Milton was 7 years old when he stole his grandmother's car and Lewis
is eternally 7, so who better to play the role? No one! Plus, who
doesn't want to see Webster "do hood rat stuff"? Okay, maybe not the
Papadopolises, but, we sure do!
3. James Gandolfini as the Crying Rainbow Dude
Just to see Tony Soprano play a hippie and cry over a rainbow. Need we say more?
4. Dakota Fanning as Chris "Leave Britney Alone!" Crocker
Fanning is a talented young actress who has proved on several occasions
that she knows how to cry on command. And despite a really awkward
tween phase, Fanningi's pretty, tiny, and really fem. So is Crocker!
5. Dave Chappelle as Antoine Dodson
Chappelle can master the fine art of imitating Rick James and Prince,
we'd love to see what he'd do with Dodson, or rather, we'd love to see
Dave Chappelle period. Come back Dave, we miss you! You can intrude our
beds anytime...just so long as your funny.
6. Chuy Bravo (from Chelsea Lately) as La Pequena
Chelsea Handler's little nugget has a sex tape and Le Pequena is the
sexiest thing that's ever come out of South America, so, we feel it's a
7. Andy Dick as David After Dentist
Wouldn't it be fascinating to watch a world-class thespian like Dick act
like a drugged-out child? It'd be a real stretch for him. Kind of like even-tempered Faye Dunaway playing evil Joan Crawford in Mommie Dearest. Total. Stretch.
8. Andy Milonakis as Gary "Numa Numa" Brolsma
Milonakis's career started on the internet (when he began to post homemade sketches on his website angrynakedpat.com) and Brolsma is pretty much one of the first internet superstars, so we feel like it's a perfect match.
9. Jessica Simpson as Caitlin Upton, Miss Teen South Carolina 2007
Blondie, Southern twang, excellent command of the English language --
honestly, we're not really sure this wasn't Simpson in disguise.
10. Lindsay Lohan as Lauren Bernat, the Wii Fit Hula Hooper
Let's be honest, girlfriend needs a job. Also, imagine all the money the
prop master can save! All they have to do is tell Lindsay to show up to
set right after indulging in her favorite recreational activities
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(knitting, feeding orphans, cocaine) and she'll reenact the scene
without the aid of a Wii Fit. What an artist! We smell an Oscar coming, Linds!