Film & TV

Cookie Monster and Kirk Douglas Will Cohost 84th Academy Awards

Last night's Oscars was a total snooze-fest. No shockers, all the winners were predictable, and host, Anne Hathaway, stood on stage all night like a jittery but beautiful bobble-head nervously attempting to pick up the charisma-slack for her co-host, James Franco, who was about as exciting as a movie called The King's Speech sounds.

Then came Kirk Douglas. Wow. Who knew loopiness, liverspots, and horniess would make such an delightfully entertaining combo?

Douglas's comedic timing during his "zingers" (i.e. "Colin Firth is not laughing, he's British") was so off, it just made the entire presentation for Best Supporting Actress even funnier.

Did anyone understand what the hell he said between "Where were you when I was making pictures?" and "Well, here they are!"?

We're thinking it was along the lines of "I have something to confess, I love terrorizing women and I pray to the above boob-head of a woman, and now I'm going to give you five of them" Five boob-heads??? All for us???? Aw, shucks, thanks Kirk Douglas! Here's a butterscotch square.

And Douglas receives bonus awesome points for first sticking the envelope with the winner's name in his mouth, playing a game a cane-o-war, and then dismissively throwing the envelope on the ground once he had opened it. Man. It was almost as magnificent as seeing the Cookie Monster on Top Chef eat a table cloth out of anxiety (at 00:47 mark) while watching a Quick Fire Challenge.

So, we're thinking if the American Academy of Arts and Sciences wants two co-hosts -- one nerve-stricken but charming and the other as lively as a stiff-board -- may we suggest a Cookie Monster/Kirk Douglas hosting stint for the 2012 Oscars?

Someone start making a Facebook page, stat!

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Elyse Wanshel
Contact: Elyse Wanshel