Comedian Jessica Gross on "Mr. Bang Bus," Awkward Swagger, and How to be Her Valentine

Calling Jessica Gross prolific is an understatement. It would probably be much easier to call her by the many titles she's worked so hard to earn: comedian, cartoonist, writer, horoscope mocker, host of comedy nights all around Miami, 2011 New Times Broward-Palm Beach Best Comedian, heckler annihilator, former Cultist contributor, and most of all, "that tall hot funny chick."

But don't let those good looks deceive better taste; she would be as outstanding an entertainer if she wore a six foot tall burlap sack and was the victim of a jealous comedian conspiracy that involved a jar full of sulfuric acid.

Don't get any ideas.

Her comedic skills have landed her a slot on an upcoming comedy show curated by South Florida comedy gurus The Have Nots, taking place February 23 at Just The Funny Theater in Coral Gables. The show focuses on local talent, nine Florida comedians coming together to display their skills that will be filmed for ComedyTime.tv, an online provider of comedy content based in Los Angeles.

While the other comedians on the bill have their own reasons to be proud, Jessica brings her own brand of female locker room talk. Call it a form of new meta-feminism, one that goes beyond the worries of the feminine mystique and presents it in the same way a guy proudly displays his balls while drying off in a room full of strangers after a good workout.

Its probably how she earned the moniker "Jessica Is Gross."

We asked Gross about her brief time living in New York City, her comedy, and why she won't give a short dudes a chance.

New Times: Is it harder to write a joke, or get up on stage and tell it?
Jessica Gross: It's harder to try and do a cart wheel at 31 years old with no health insurance in my immediate future. But this video makes me believe:

What is your absolute worst fear that could realistically happen during a taping of your set?
That someone will throw their dirty underwear at me. I have a way with people, some may call it charm, but I call it "Awkward Swagger."

You briefly fled Miami for New York. Did New Yorkers not get the talking vibrator jokes as well as Miamians?
Listen, people love vibrators no matter where you live, even Utah. Although they are probably just using them as back massagers there. Who am I kidding? Utah likes to get down too!

Greater chance of being groped: New York subway during rush hour or Hip-hop Weekend on South Beach?
There's a Hip-Hop Weekend on South Beach? I must have missed the bus! What? And I'll never ever ever do it again!*

*Name that artist and I will draw you a Valentine's Day card. Post in comments below!

Why do you hate on short dudes in your routine? The "mountain climbing" mentality just makes us try harder.
I don't hate, I regulate.

b>While on stage, if things are going for the worse, what's your go-to topic?
I just push on until it makes everyone uncomfortable, then I cry, which leads to vomiting, then the audience begins to vomit kinda like this clip from "Stand by Me."

Worst/best heckle?

There are many but "Mr. Bang Bus" stands out above the rest:

The Have Nots present ComedyTime.tv Live Taping. Saturday, February 23, 10:15 p.m. Just The Funny Theater, 3119 Coral Way, Coral Gables. Visit justthefunny.com or call 305-693-8669.

Follow Cultist on Facebook and Twitter @CultistMiami.

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