There are a lot of things wed like to ask Kathy Griffin. What part of your body hasnt been professionally assessed by a plastic surgeon? What really happened to your first assistant, Jessica? Whos better in bed: Jack Black, Steve Wozniak, or the Old Spice Guy? But we cant, because every time this fiery ginger-crotch with a sailors mouth comes to town, she shoots down all of our requests for an interview. Why, Kathy, why?! For someone whos such a media whore or, lets be honest, an all-around whore (really, Kathy, 50 and Not Pregnant? Youd better be praying to the gods of menopause for their good graces) you sure like to stray away from the one paper in Miami that actually appreciates your raunchy, gossipy, and tell-it-how-it-is sense of humor. But whatevs, its not like were going to blow $49 to $79 on a ticket to see your supertoned ass at the Arsht Centers Knight Concert Hall Monday. Well just sneak in with a box of wine, get drunk, and then yell/ask our questions from the nosebleed seats during your act. See you Monday, bitch.
Mon., March 28, 8 p.m., 2011