Calendar for the week

september 18
Paul George Gallery Walk: He's baaaack. Miami's tireless homeboy historian Paul George is renowned in and out of town for his lively, informative tours about the people and places that make this such a weird and wonderful place to live. The professor celebrates ten years of exploration by launching a new series of tours tonight at 6:00 at the Historical Museum of Southern Florida (101 W. Flagler St.). Comfortable on land, at sea, or using various forms of public transportation, George stays on the ground this time as he leads a guided walk through "Tropical Dreams," the museum's permanent exhibition, which delineates 10,000 years of South Florida history. Admission is $15. After the tour, partake of complimentary refreshments, then check out (unescorted, of course) the special multimedia exhibition on drumming and related arts, "Caribbean Percussion Traditions in Miami." Call 375-1492. (NK)

Festival Miami: The University of Miami continues its monthlong classical music series tonight at 8:00 with a concert by the Turtle Island String Quartet, which will perform jazz standards by Dizzy Gillespie, Thelonious Monk, Pat Metheny, and others, plus original jazz/classical/rock/world beat compositions. Tickets cost $15. The fest continues with a two-day Chopin celebration, beginning tomorrow at 10:00 a.m. with a free master class by Polish pianist Jan Gorbaty in the Clarke Recital Hall (behind Gusman Concert Hall) and culminating with a free all-Chopin concert by Gorbaty on Saturday at 8:00 p.m. (the previously scheduled concert by Sergio Daniel Tiempo has been canceled). On Sunday at 8:00 p.m. Brazilian guitar-playing brothers Sergio and Odair Assad present a tribute to composer Heitor Villa-Lobos, plus works by Jobim, Piazzolla, and others. Tickets cost $18. All concerts take place at the Gusman Concert Hall (1314 Miller Dr., Coral Gables) unless otherwise noted. Festival Miami runs through October 18. For a complete schedule, see "Calendar Listings" or call 284-4940. (GC)

Writers on the Bay: Among the many celebrated authors to emerge from South Florida are the three participating in tonight's "Writers on the Bay," a reading by Florida International University alumni -- Barbara Parker, author of the legal thrillers Suspicion of Innocence and Criminal Justice; Stephen Benz, who has written travel memoirs such as Guatemalan Journey and the upcoming Green Dreams, and who also chairs the English department at Barry University; and Vicki Hendricks, author of the rather notorious Miami Purity and an instructor at Broward Community College. All three will read from their recent works starting at 8:00 p.m. at FIU's North Miami campus (151st Street and Biscayne Boulevard, room HM-135). Admission is free. Call 919-5857 for more information. (JO)

september 19
Florida AIDS Action Council Benefit: Get caliente on the dance floor at this cool fundraising bash featuring Cuban chanteuse Albita and her band. Proceeds benefit the Florida AIDS Action Council, a statewide nonprofit organization devoted to prevention, education, treatment, and advocacy issues for people infected with and affected by HIV/AIDS. Festivities begin at 6:30 p.m. at the Fontainebleau Hilton (4441 Collins Ave., east ballroom, Miami Beach). Expect the steamy sounds of son to commence shortly thereafter. Tickets cost $20, $50 for VIP seating. Call 891-3666. (NK)

Taste of Art and Jazz con Sabor: Miami Lakes acquires a different flavor as this ninth annual arts and music festival takes off on Main Street (6843, to be precise) this weekend. Roberto Torres, Hansel y Raul, Carlos Oliva y Los Sobrinos del Juez, Dana Paul and the Nantucket Sound, Raul Midon, Eric Allison, and Melton Mustafa's Big Band are among the 23 jazz, pop, and Latin music acts to perform on three stages. More than 150 artists, craftspeople, and food vendors offer their wares (proceeds benefit the United Cerebral Palsy Association). Admission is free. Festival hours are 6:00 to 11:00 p.m. tonight, 10:00 a.m. to 11:00 p.m. tomorrow, and 10:00 a.m. to 8:30 p.m. on Sunday. Call 817-4006. (GC)

Festival Miami: See Thursday.

september 20
Y-100's 24th Birthday Bash: Gloria Estefan. Jon Secada. Night Ranger. What to say? If you like this kind of stuff, nothing's going to change your mind. It's $24, 6:30 p.m. at the Miami Arena (721 NW First Ave.; 530-4400). The rest of you, read on. We are talking about a radio station that has survived 24 years in the volatile South Florida market while playing dead-center-of-the-road vanilla pop that is offensive precisely because it's so bland, and now they have now taken it upon themselves to thrust on us this yearly self-congratulatory romp through hell. Then they have the nerve to charge 24 bucks for it and act as if it's such a bargain we should be eternally thankful they've limited ticket sales to the tricounty area. Never mind that we have all seen Gloria and Jon more times than Sly Stallone has cursed the day he ever moved to Miami, but they just had to dig up Night Ranger from whatever dusty cemetery of mediocre hair bands in which they were buried. Enough said. (JO)

Ronda Gitana: Bailes Ferrer, Broward County's first (and as far as we know only) flamenco dance and music company, presents its second annual dance concert tonight at 8:00 and tomorrow at 3:00 p.m. at the University Center for the Performing Arts (2240 SW 70th Ave., Davie). Ronda Gitana is a dance journey that depicts the migration of Gypsies from India to southern Spain, incorporating dance and musical influences from the Middle East. Additional performances take place September 27 and 28 at the Broward Main Library Theater (100 S. Andrews Ave., Fort Lauderdale). Tickets cost eight and ten dollars. Call 954-384-2241. (GC)

Celebrate! An American Rhapsody: Britannia doesn't rule when the very British James Judd, musical director of the Florida Philharmonic, celebrates his tenth season with the orchestra by staging a series of performances featuring the works of American composers. The fun starts with a family concert at 2:00 p.m. at the Broward Center for the Performing Arts (201 SW Fifth Ave., Fort Lauderdale). The hourlong concert will include selections by Samuel Barber, Leonard Bernstein, Aaron Copland, and George Gershwin, among others. Things get really good, however, when ten-year-olds or anyone turning ten this year join the charismatic Judd on-stage, where they will be given a conductor's baton as a gift and be serenaded by the orchestra and audience with "Happy Birthday." Tickets cost $12 for adults and $6 for children under age twelve. On Tuesday and Wednesday at 8:00 p.m. adults can leave the kids at home and attend the Philharmonic's first "Masterworks" performance, also at the Broward Center. The program features modern American music by Leonard Bernstein, Edward MacDowell, Jonathan Holland, and Ellen Zwilich. Tickets range from $17 to $70. Call 930-1812. (NK)

Festival Miami: See Thursday.
Taste of Art and Jazz con Sabor: See Friday.

september 21
Mr. T Experience: After more than ten years of this band playing punk, the "I pity the fool" jokes and comments about gold chains go over as well as a prime-time rerun of D.C. Cab, but the pop-punk antics of the Mr. T Experience are still in fine form with the band's eleventh release, Revenge Is Sweet, and So Are You. Occasionally certain bands and certain venues combine to nurture a musical genre: Just as CBGB's and the Ramones got punk cooking in New York, the Bay Area Gilman Street Project and the Mr. T Experience fired up the California punk scene that influenced Green Day, the Offspring, and Rancid. Experience the lighter side of punk when the MTX's world tour hits the House of Rock (5360 N. Federal Hwy., Pompano Beach) tonight with opening acts the Groovie Ghoulies and the Groovenics. Admission to this all-ages show is seven dollars. Doors open at 7:30 p.m. Call 954-429-9966. (LB)

Festival Miami: See Thursday.
Taste of Art and Jazz con Sabor: See Friday.
Ronda Gitana: See Saturday.

september 22
Dan Bern: The music of Dan Bern has invited comparisons to Bob Dylan and Lenny Bruce -- his astute social observations and perverse humor cut similarly to the bone. A rural Iowa native who traded in his cello for a guitar after eight years of lessons, Bern dips into the great American songwriting tradition of Woody Guthrie, Hank Williams, and of course, Dylan. His songs are populated by celebrities (Marilyn Monroe, Kurt Cobain, and another hero, Bruce Springsteen) and boast meandering story lines that are carried by his nasal voice. Bern released his first full-length CD, the aptly titled Dan Bern, earlier this year on Sony's Work label, and it earned nods from the Village Voice and the New York Times (yep, more Dylan comparisons all around). Bern performs tonight at 8:00 at the Miami Museum of Science (3280 S. Miami Ave.) Tickets cost ten dollars. Call 995-2264. (GC)

Festival Miami: See Thursday.

september 23
Carl Tandatnick: As a physician, Dr. Carl Tandatnick is continually confronted with death and disease. As an artist, he deals with death and disease on a different level -- as thematic inspiration for artwork that comments on the social issues of health and medical technology at the end of the Twentieth Century. Tandatnick uses images from the microscopic world in photo-silkscreens and paintings in "Blood and Virus," an exhibition on view through October 18 at the University of Miami's New Gallery (1300 Campo Sano Dr., room AR-101, Coral Gables), to depict the fragility of life and the ubiquity of AIDS. Tonight at 7:00 Tandatnick, an anesthesiologist, discusses his works in a gallery lecture. Admission is free. Gallery hours are 9:00 a.m. to 5:00 p.m. Monday, Wednesday, and Friday; 9:00 a.m. to 9:00 p.m. Tuesday and Thursday; and 10:00 a.m. to 3:00 p.m. Saturday. Call 284-2542. (GC)

Celebrate! An American Rhapsody: See Saturday.

september 24
Pizzicato Five: Composed of vocalist Maki Nomiya and DJ Yasuharu Konishi, this sophisto-swanko-super fantastic duo (formerly a trio) straight from Japan has been around for the past ten years but released its first American album Made in USA (a greatest-hits collection culled from twenty Japanese releases) only three years ago. Now touting its third U.S. album, Happy End of the World, the duo brings its North American tour, strangely dubbed "The Great Pizzicato Five Picnic '97," and its Warholian sensibility to the Respectable Street Cafe (518 Clematis St., West Palm Beach) at 11:00 p.m. The sound: an intoxicatingly catchy cocktail of funk, jazz, house, and trance mixed with a generous bit of sampling from Brit-rock to Burt Bacharach to bossa nova. The look: James Bond transformed into a kitschy Japanese club kid. The ticket price: eight dollars for this eighteen-and-over show. Call 561-832-9999. (NK)

Bob Paris: Contrary to popular belief, former Mr. America and Mr. Universe Bob Paris is not obsessed with his body. He would also like to be remembered more for his own accomplishments than for his very public (failed) "marriage" to model Rod Jackson (Paris quips that people would always ask which one of them was the blonde, which the dark-haired one). In Gorilla Suit: My Adventures in Bodybuilding, Paris shares many of the memorable moments of his life, from his serendipitous discovery of an unused weight room in high school to his coming out, and beyond. Paris discusses his book tonight at 8:00 at Books & Books (933 Lincoln Rd., Miami Beach). Admission is free. Call 532-3222. (GC)

Celebrate! An American Rhapsody: See Saturday.
Carl Tandatnick: See Tuesday.

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