Boozers vs. Beasts

As a general rule, it’s a really bad idea to get drunk at the zoo. Consuming massive amounts of alcohol while surrounded by wild, vicious beasts could very easily lead to any number of embarrassing and/or deadly mishaps. You might mistake a gorilla for your girlfriend. You might fall into...

By S. Pajot

April 22, 2010

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As a general rule, it’s a really bad idea to get drunk at the zoo. Consuming massive amounts of alcohol while surrounded by wild, vicious beasts could very easily lead to any number of embarrassing and/or deadly mishaps. You might mistake a gorilla for your girlfriend. You might fall into the lions’ den. You might even get gangbanged by a gaggle of goitered gazelles.

In the case of Miami New Times’ Brew at the Zoo, however, we’ve taken every precaution to make sure all intoxicated assholes will be kept several hundred yards from the animals. So feel free to drink beyond the point of reason at Miami Metrozoo this Saturday. There will be beer samples from Magic Hat, Titanic Brewing Company, Narragansett, and tons more — plus live music by the Dan Band, Juke, and King Bee.
Sat., May 1, 5 p.m., 2010

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