With 51 of the most beautiful black women coming to town to compete in the Miss Black USA Pageant, we thought we would ask a typical black man for some thoughts about the competition. New Times caught Liberty City's own Comedian Slo-Motion on his dinner break during his shift at Jackson Memorial Hospital. "We need to have a queen that's blacker than black. The [pageants] usually have, like, one black girl in it. But I wonder if a white woman could enter Miss Black USA. They're black enough, I mean, you can have Eminem's sister. But then in the white contests they treat them more like puppets, and the black woman, she's gonna have her own say.
"I want a fat girl to win, 'cuz it show that there's not prejudice against big women. You need to have a big woman cross the stage in her bikini and G-string. And you know she's gonna be hungry with all that walking.
"It's most important for Miss Black USA to remember that she's representing the whole entire black race. If you get caught smoking weed with Whitney Houston you gonna disgrace everybody. All eyes are on you. It's a tough game." -- By Juan Carlos Rodriguez
The Miss Black USA pageant takes place at 8:00 p.m. at the Radisson Miami Hotel, 1601 Biscayne Blvd. Tickets range from $32.50 to $63.50. Call 305-893-8073.
Saturday August 23
Spark Us, Garvey
Before Martin Luther King, Jr., or Malcolm X, there was Marcus Garvey, the original leader of black activism in the not-so-enlightened 1920s. In addition to establishing the Black Star Line of steamships, the Harlem resident founded the Universal Negro Improvement Association, an organization that at one time boasted a membership in the millions. Garvey had Jamaican roots and is considered a catalyst of the popular entertainment and arts of that country, as well as the spark that led to the Harlem Renaissance. So what better way to celebrate his birthday than with the music that his efforts spawned? Billed as Lionsplash: Pan-African Earthday Bash, the annual concert features reggae, soca, R&B, jazz, gospel, and hip-hop; spoken-word poetry; a drum tribute; a talent contest; plus food and drink. Lionsplash runs from noon until 1:00 a.m. at Florida Memorial College, 15800 NW 42nd Ave. Admission is free. Call 786-663-3000. -- By John Anderson
Tuesday August 26
Filmmaking is an increasingly difficult industry to break into. Budding artists have several barriers to overcome, including financing, advertising, and even finding an audience. Enter the Independent Film Project, a national nonprofit whose mission is opening doors for nascent filmmakers. Long ago South Florida was a hot spot of independent filmmaking, with Herschell Gordon Lewis, William Grefe, and the late Doris Wishman churning out pictures for a once-thriving B-movie market. To maintain a local presence, the Miami IFP chapter provides Show Us Your Stuff, a monthly showcase for filmmakers to exhibit their works in front of an audience. Films unspool at 7:00 p.m. at Cine-Video Tech, 7330 NE 4th Ct. Admission is $10. Call 305-538-8242. -- By Margaret Griffis
Thursday August 21
Dude, Where's My Book?
Surfer pens personal potboiler
The life of a six-time world champion surfer is tough, dude. Learning to surf in wave-challenged Florida. Risking your life off the shores of exotic locales such as Australia and Tahiti. Stretching your acting skills by playing a surfer on Baywatch. Being named one of People magazine's 50 Most Beautiful People in the World. Showing off your bod in ads for fashion designer Versace. Dating Hollywood hotties like Pamela Anderson. Horrible, right? All that's nothing compared with enduring teasing from friends for having a girl's first name. But the toughest thing? It's writing, dude. Not just my name. Like, a book. More than 300 pages. Pipe Dreams: A Surfer's Journey is my story. I wrote it ... myself. But now you don't have to pay the $24.95 to read it because I just recited my entire life. Damn! -- By Nina Korman
Kelly Slater appears at 8:00 p.m. at Books & Books, 933 Lincoln Rd, Miami Beach. Admission is free. Call 305-532-3222.
Eateries whip up meal deals
Wondering why your foodie friends have been piling on the pounds lately when they should be summer slim? August (and now September too) is Miami Spice Month, the time when lovers of fine cuisine can singlehandedly turn themselves into parade floats by chowing cheaply at nearly every upscale eatery in town. Presented by the Miami Convention & Visitors Bureau, the promotion offers eaters a three-course dinner for $29.99 and a three-course lunch for $19.99. More than 60 restaurants, including Azul, Christy's, and Ortanique on the Mile, are participating. Sure your buddies may end up pushing maximum density, but just think, they'll be left with a few pennies to foot the bill for that stomach-reduction surgery! See www.miamirestaurantmonth.com for details. -- By Nina Korman