UPDATE: Jazz in the Gardens, originally scheduled for this Thursday, has been canceled. This post has been updated to reflect the cancellation.
NOTE: Owing to the volatile situation surrounding the novel coronavirus (COVID-19) outbreak, New Times readers should not assume that any event that was "on" at the time of publication will not be canceled at a later time. We will do our utmost to update our stories to reflect cancellations, but please call ahead before setting out for any events.
Thursday, March 12
Between her time as the lead singer of the Supremes and her long solo career, Diana Ross has gone above and beyond in cementing her place as one of the greatest pop artists of the 20th century. The songstress' discography moves seamlessly between R&B, disco, blues, and Motown and houses classics such as the boundless "Ain't No Mountain High Enough," "Remember Me," and "Surrender " — songs that live eternally in both the proverbial and literal Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. Diamond Diana — a nickname bestowed upon Ross after she celebrated 60 years in the biz — will grace the Fillmore with a two-night residency to celebrate her 75th birthday. 8 p.m. Thursday and 8:30 p.m. Friday at the Fillmore Miami Beach, 1700 Washington Ave., Miami Beach; fillmoremb.com. Tickets cost $51.50 to $627.50 via livenation.com.
Bust out the PowerPoint and taped-up glasses, because Nerd Nite is back. This monthly event sees three highly knowledgeable locals share presentations of topics of their choice. This time around, attendees will learn about the legacy of slain rapper Tupac Shakur, the dangers of corporate conglomeration on franchise media, and the women who fought for Florida's national parks and unique ecosystem, including Marjory Stoneman Douglas and Juanita Greene. Be sure to catch Double Stubble afterward for fabulous drag performances. 7 p.m. Thursday at Gramps, 176 NW 24th St., Miami; 305-699-2669; gramps.com. Admission is free.
Friday, March 13
Nothing gets your heart racing quite like eating your weight in cotton candy and riding the Blitzer Coaster. Well, maybe there's one thing: doing those two things and then running to the front of the main stage to catch a set by freestyle queens Lisa Lisa, Exposé, and Erotic Exotic. The Miami-Dade County Fair will open its gates this Friday for three weeks of fun, rides, deliciously artery-clogging food, games, and mind-numbing entertainment. The organizers have consistently booked beloved throwback acts over the years (the 2019 edition boasted TLC, Ginuwine, and the Sugarhill Gang), and 2020 is no exception. All concerts will happen at the Main Street Stage and are free with fair admission. 3 p.m. Friday through April 5 at Tamiami Park, 10901 Coral Way, Miami. Tickets cost $10 to $25 via thefair.me.
Miami's Nu Deco Ensemble doesn't limit itself to just classical music, and to prove it, the groups invited jazz master Robert Glasper to inject his hip-hop-infused style into Nu Deco at New World. The ensemble will premiere a work it commissioned from Glasper. The night's repertoire will also include performances of Prokofiev's Fifth Symphony, Terry Riley's influential composition In C, and a suite of James Brown's music. That's jazz, romantic classical, soul, and minimalism all in one show — a pretty good deal. 8 p.m. Friday and Saturday at the New World Center, 500 17th St., Miami Beach; 305-673-3330; nws.edu. Tickets cost $55 to $85.
In case you weren't aware, Adam Sandler is cool again. He delivered a brilliant performance as jeweler to the stars Howard Ratner in the Safdie brothers' Uncut Gems, but the Academy summarily snubbed him. Seriously, it's almost better not to be nominated for an Oscar — the ultimate sign of mainstream Hollywood acceptance — so one's movie can go down in history as a true, uncompromised work of art. Also, in Sandler's case, it allows us to call the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences voters a bunch of feather-haired douchebag mofos and to threaten to make a garbage movie as vengeance. Sandler will be in town doing standup this weekend, so Miami can cheer him on in his valiant quest to make Hollywood pay for its insolence. Go get 'em, king! 8 p.m. Friday at Hard Rock Live, 1 Seminole Way, Hollywood; 954-797-5531; seminolehardrockhollywood.com. Tickets cost $50 to $130 via ticketmaster.com.
Saturday, March 14
At last, after years of waiting, Miami's Major League Soccer team will finally make its hometown debut. They may not have a permanent home in Miami-Dade, and they might be in the middle of a dispute over their name with one of the most illustrious football clubs in Italy, and, yes, they may be signing their jersey sponsorship over to Qatari royalty, and, all right, they may have lost their first game to LAFC (but only by one goal!), but goddammit, who doesn't love an underdog story?! Inter Miami CF will make its hometown introduction at the rebuilt Lockhart Stadium for a match against the other Los Angeles team, the LA Galaxy. Be there and enshrine yourself in the annals of sports history. 2:30 p.m. Saturday at Inter Miami CF Stadium, 1350 NW 55th St., Fort Lauderdale; intermiamicf.com. Tickets are sold out.
Global Cuba Fest, launched by Miami Light Project and Fundarte in 2008, is celebrating its 13th birthday this year. The 2020 edition will see the multiday gathering and its participants reveling once again in the rhythms, music, and culture of Cuba in venues across South Florida. The acclaimed festival's closing night is set to happen this Saturday. The evening will present the music of Jorge Luis Pacheco — one of Cuba's leading jazz pianists — and Alain Pérez, a pioneering artist in the Cuban contemporary scene, in addition to an appearance by the Julio Montalvo Orchestra. Celebrate the sounds of Cuba this weekend in the company of some of the island's finest musicians. 8 p.m. Saturday at Miami-Dade County Auditorium, 2901 W. Flagler St., Miami; miamilightproject.com. Tickets cost $30 in via ticketmaster.com.
Some artists are famous for their reclusive, private, and cynical dispositions. Abstract expressionist painter Clyfford Still happens to be one of them. The artist — who emerged from the same New York school of artists as Jackson Pollock and Mark Rothko — shunned the art market and maintained fierce control over the ownership of his paintings, demanding they be kept together even after his death, when he awarded most of his work to the city that would commit to building an entire museum just for him (it wound up being Denver). It sounds egomaniacal, sure, but many observers say Still's genius as a painter justifies his death-defying eccentricities. Miamians can decide for themselves this weekend when Pérez Art Museum Miami hosts a special showing of the documentary Lifeline: Clyfford Still. No matter how you feel about the man, the film is a special chance to experience some of the rarest paintings of arguably the greatest American art movement. The screening is part of the Miami Film Festival. 11 a.m. Saturday at Pérez Art Museum Miami, 1103 Biscayne Blvd., Miami; 305-375-3000; pamm.org. Admission is free with RSVP via miamifilmfestival.com.
JAZZ IN THE GARDENS HAS BEEN CANCELED:
It takes a lot to stand out during Miami's high season, but Jazz in the Gardens is working with all the right stuff. For the past 15 years, the music festival has consistently hosted local talent as well as a panoply of some of the most celebrated music artists. The two-day gathering will build on its impressive track record this year, boasting a lineup including Mary J. Blige, Nelly, Charlie Wilson, Jill Scott, the Roots, and other must-see acts. Gates open at 3 p.m. and performances begin at 4 Saturday and Sunday at Hard Rock Stadium, 347 Don Shula Dr., Miami Gardens; jazzinthegardens.com . Tickets for the two-day event cost $90 via ticketmaster.com .
Paul Reubens' comedy classic Pee-wee's Big Adventure has grown to become a rare family-friendly cult favorite in the 35 years since its release. Beyond its status as Tim Burton's first stab at directing a full-length motion picture, Big Adventure also cemented the iconic reputation of Reubens' character Pee-wee Herman. And who could forget Large Marge? This Saturday, fans of the quirky feature can celebrate its creation with a special screening. The event will also include a Q&A with Reubens himself. 7:30 p.m. Saturday at the Coral Springs Center for the Arts, 2855 Coral Springs Dr., Coral Springs; thecentercs.com. Tickets cost $42.27 to $80.25.
Sunday, March 15
Cruise to Little Haiti's latest lowrider show, Little Haiti Classics. Grab a cold brew at Panther Coffee, which will act as a home base, or pick up a michelada as well as offerings from vendors such as handmade metal outfitters Sangre Mala, Exile Books, and Tacos & Tattoos. Be sure to take a gander at the outrageous lowriders and classic cars that'll be on display while you soak in the sounds of Cyber Bullies and special guest DJs. Sunday at Panther Coffee Little Haiti, 5934 NW Second Ave., Miami. Admission is free.
Tuesday, March 17
Paint the town green and celebrate St. Patrick's Day the right way: in a pub. Since they opened their namesake in Coral Gables in 1986, John Clarke and Martin Lynch and have provided authentic Irish food and atmosphere to the neighborhood. The patriotic duo has hosted a raucous St. Paddy's Day party — which the pub boasts is "the only official St. Patrick's Day celebration" — for nearly as long as it's been open. The day will start bright and early at 11:30 a.m., at which point attendees can immerse themselves in the complete Irish cultural experience, bagpipes and all. Sounds will come courtesy of DJQ, who'll man the event's musical direction from noon till closing. 11:30 a.m. Tuesday at John Martin's Irish Pub & Restaurant, 253 Miracle Mile, Coral Gables; johnmartins.com. Admission is free before 4 p.m., after which there will be a $10 cover charge at the door.
Wednesday, March 18
The legend of Camelot and its inhabitants King Arthur, Guinevere, and Sir Lancelot have inspired many romantic retellings over the centuries. Rich with love triangles and duals, the fairy tale has provided ample fodder to storytellers since the 12th Century. It was most famously set to paper by T.H. White and later leaped onto the stage thanks to Alan Jay Lerner and composer Frederick Loewe. The newly revised theater adaptation of Camelot was met with critical acclaim on Broadway, and the original cast's studio album went on to top the charts. The production will reach Miami this Wednesday for a stint at Actors' Playhouse at the Miracle Theatre. The run is slated to conclude April 12. 8 p.m. Wednesday at Actors' Playhouse at the Miracle Theatre, 280 Miracle Mile, Coral Gables; actorsplayhouse.org. Tickets cost $40.