Every once in a while you have to have a weekend of keeping things classy, even if it's just to confirm for yourself that, yes, you do still crave jello shots and the occasional make-out session with a stranger. So the next three days will find you being literary in Coral Gables, classical in Miami Beach, or farm-fresh all the way down in Redland. So lift a glass of rosé to true class, Miami — there's always time for tequila next weekend.
Kevin Hart Book Signing at Books & Books
There's really no denying Kevin Hart's comedy. You find yourself laughing every time he's onscreen even if you don't want to (Get Hard, anyone?). If you've always wanted to meet this rock star in person, he'll take pictures with fans and hand out signed copies of his memoir, I Can't Make This Up. To participate, head to any Books & Books location, purchase a voucher, and take it to the event for your chance to pose with the king of comedy himself.
Third Eye Blind at Bayfront Park
Few things define the late '90s like Third Eye Blind's "Semi-Charmed Life." When those first few chords ring out, a montage of lily-white actors in flannel shirts and Chuck Taylors plays in your mind like a low-resolution dream. That was 20 years ago, and the band is commemorating its debut album by playing it in its entirety during the Summer Gods Tour. If you're a fan of their newer work, they're sure to end the night with those tunes. The similarly upbeat indie rockers Silversun Pickups will also perform, making this show is a nice start to mellow, nostalgia-tinged summer vibes.
Cuban Classical Ballet of Miami at Colony Theater
The Ballet Nacional de Cuba has found and trained dancers of international prestige while creating unique interpretations of ballet classics. Preserving the tradition of Cuban ballet, the Cuban Classical Ballet of Miami is a resource for dancers who leave the island's company. As part of the second program of this season, artistic director Pedro Pablo Peña will premiere Habaneras, a show inspired by paintings of Cuban women and set to the music of Cuban composer Ignacio Cervantes.
"North and South" with "The Long Road to Now" at the Wolfsonian-FIU
These days, every Instagram account is like a constantly updated museum gallery of vacation photos and latte art. But in 1954, Bernice Abbott couldn't see the nearly 2,400 photos she took while driving the length of Route 1 until after she arrived home. "North and South" is a selection of Abbott's images that documented the diversity of American life in a candid and pensive light. Alongside her photos, the Wolfsonian is exhibiting "The Long Road to Now," 15 digital photos taken in response to Abbott's work by photographers from all over the world.
Dean Napolitano at Open Stage Club
Dean Napolitano got his comedy start in Florida nightclubs and has reached Hollywood and beyond. His standup is a blend of what you'd expect from a Long Island comic — material about his Italian upbringing and the days before helicopter parenting — and contemporary pop culture. For example, what happens when you introduce your aging father to the poop emoji? For the kind of jokes millennials are too ironic to appreciate, head to this Have-Nots Comedy show.
Redland Summer Fruit Festival at Fruit and Spice Park
One thing Florida has over any other U.S. state is an abundance of tropical fruit. While folks in Indiana pay out the wazoo for star fruit, papayas, avocados, jackfruit, mamey, and mangoes, most South Floridians can pluck some out of their backyard or snag a few from an overwhelmed neighbor. To celebrate this decadent cornucopia, head to the Redland Summer Fruit Festival, where you'll find more than 200 varieties of mangoes plus all sorts of other fruits, vegetables, craft vendors, and freshly prepared food. Kids under 12 get in free and can take pony rides.
Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone at Adrienne Arsht Center
The first seven notes of the Harry Potter theme song are guaranteed to get any fan excited. And because the films have nearly eclipsed the books in popularity, it's no surprise that a symphony orchestra performing the score live alongside the films has become a popular national tour. Aside from seeing just how young Daniel Radcliffe, Rupert Grint, and Emma Watson look (those little chubby cheeks!), watching Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone amid the grandeur of the Arsht Center is sure to give you a new appreciation for movie scores in general.
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Dirt Devils Mountain Bike Festival at Virginia Key Beach Park
For the occasional bike rider, Miami has the perfect flat terrain. But some like it bumpy. That's why mountain bikers head out to Virginia Key to show off their skills. This week, the Dirt Devils Mountain Bike Festival, produced by Velosport Events, will take cycling to the next level. Spectators are welcome to watch the wheels go 'round and 'round on a 6.5-mile loop or even get on the trail themselves. There are categories for kids, everyone in the race gets free entrance, and cash prizes will go to the top three winners in expert and sport categories.
U2 at Hard Rock Stadium
It's been 30 long years since Irish rock band U2 released one of the most celebrated albums of all time, The Joshua Tree. But the anniversary isn't the only reason Bono and the guys decided to set out on Joshua Tree Tour 2017; politics also came into play. With the recent U.S. and U.K. elections, the world has come back in full conservative circle from the days of Reagan and Thatcher. It was only fitting for U2 to dust off these '80s-era tunes and take them on the road again. You can cry about the current state of affairs to classics like "With or Without You" and "Where the Streets Have No Name" and pray that Bono figures out how to save the world with the ticket sales.
Sweet Reggae at Sweet Liberty Drinks
What happened to reggae in Miami? Beyond a weekly event or two, the genre has been eclipsed by edgy garage bands formed by Kendall kids and DJs with dreams of being the next Khalid. But that doesn't deter from the undeniably tropical satisfaction of drinking a light beer or refreshing cocktail outside while real-life Caribbean music plays. And even though Verali is, in fact, a bunch of Kendall kids, and their music is a blend of reggae with funk, rock, and probably some young male angst, you'll get to pretend for a moment at their show that reggae hasn't abandoned us for Broward, while sipping under the stars in Miami Beach.