Basketball Wives Episode Seven: Evelyn Lozada Abuses Alcohol

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If you're devoted Basketball Wives fans like we are, you probably caught last night's episode and thought, "Finally!" Yep, this show is finally right where we like it: dramatic and bougier than ever.

Thanks to baby Jesus himself, we caught back up with the ladies poolside at the Perry Hotel (AKA the former Gansevoort), where Kenya Bell's earlier use of the word "loose" when referring to Evelyn Lozada was still the topic of discussion. Let us remind you that Kenya and Kesha were brought to the hotel by Evelyn to attempt to squash the beef between them. So, um, that went way better than planned!

After listening to Kenya trying to save her ass, we have decided that she is the new Meeka Claxton. No one likes her, and when she tries to explain herself, it's more confusing than any math problem our dumb asses have ever been forced to solve. In the words of Eve, "In her sick, crazy mind, she believes the bulls**t that she's coming up with."

If we can also give you one more piece of advice: Never, ever wear a kitten heel in front of Evelyn. Ever.

Back to Krazy Kenya: There are so many things going wrong in her life. First, she idolizes Jennifer Williams. If you want to get any of those ladies on your side, we think it's best to look other places for your hero.

Secondly, there is her choice of outerwear. (Please reference below.)

Moving on.

There were two precious moments in this episode: Tami Roman & Suzie Ketcham's make up, & Mindless Behavior's surprise at Shaunie O'Neal's daughter's birthday. Happy heartwarming fuzzy feelings, blah blah blah. Now, let's get to the good stuff.

The wives decided it would be a terrific idea to sit down with all the ladies (minus Jennifer and Royce, per usual) and talk about whether Kenya did or didn't call Evelyn a hoe. This conversation went down inside a private wine room. Upon walking in,  Suzie tells Evelyn, "Just don't pick up a bottle and throw it at her head." At which point all of Basketball Wives-watching America yelled "No! You should do that immediately!" Seriously, can we get some action already?

In Kenya's mind, she could deny 'til she died. That was until Kesha used her lawyer tactics to bring in her key witness to the conversation crime: her friend, Sakara. Upon the duo's arrival, Kenya looked way less than thrilled. Not wasting a goddamn minute, Evelyn asks, "Kenya, what do you have to say?" And from there, all shit hit the fan. We mean all of it.

Kenya proceeded to explain she didn't know if she had said it and repeated herself in a very "Who's on first?" kind of way for about five minutes. We would try to explain Evelyn's response, but really, she said it best,: "You're fake, you look crazy as hell, you try to walk around looking like mother-f***ing Jennifer. Your weave is starting to look like Tami's!" (Tami's reaction can be found above.) And to really get things going, after taking off her earrings, she asks once again, "Tell me you said that shit!"

When Kenya says she once again doesn't remember, with another sip of Evelyn's drink, she removes herself from the table, grabs a bottle of wine off the wall and throws it at Kenya's head, World Series style. Basketball Wives-watching America cheers wildly. But girl, why the expensive wine? In our house, we call that alcohol abuse.

But to say it isn't one of our favorite Basketball Wives moments to date, well, that would be a lie.

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