Yep, this was the scene that finally got us weeping.
Yep, this was the scene that finally got us weeping.

Avoid the Time Suck That Was Lost: Just Say No to Tonight's The Event

Yep, this was the scene that finally got us weeping.
The Event

, which premiers tonight, has been marketed as the next


. So what is

The Event

about? If you're asking yourself that question, the powers that be already have you by the balls. Let us save you six years.

The Lost creative team promised answers, only to appease their loyal fan base with breadcrumbs and bombastic season finales that always screamed, "Next season! The answers are coming next season!"

The beauty of a show like Lost has nothing to do with the show itself, but with the machinery behind the show. Lost, then, became a show about another mystery altogether...How would the writers keep it a secret that they actually had no idea where the show was going? This, of course, was why Lost lacked direction and cohesion. But why did we keep watching? Why did we cry so hard during the convoluted finale? Read on and learn TV writers' top three tricks.

A Hook

Lost: What is the island?

The Event: What the hell is the event?

The writers know you want to know, so they won't tell you, thus keeping

you watching. But how do they keep you watching without any answers?

The MacGuffin

Alfred Hitchcock coined and popularized the term, which stands for a

plot device that drives the story forward. Typically, it's something the

characters want that has no intrinsic value to the story, but pushes

the story forward. In Lost, the first three seasons were dedicated to

the Losties battling the Others, which didn't end up mattering in the

end, but we didn't know that as we watched.

Deus Ex Machina

The ultimate cheap device, used by writers everywhere to wiggle out of

tight spots, is when a plot problem is suddenly solved with the

contrived intervention of a new character. In Lost, after five seasons

of not explaining what the island was, the writers introduced a wishy-washy character named Jacob, who said a lot without saying anything.

Tonight's The Event premiere will hint at some great event, or at the

perpetrators behind the event. You will be in the dark for a very long

time, kept at bay by many a MacGuffin--car chases, the possibility of

nuclear holocaust, tsunamis--only to realize later that they weren't part

of a "larger, more intricate tapestry."

Then, The Event will culminate in a series finale event, where millions

will be disappointed upon realizing that the event was a non-event all

along. In the following promotional clip, the writers, bless their

hearts, are honest, saying, "The assassination plot is not the event,"

but this only means that they have so many MacGuffins that they can flat

out tell you about some of them! Don't fall for it!

-- A. Perez

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