Dear residents of Hialeah,
This morning, we'd like to call your attention to some very important news that will directly affect your daily life. And, in particular, your sexytimes.
Bang With Friends, the app you Hialeahans use more than people anywhere else in the state of Florida, is no longer called Bang With Friends. Henceforth, you'll be using an app called DOWN to casually get it in with random acquaintances. Be advised.
In an announcement sent to New Times by "Colin, Chief Bangin' Officer" of the newly named app, DOWN explains that the change reflects a "simpler, sexier" approach to casually schtupping that girl you know from work:
Bang with Friends is simple, honest and brazen. Today, we announce that we are doubling down on our commitment to those qualities with our new company name, DOWN. We chose DOWN to represent the simple, natural way that our generation dates, without alienating people who may not want an app that says 'bang' but are totally down otherwise.
But like everyone else in the world of online dating, DOWN's only telling you part of the story. Bang With Friends was also compelled to change its name after online gaming company Zynga, which holds the trademark on Scrabble ripoff Words With Friends and the hangman game Hanging With Friends, sued the creators in Bang With Friends in federal court. The two companies reached a confidential settlement out of court, but a Zynga representative told All Things D that "Bang With Friends, Inc. acknowledges the trademark rights that Zynga has in its With Friends marks and will be changing its corporate name and rebranding its services in the near future."
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But whatever, man. Horny people in Hialeah got to get laid. So DOWN's rolling out new apps for Android and iOS, both advertised as a "drastic improvement from the first version: sexy and smooth new interface, nearly unlimited potential matches with your friends and their friends, and a refined way of conveying your true intentions with each hottie: to date or to get down."
Promises of a "drastic improvement"? We've heard that line before.
Follow Ciara LaVelle on Twitter @ciaralavelle.