Hello, Kitty: I'm a 41-year-old woman and have been married to the same guy for 15 years. I am thinking of taking a lover because my husband does not fulfill me sexually, and I can't stand it anymore. When we met, he had a problem of finishing fast, but with time and love, we found ways around that problem. But I don't know what's happening to me right now — my hormones are driving me crazy and I cannot be satisfied with what he's giving me. I want someone who can do it, over and over again, someone who plays in bed and who has a higher sex drive. I don't want to leave my husband, but I know he'd catch me. I don't want to jeopardize our family, but at the same time I'm dying here! What to do?
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Hey, Horen: There are many ways to deal with this issue, but you have to ask yourself: Which consequences am I prepared to deal with? If you take a lover, there's a chance your hub will find out, leading to discord and/or divorce; you could fall for the piece of meat (which a proper playa never does); or that experience could be unfulfilling, forcing you to search for yet another stud. If you stay with your man, orgasmless and starving for the perfect poke, you'll become one of those uptight, surly broads who make you say to yourself, That bitch needs some. Tough decision. However, since you've asked, I will oblige.
The angel on my right shoulder is telling me you should have a conversation with your husband about this — he might be as unfulfilled as you. Even if he's fine with the way things are going in the bedroom, he'll probably want to do whatever it takes to bring the sexy back. You say you two solved his lil' Speedy Gonzalez issue before, so you can certainly team up and tackle this problem too. Or just get a dildo and an imagination and work it out on your own.
Now, since I read your letter, the devil has been screaming in my ear that you should take a vacation — three days to somewhere fabulous. Tell your hub that you and your girlfriends/cousins/co-workers are going; he's not invited. While in the exotic locale, drink margaritas. Fuck a hot guy. Multiple times. Return home. You'll glow. Blame it on the suntan. "Hi, honey... Very relaxing." Three months later, repeat. Get it? Meow.