50 Reasons Florida Is the Best Effing State in America

Just as no one can talk about our mamas but us, no one can talk shit about our state except our own news blog. So when Gawker recently ranked Florida the 12th worst state in America (better than Alaska [#11] but worse than Arkansas [#13], really Gawker?), well, truthfully, we just went to the beach and forgot all about the crappy website.

But then other blogs began touting their home state as the best, and we got a little competitive. Oh really, Colorado, you have mountains? Minnesota, you have lakes with cabins? Game on, United States of America.

We come from the land of Tony Montana. We eat breakfast with parrots and leave sweat stains that look like Mickey Mouse.

Gawker called Florida a kooky, charming, fucked-up swamp. So here are 50 reasons our quirk and warmth should get us crowned best effing state in the union.

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New Times staff