PETA recently launched a (typically) controversial ad campaign that features a battered-looking woman walking down the street, complete with neck brace and sling. We discover she sustained her injuries as a result of her boyfriend's recent conversion to veganism and his resulting new animalistic sex drive and performance.
"This is Jessica. She suffers from B-W-V-A-K-T-B-O-O-M: Boyfriend Went Vegan and Knocked the Bottom Out Of Me, a painful condition that occurs when boyfriends go vegan and can suddenly bring it like a tantric pornstar," the commercial's narrator explains.
A lot of people are complaining that the campaign implies a link between veganism and domestic violence, but I think it's clear the organization was just trying to get across, in its characteristically provocative way, that vegans are sexy, sensuous, and make better, more energetic lovers then their physically- and karmically-clogged carnivorous counterparts.
Not surprisingly, local vegans agree. Here, a few prominent vegan plant eaters give their takes on why vegans are so good between the sheets.
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Hakin Hill, vegan and owner of Vegetarian Restaurant by Hakin in North Miami Beach
"I think vegans are better lovers because our sensibilities are intact. We eat with love, and love is reproductive, with every touch, with every kiss, with every smile. What enforces that is fruits. Fresh fruits and vegetables and just eating what nature has in the cycle.
"We become like the trees and the flowers and red roses when we kiss, like the vines that wrap around the trees. Fresh nutritious foods supply the body with vitality. It magnetizes the love that men and women have between one another."
"The obvious arguments are that "vegans make better lovers because they taste (though not necessarily smell) better," or that they seem to have a steady diet of yoga. Sting's self-professed stamina is also cliche.
"But I think vegans make better lovers because they are funny, yet lack the libido-stifling, self-referential irony of the proud-to-be-carnivore hipsters de jour. Yes, vegans are funny, happy, inquisitive lovers that respect living things, which includes us girls. That's sexy. Making a vegan meal requires a lot of creativity and ingredients, as opposed to slapping a piece of meat on a grill. Translate that to the bedroom and you know your vegan lover will be exploring all the possibilities of that chickpea...hmm, well, you know what I mean."
Alex Cuevas, vegan and owner of Choices Vegan Cafe downtown
"The gentle vegan lover has more energy & stamina; also because she or he eats cleaner than their meat eating counterparts, the body's smell during the act is deliciously yummy. Making a deep connection with a conscious lover is amazing; much more satisfying than a purely physical connection with someone who is just "hot." This allows for a very unique opportunity to connect with another human being that approaches a spiritual awe."
Jordan Wolfe, local plant eater and green nutrition expert
"Vegans have a cleaner burning love fuel ... it's the difference between running on carrot juice or cow's milk. So you can choose to be the juiced up energizer bunny or the infected dairy cow. We also bring a lighter karmic load of baggage into a relationship. Bottom line, I love girls who eat their vegetables!"