Tequila, tequila, that Mexican queen
She's strong as a donkey's kick right to the spleen
Her fuel is the fire that keeps us alive
So here are our picks for Tequila's top 5...
5. Classic Margarita: Tequila, Triple Sec, Fresh Squeezed Lime Juice.
Why: A simple classic that gets you drink, drank, drunk.
Also Known As: The Salty Martian
Pros: Get your Vitamin C the fun and easy way.
Cons: Too limey after the first 10 or so.
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Quick Story: We once woke up in a cactus patch in Arizona with an almost empty margarita milk jug in one hand, and hundreds of tiny spines in our face.
Why: Our thirst for it was inspired by an excellent Cypress Hill song.
Also Known As: Breakfast in Mexico
Pros: Looks really cool when you're stoned.
Cons: Good orange juice is expensive.
Quick Story: We once got drunk off these with a family of Russian carnival workers as the sun came up on the back roads of Canada. Seriously.
3. Long Island Iced Tea: Gin, Tequila, Vodka, Rum, Triple Sec, Lemon Juice, Syrup, Cola.
Why: LIIT is an undeniable force in American bar sales.
Also Known As: Mom and Dad's reason we were born.
Pros: Can you spell WASTED.
Cons: May result in surprise pregnancy.
Quick Story: Going to a factory workers bar in Long Island, getting drunk on Corona, and talking shit about everybodys stupid accents will get you punched. Repeatedly. By many angry fists.
2. Bloody Maria: Tequila, Horseradish, Tabasco, Worcestershire, Lime Juice, Salt, Pepper, Tomato Juice, Clam Juice, Dijon Mustard, Celery.
Why: Hotter'n'a'snowdog in a desert.
Also Known As: Your Redhead Cousin From Oaxaca.
Pros: A cactus twist on a vodka classic.
Cons: Gallons of red vomit.
Quick Story: Breaking into a golf cart store room after 16 hours of drinking these, stealing one, and driving it backwards on the highway is a bad idea...a very, very bad idea.
1. Mexican Car Bomb: Shot of Tequila Dropped in a Glass of Mexican Beer. Consumed quickly.
Why: We invented it. Or at least we say we did.
Also Known As: Jesus Was A Mexican
Pros: So simple even a drunk can do it.
Cons: So simple even a drunk can do it.
Quick Story: While out spreading the gospel of this drink from bar to bar in Homestead we started a parade of belligerent drunks 150 people deep, or 300 for those who were seeing double, who ended up drinking all the Tecate in the city that night and the next morning.