Forget all about world hunger, poverty, genocide, war, torture, natural disasters, evil regimes, oil, terrorism, the environment, animal rights, and all that other stupid hippy crap, and let's focus for just a minute on what's really important: discontinued junk foods we wanna see back on the market. Here are our top five.
5. Thunder Jets Fruits Snacks -
Do you miss getting "Super fruity F-16's" all stuck to your teeth? What about the mysterious "Stealth Bomber, with a sonic boom of real fruit flavor." These jet-shaped Shark Bites knockoffs were once the hit of the lunch room. Can they make a comeback? New Drone shape jets even Al Qaeda could love! Maybe not.
4. Nintendo Cereal System -
The actual cereal was pretty terrible, but the commercial was awesome. The TV ad featured a remix to the much loved Super Mario Bros. level 2 theme music. You know the song...dunna dunna dunna. Turn up your speakers and check out this video.
3. McDonald's Fried Apple Pie
The McDonald's fried apple pie was phased out in 1992 and replaced with the baked model, supposedly for health reasons. However, America, and the world love deep fried anything, and so it is that select American Wal-Mart, airport, and overseas McDonald's still carry fried apple pie proudly. The image above comes from a McDonald's in Australia. Hungry for more info? This guy is on a serious fried apple pie locator quest.
2. Planters Cheez Balls
If you were alive in America before the millennium then you probably remember Planters Cheez Balls. They seemed to be in every suburban, inner city, grandma, mom or neighbor's cabinet in the world. A lot of people are pissed off that these are no longer available. Click here to find out what you can do about it.
And the number one discontinued junk food we want to see back on the market is....
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SHOW ME HOW
1. Suddenly S'mores -
These microwaveable s'more snack packs were the perfect alternative to building a fire in your back yard after school, or even to buying all those ingredients separately, assembling them yourself, and then microwaving. Watch the above commercial and see why the rest of the world hates America. They're jealous of our amazing junk food.