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Top 10 Old Time Vintage Candy Brands That Are Still Relevant and Some That Aren't

Top 10 Old Time Vintage Candy Brands That Are Still Relevant and Some That Aren't
Old people like to talk about "way back when," and how everything was different, and better. Like "Back when I was a kid a candy bar cost a nickel, and that's when a nickel meant something."

Check out the ad to the left. We can't figure out why, if a nickel meant so much, they're telling people to shoplift their product. That red hat broad is obviously a thief. A low down, rotten, candy boosting, glove and masked jacker getting her shop lift on. Read the copy. It's clear as day.

That ad must be from the 50's, and people are still stealing Baby Ruth to this day. That is one classic candy.

Here are 9 more, and a couple of extras.
Mary Janes. Yellow wrapper. Red lines. Black writing. You went from getting these on Halloween to giving them out. Your parents probably did too, even if they lived in Norway. Look at the little girl mascot, acting all innocent. She's actually a money hungry global corporate candy machine.

Something pleasant to do with your spare dime? Dime? These days you can't even get a dime for ten cents, lucky for a half a chocolate chip for a quarter, barely get an almond for a dollar. Mars goes way back in the candy bar game. They hit a real smash with that Mars Bar.

Top 10 Old Time Vintage Candy Brands That Are Still Relevant and Some That Aren't

Reese you clever bastard. The chocolate peanut butter cup is genius. The kind of love at first bite people remember for the rest of their life. Talk about brand loyalty. Reese's are an American icon.

Pez are a true global force in candy culture. There are people out there so enamored of them that they dedicate their lives, incomes, sanity, family and friends to Pez collecting. Now that's relevance.

Top 10 Old Time Vintage Candy Brands That Are Still Relevant and Some That Aren't


Charleston Chew could have spent the rest of its existence as a classic candy just being on the shelf of damn near every candy shop damn near everywhere in America. But when Dave Chapelle cosigned the Charleston Chew in the movie Half Baked, that was when it was first recognized by Generation X via popular film culture. Stoners around the world are probably chewing one right now because of it.

UPDATE: The Charleston Chew did not appear in the movie Half Baked, and Dave Chappelle never cosigned it. It was the Abba Zabba that appeared in Half Baked not the Charleston Chew. Short Order apologizes for our Half Baked memory.

Top 10 Old Time Vintage Candy Brands That Are Still Relevant and Some That Aren't

The Hershey Bar is a no brainer. Far as we know they've always been at the top of the game. Would be nice to go back in time and be the first person to say  "hey why don't we make chocolate, wrap it up and sell it?"

Top 10 Old Time Vintage Candy Brands That Are Still Relevant and Some That Aren't

Check out this old Lifesavers advert. It's racist, it's sexist, mysoginistic, xenophobic, narrow minded and well produced, you know pretty much like a lot of ads being made today. Lifesavers have been around forever.

Top 10 Old Time Vintage Candy Brands That Are Still Relevant and Some That Aren't


We think the Hershey's Kiss concept is how Miami drug dealers came up with the 5 dollar crack rock. If people like it, but they can't afford the whole thing, just give em a piece, charge accordingly, and watch them scrounge for change to keep coming back.

Top 10 Old Time Vintage Candy Brands That Are Still Relevant and Some That Aren't

Tootsie Rolls are our number 1 choice for classic vintage old time candy that is still relevant today. They always were, and they always will be. Tootsie Rolls are the neverdying grandma of all that is American candy.

Now here are some D-Listers that may or may not continue to exist....

I remember these being pretty good. What the hell ever happened to Bonkers!
I remember these being pretty good. What the hell ever happened to Bonkers!



Top 10 Old Time Vintage Candy Brands That Are Still Relevant and Some That Aren't

Talk about a waste of advertising budget. This ad looks like they hired David Lynch to run their campaign. From the creepy kid face decapitated from a body to the weird sludge pouring out of the bowl, nothin about it makes us want to try Fruit Gums.

Top 10 Old Time Vintage Candy Brands That Are Still Relevant and Some That Aren't

Hahahah. Look at her hat, his hand, that piglike face. Too funny.


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