MORE

Top 10 Old School Fast Food Toys and Collectibles

You could say fat runs in my family. Like, genetically. That's my great grandpa to the right. They called him Chins Mulliggan.

He was an Irish gangster. A hard drinking killer that carried tripe in his overcoat pockets, and taught my father to do the same.

So I don't entirely blame the fast food industry for suckering me into a lifelong obsession with fried foods via the toys they used to market their food to me as a kid.

Fact is I probably would've weighed 320 regardless. Plus, I still collect the toys.

Here are some of my favorite retro fast food toys:

Top 10 Old School Fast Food Toys and Collectibles

10. Burger King, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles - Late '80s, early '90s: I used to have the whole collection until my older brother made a bong out of Leonardo. Don't ask where he put the bowl.

Top 10 Old School Fast Food Toys and Collectibles

9. Long John Silver's, Free Willy 2 - Early 90's: Gotta love the irony of a fish house with a sad whale for a toy.

Top 10 Old School Fast Food Toys and Collectibles

8. McDonald's, Hamburglar hand puppet - '80s: Me and this guy had some good times. He was my partner in crime. We used to jack fools for cheeseburgers together.

Top 10 Old School Fast Food Toys and Collectibles

7. Hardee's, California Raisins - 1988: Did anybody else have the Meet The Raisins album on tape? Man those wrinkly fuckers could sure carry a tune. I miss them.

Top 10 Old School Fast Food Toys and Collectibles

6. Dairy Queen, Double Dip Ice Cream Cone Fishing Lure & Whistle - '98 and '91: If you've ever gotten high and mistaken a piece of plastic for actual food then you know as well as I do that plastic shards will cut you to hell. Do not swallow.

 

5. McDonald's, Ronald McDonald watch - 1984: Back in the day if you had one of these you could tell people your name was Don Ron McDon, stone cold pimp.

Top 10 Old School Fast Food Toys and Collectibles

4. McDonald's, Fast Food Doll House: I told my parents not to let my sister get this. She's been working at McDonald's since she was 6 years old.

Top 10 Old School Fast Food Toys and Collectibles

3. Burger King, Cookin' With Alf - 1988: Me and this illegal alien ate so many damn burgers together we got caught at least ten times by the I.N.S., the imminent nasty shits.

Top 10 Old School Fast Food Toys and Collectibles
Top 10 Old School Fast Food Toys and Collectibles
Top 10 Old School Fast Food Toys and Collectibles

2. McDonald's, Transforming Food Toys - '80s and '90s: These were always awesome, and the old metal ones really hurt when someone threw em' at your head.

 

Top 10 Old School Fast Food Toys and Collectibles
Top 10 Old School Fast Food Toys and Collectibles
Top 10 Old School Fast Food Toys and Collectibles

1. Burger King, Classic Movie Glasses - '80s: Without question these are the coolest limited edition product ever put out by a fast food company. They are functional collectibles. I drink out of mine everyday. Juice, whiskey, juice mixed with whiskey....nothin' beats ET and Star Wars.


Sponsor Content