Top 10 Hypothetical South Beach Wine & Food Fest Media Disasters
Ze paparazzi will be out in force.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/london/ / South Beach Wine & Food Festival is almost here, and that means an orgiastic horde of mostly out-of-town drunks on the shores of Miami Beach concerned with nothing but food, drink, sex, celebrity, their cell phone cameras, and Twitter.
With that in mind, here's our Top 10 list of hypothetical disasters that could mar the otherwise wholesome and spotless public images of your favorite TV food personalities. This is a parody.
Eeeewwww, gross, but with cougarism being so accepted nowadays and liquor flowing as freely as it will be at our own Miami New Times Luna en Fuego closing party, not impossible. Anyway, we all know they'll both do anything to get in the spotlight.
9. The Neelys' Drunken Quarrel on Ocean Drive
It all starts when Pat Neely catches Gina giving out her phone number to the bouncer at Club Mansion.
So Anthony Bourdain shouldn't be drunk-driving a rental scooter with a bikini girl on his lap and a skateboarder hanging on to the bumper when he double--parks in front of a fire hydrant.
This is 2010. What happens on South Beach does not stay on South Beach; it hits the Internet running and doesn't stop.
There's a certain kind of booger called a flapper. It's kind of stringy, kind of solid. One end stays glommed onto the inside of your nostril; the other hangs loose.
This year, Emeril Lagasse is the host of the Perrier-Jouët BubbleQ, a highfalutin event at the Delano featuring lots of grilled meats and champagne.
Maybe the morning after she hosts Cocktail Time With Sandra Lee at Versace's old mansion, Casa Casuarina, and gives away her "best-dressed award" to one lucky guest, Sandra decides to take a dip in the ocean.
Picture a Boca Raton nursing home's diabetic activities club taking a field trip to South Beach for the Wine & Food Festival.
Lidia Bastianich can teach anybody how to cook great Italian food at the Barrilla Interactive Dinner at the Biltmore Hotel's Grand Ballroom in Coral Gables.
Oh yeah, that already happened. Can't wait for this year's festival. Visit sobefest.com to see what events still have tickets available.
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