Have you been obsessively refreshing Charlie Sheen's Twitter page seeking more doses of #tigerblood to get through your sad, pathetic day? Have all of your dreams this week involved porn-star goddesses feeding you chocolate milk through straws made of cocaine? Do you end all of your loser sentences with a joyous outburst of Winning! (Duh! I just got fired! Winning! Duh! I live in my mother's basement! Winning!) Well, get off your mother's couch right now, borrow her car, and get yourself to a supermarket stat because Tiger Blood has arrived.
It seems everyone from local energy-drink weirdos to upscale-restaurant PR teams took a break this week from laughing at Charlie Sheen to laugh with him... all the way to the bank. And we are the supposed lemmings who will fill their coffers with warlock currency and free promotion (@charliesheen I'm drinking tiger blood! Twit pic!).
Harcos Laboratories, which we previously mentioned sells Zombie Blood energy drinks, decided to cash in by sticking a new label on the product. You guessed it -- the red drink, which comes in an IV bag, is now called Tiger Blood. (This is, by the way, the same company that tried to trademark the word blood.)
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And Diddy, never to be left out of some potential brand marketing, tweeted, "#TIGERBLOOD!!!---Redberry Ciroc + Cranberry Juice = #TIGERBLOOD!!! - #Winning! RT to da world!!" immediately followed by, "Hope your having the best night of your life!!!!!! Let's Go!!!!" Oh yes, Diddy, we are having the best night of our life, and that is definitely tiger blood. Immediately after guzzling a gallon, the room started spinning and nobody was able to stop our warlock powers as we accidentally pummeled beautiful people who shrieked in horror as we vomited all over ourselves, and some non-winning police offer troll escorted us away. #winning
But Diddy isn't alone. Bars across the country are supposedly offering Sheen-inspired cocktails. People reported Red the Steakhouse would launch an entire "Charlie Sheen collection, including the Two and a Half Sheets to the Wind martini or a Tigers' Blood Mojito." But a restaurant manager informed us the upscale eatery decided to cancel the promotion. Perhaps Red didn't want to be associated with the shit-show that is IV bags of fake blood and winning tighty whities?
Our question: If Sheen goes the way of Anna Nicole Smith or Michael Jackson, will we go back to calling it vodka and cranberry and shamefully pretend this never happened? Because that's how it usually goes.