Shopping for most men is similar to herding cats. While women will drop hints via magazine clippings, e-mails, and the oh-so-subtle just borrowing your credit card and placing a wrapped present under the tree with your best wishes on it, if you ask a man what he wants for Christmas, chances are he'll mumble something like, "I need socks."
We've got some better ideas for the man in your life. From hot sauce that can make a grown man cry to the ultimate beer kit, we think you'll agree that these presents will be better received than another pair of boxers with snowmen on them.
10. Offal Meat of Champions T-Shirt
Bacon t-shirts are cool. So cool, everyone has one. That's why your guy deserves this shirt. It shows the world that your man is brave, daring, and willing to eat his liver. And heart. And tripe. $30 at Flavour Gallery.
9. Burgers-n-Broads 2013 Calendar
Seared cow flesh and searing hot babe flesh meet in this calendar by Burger Beast and Terribly Girlie. A dozen babes filmed with burgers from Miami's best joints including Tobacco Road, Blue Collar, and LoKal Burgers and Beer. $10 at BurgerBeast.
8. Travel Bitters
Any cocktail enthusiast will tell you that a dash of interesting bitters brings an entirely new dimension to pedestrian gin-and-tonics and martinis. This airplane-friendly set features five different bitters in a retro tin, all made by The Bitter Truth. $19.38 at Drinkology.com.
7. Mad Dog 357 Collector's Edition Hot Sauce
Sure, there are hot sauces that range hotter on the Scoville scale. But at 600,000 Scoville units, this is about as serious as you can get and not have a Haz-Mat team come to your house with gas masks on if you break the bottle (seriously). Don't worry. This stuff is still potentially lethal (we tried some and went deaf for about 15 seconds). Comes with a tiny spoon (no, it's for measuring the sauce, dummy) inside a bullet. That's the amount you need to season an entire pot of chili. $19.79 at Peppers of Key West.
6. Bacon Shaving Cream
This is a high-quality shaving cream rich in essential oils and moisturizers that just happens to smell like bacon. As the website says, "prepare to be loved, admired and possibly be eaten by bears." Order now for December 19th shipping and a Christmas arrival -- just in time for a shave should Santa be tired of that beard. $14.99 at J&D's.
5. The Mad Men Cookbook
Here's a cookbook that every Mad Men fan must have on their shelves. Yes, it has food recipes like Joan's stuffed crown pork (insert every off-color joke that includes "stuffing" or "porking" here), and Don's corned beef hash. But buy it for the cocktail recipes like Don's old fashioned, the 21 Club vodka gimlet, and the Playboy whiskey sour. $11.32 on Amazon.com ($9.32 for Kindle edition).
4. Makers Mark Personalized Barrel Head
An authentic reproduction of a Makers Mark Barrel Head. Perfect for a bar or office, this barrel head comes straight from Loretto, Kentucky, home of the famed bourbon. Barrel head can be personalized with any name on it. $99.95 at Makers Mark shop.
3. Mushroom Growing Kit
Giving new meaning to the term "grow your own", this kit allows you to grow your own pearl oyster mushrooms. Just pierce the box, soak in water, and leave in your closet for a few days before your mushrooms start to sprout! $19.95 at Uncommongoods.
2. White House Beer Recipe Kit
Politics aside, the mere fact that beer is being brewed in the White House is enough for us to know that this country is, indeed, the greatest in the world. Home brewers can replicate either the White House Honey Porter or Ale with these kits. $36.99 - $44.99 at northernbrewer.com.
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SHOW ME HOW
1. Big Green Egg
Just speak to an owner of this green ceramic oven/smoker/cooker for just one minute. Think you're speaking to a preacher or even some cult member? You're right, because people who have this green-egg-shaped contraption swear by it. If you know a weekend grill fanatic, this is the ultimate gift. $899 for a large egg (available in other sizes) at Ace Hardware.