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Ten Best Chocolate Easter Bunnies: Large, Weird, and Yummy

You don't have to shout - I can hear you!
You don't have to shout - I can hear you!
Vosges Chocolate

It's that time of year again...when all thoughts turn to the barbaric (and totally satisfying) practice of buying the most adorable little bunnies, only to slowly eat them alive.

We're talking, of course, the chocolate variety of bunny. Oh what pleasure we derive from slowly torturing these candies shaped like friendly creatures of the forest -- nibbling their ears and biting off their pink candy button noses before devouring the entire sweet animal.

There are so many bunnies to choose from -- how to pick the one that will become your short-term friend?

Chocolate Easter bunnies have come a long way from the cheap variety that tastes like sugar and plastic. From gourmet to homicidal, here are our ten favorite bunnies.

Ten Best Chocolate Easter Bunnies: Large, Weird, and Yummy
Staffords Famous Chocolate

10. Chocolate Bugs
OK, he was never innocent and adorable and he talked like your half-uncle from Brooklyn (the one who "went on vacation" for a few years). Which is why eating him won't leave you as guilt-ridden as munching out on his cuter chocolate brethren ($8 at Staffords Famous Chocolate).

Ten Best Chocolate Easter Bunnies: Large, Weird, and Yummy
Staffords Famous Chocolate

9. Cowboy Bunny
There's a new sheriff in town and he's packing a six shooter and some big ears in that ten gallon hat. What's even crazier is that you can pick out the color of the hat he's wearing. But remember -- the good bunnies always wear the white hat ($35 at Staffords Famous Chocolate).

 

Ten Best Chocolate Easter Bunnies: Large, Weird, and Yummy
Laine Doss

8. Snapsy Bunny
This bunny is perfect for all you sadistic people out there. He snaps apart so you can decapitate the little guy, break off his tail, or hobble him so he doesn't hop away. Fun times! ($5 at CVS).

Ten Best Chocolate Easter Bunnies: Large, Weird, and Yummy
Laughing Moon Chocolates

7. Snowboard Bunny
Forget hibernating in the winter. This little bunny has a poster of Shaun White in her rabbit hole (who, ironically, looks like the unholy spawn of the Easter bunny and Carrot Top) ($25 at Laughing Moon Chocolates).

 

6. Bacon and Eggs
Everyone knows the Easter Bunny lays chocolate eggs and hides them around town for bratty little children to find on Sunday morning (usually in a shopping mall). But did you know that if you force-feed the Easter Bunny bacon, he lays eggs filled with bacon-flavored caramel? ($22 at Vosges Chocolates).

5. Bunny Bride and Groom
Shhh... we heard they had to get married because they were f**king like rabbits ($17.95 at Chocolate Vault).

 

Ten Best Chocolate Easter Bunnies: Large, Weird, and Yummy
Confections by Joel

4. Bunny on Motorcycle
This bunny belongs to that famed MC gang, the Hopalong Bunch. He plans to drive across the country in search of marshmallow chicks ($4.95 at Confections by Joel).

Ten Best Chocolate Easter Bunnies: Large, Weird, and Yummy
Conrad's candy

3. Giant Bunny
This bunny is so big, he's got a tiny bunny in his basket! Weighing in at seven pounds and costing nearly $200 bucks, this is a bunny that might just put up a fight when you bite his head off -- plus he's a little scary looking ($191.98 at Conrad's Candy).

 

Ten Best Chocolate Easter Bunnies: Large, Weird, and Yummy

2. Texter
This bunny kills other bad Easter bunnies and then uses his little iPhone to relay where to find the body to the police ($4.98 at Big Lots).

Ten Best Chocolate Easter Bunnies: Large, Weird, and Yummy
ThinkGeek.com

1. Zombie Bunny
Remember all those adorable little live bunnies that are sold by pet shops, only to be abandoned a month after Easter by uncaring individuals who no longer think cleaning out a rabbit hutch is cute? Well, they've come back as flesh-eating creatures of the damned and they're out to eat your brains! Happy Easter! ($14.99 at ThinkGeek).

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