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Spotted Dick to Cockroach Clusters: Harry Potter's Ten Grossest Foods in the Universe

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 premieres tonight in New York and opens around the country Friday. The end of an era is here. We've spent the last ten years prowling Hogwarts after hours and meeting freaky people.

In the last decade, we have discovered chocolate frogs, sugar quills, and Fizzing Whizbees. But some of the stuff that J.K. Rowling came up with was downright nasty. Here are the ten most disgusting things ever eaten in the books and films, from gross to "I wouldn't eat that if a Death Eater were pointing his wand at me."

10. Spotted Dick
While not technically gross (it's an English pudding), the name is revolting. Could you seriously put something in your mouth called spotted dick? We can't remember where in the books they ate it. But it was there. We can't ever forget this one. It makes for some great jokes at family functions.

9. Firewhisky

Ron is desperate to try this from the grimy Hog's Head pub in Order of

the Phoenix. But quite frankly, it just sounds disgusting. Whisky

already burns - why in Merlin's name add more pain? We found a recipe

that calls for whisky and Tabasco sauce. Not

even if you begged us.

8. U-No-Poo

 "Why are you worrying about You-Know-Who? You should be worrying about U-No-Poo - the constipation sensation that's gripping the nation!" 

When Fred and George Weasley started selling U-No-Poo at their joke

shop in Half-Blood Prince, everyone loved it (and by everyone, we mean

those of us reading. We're sure we wouldn't have been so entertained if

we had actually eaten some). While the thought of candy that impedes

your bowel movements make us cringe, we're sure a couple shots of

firewhiskey would take care of the problem.

7. Blood Lollipops

Famously found at Honeydukes Sweet Shop in Hogsmeade in Prisoner of Azkaban, blood lollis are

actually made with blood. Sure, they're for vampires. But how would you

feel if sitting next to your packets of Drooble's Best Blowing Gum and

Chocolate Frogs was a melting blood pop?


6. Skiving Snackboxes

Another of Fred and George's ingenious inventions, these candies have

two ends - you bite one off to make you sick in class, then eat the

other to make you well again as soon as you're out of class (we're sure they'd be just as useful for work too). Introduced in Order of the Phoenix as a way to piss of Umbridge, they had Puking

Pastilles, Fever Fudge, Fainting Fancies, and Nosebleed Nougat. We like

the sound of a quick fever best, but at some point they give you

massive boils in terrifying places not visible to the public. So maybe

we'll pass on those.

 

5. Hagrid's cooking

We'd pick the massive, puss-filled boils over Hagrid's cooking any day.

The rock cakes (which are similar to scones) almost broke their teeth in

Sorcerer's Stone. He once made a batch of treacle fudge that glued

Fang's jaw shut. And scariest of all, Hagrid offered the trio "beef"

stew, in which Harry found a talon. (Just in case you didn't know, cows

don't usually have talons).


4. Cockroach Clusters

We can't stomach these. We just can't. Just imagine biting off their

heads. Or worse, flossing later and finding a leftover leg. You'd feel

like they were crawling around your guts the whole day. Honeydukes sells

these, and Ron contemplates buying some for Harry in Prisoner of Azkaban. But really, these

are worse than the blood pops - what magical creature could they

possibly be for?

3. Rotting food at the Deathday Party

In one of the most revolting scenes in all of the books, the ghosts at

Nearly Headless Nick's Deathday party in Chamber of Secrets serve food long past it's

expiration date. Rotten fish, maggoty haggis, mold-covered cheese, and

peanuts covered in fungus are laid out on silver platters. The ghosts

did it in the hopes that they would be able to taste again. But those

poor kids at the party. At least they have manners - we'd have run out

screaming at the smell.

2. Slugs

OK, OK, so no one actually eats these. Ron's wand just backfires on him

when he tries to hex Malfoy in Chamber of Secrets. But still. Ron spends the rest of the day

vomiting slugs. Just the thought of it makes creeps us out. It's like a

whole day of awful, slopping French kissing. Except with slugs.

On the bright side, Rupert Grint, who plays Ron, said that they gave him strawberry-flavored ones. How thoughtful of them.

1. Bertie Bott's Every Flavor Beans

"Alas, earwax." - Albus Dumbledore, Sorcerer's Stone

The beauty (and horror) of Bertie Bott's is, to quote Ron, "they mean

every flavor."  So sure, you could get lucky and get caramel and

strawberry. Or, if your luck is anything like ours, you'll pop booger,

grass, and vomit. They sell Bertie Bott's in the muggle world, and they

are arguably worse than the magical ones. Take the pepper for instance.

Rather than tasting like pepper, it takes like pepper and sugar. It

nearly made the rest of the candy come hurling out like slugs.

So what do you think -- did we miss something really god-awful?

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