Oh, you thought your children were so talented because they affixed a bunch of stickers to a hard-boiled egg and it looks cuter than a baby bunny sliding down a rainbow atop a unicorn? Well, we hate to inform you, but your child is a simpleton.
In Ukraine, tykes are in the process of etching what look like freakin' Sistine Chapel windows onto eggs. Here are seven more examples -- via pretty, nerdy, evil, and homicidal Easter eggs -- of why your Disney princess egg-decorating kit sucks.
7. Traditional pysanky (Ukrainian Easter eggs decorated using a wax-resistant dying technique)
6. More pretty pysanky
5. Unidentified frying object
4. An egg for all holidays: Christmas, Hanukkah, and Priest-Falling-Out-of-the-Sky Day
3. An egg created by someone who writes, "puddlejumpers are small transport ships on Stargate: Atlantis. They go through the stargate, and are shaped like ziti." Nerds love Easter too.
2. Eggs that make you feel bad about eating eggs.
If you like this story, consider signing up for our email newsletters.
SHOW ME HOW
You have successfully signed up for your selected newsletter(s) - please keep an eye on your mailbox, we're movin' in!
1. Eggs that have been driven to homicidal rage because, really, it's just bizarre that we like to paint shit onto what basically amounts to an undeveloped chicken embryo and then hide it outdoors so it can possibly rot in 80-degree weather. Human beings are weird.