Presidents Day: First Drunks, Jellie Bellies, and Sushi-Inspired Diarrhea
It's the third Monday of the month and you know what that means: "S#!@... another Monday". Oh yeah, and it's Presidents Day. And believe it or not, Presidents can be funny.
Now, let's be honest. We love it when someone we know makes a fool of himself - even better when it involves food. Presidents, like celebrities, are almost forced to maintain a certain composure... as if everything were picture perfect at all times. But what happens when all they can be is human? Do they make a mockery of those who run our country?
Ronald Reagan loved his jelly beans.
Reagan smoked like a fish, but he had good intentions! He wanted to stop his pipe-smoking habits and in efforts to nib it in the bud, he ate jelly beans. He became notorious for keeping a jar on his desk, "we can hardly start a meeting or make a decision without passing around the jar of jelly beans," he told a cabinet member. Leave it to Jelly Bellies to help the president make an executive decision. Don't worry America, we turned out fine, anyway.
He didn't show up to his party like this, but let's be real... we would have.
Andrew Johnson was drunk during his inauguration.
In hurried fashion, Johnson was notified that his vice-presidency was about to be cut short after Abraham Lincoln died from his gunshot wounds. The morning of his inauguration, Johnson had been nursing a hangover, and as any hangover-pro would know, three glasses of whiskey will take the edge right off. Oh, Johnson... what we'd give to address the nation after a few chugs of Jameson. What a bad-ass you were.
Take Taft's advice: this could be you
William H. Taft ate bad sushi.
Okay, so we're not entirely sure sushi is what made Taft sick but, for argument's sake, let's assume it was. This is what he wrote to his wife, "whatever the cause, we were all made sick so that the next morning there were twelve of us who had to report being roused in the night with a diarrhea and in some cases cramp and colic". Taft, why would you write this in a letter to your wife? It's not sexy. At all.
George W. Bush choked on a pretzel.
Poor Bush. The man's been picked and prodded for butchering the English language and the nation. It's not his fault he's immune to intelligence. Some people just can't handle their pretzels. After the incident, he said "Mother, I should have listened to you. Always chew your pretzels before you swallow". Too bad that's the only piece of good advice he could remember throughout his two terms.
George H. W. Bush hated broccoli.
Staying true to the family form, Bush Sr. refused to eat broccoli. "I haven't like it since I was a little kid and my mother made me eat it. I'm President of the United States and I'm not going to eat any more broccoli". Way to push a healthy lifestyle example for the children, Bush.
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