Never Invite Grandma for Take-Out: A List of Five No-No's
We all have our go-to people when it comes to eating out, whether it's a close sibling or a friend.
But then there are the more personal encounters when you sit on your couch, watch the game (or a Say Yes to the Dress marathon) and eat from a Styrofoam container.
There are five people who should never cross the threshold into your house under those circumstances. Take it as five friendly warnings to avoid disaster.
5. Your Stepsister
Listen, ladies, it's really nice and all that you're trying to make it work with that stepsister you never got along with. Honestly, you've known each other since you were teenagers, and you're in your mid-20s now -- do you really think something will chang? You secretly hate each other and always will -- get over it. You don't want your evil, snarky, and undoubtedly snooty stepsister in your home breaking bread with you. Worse, you went out of your way to pick out a nice array of take-out options. You have sushi, pizza, and sliders on the table. You know what she'll do? Judge... and wait for you to slip and reveal something about your past so she has leverage on you. Just steer clear. It will get ugly.
4. Your Brother-in-Law
All right, guys, this should be man code: Unless you're BFFs with your brother-in-law (which, chances are, you're not), don't invite him over for a "guys night in." Your new wife and his sister will come up in conversation, and men being men, hurtful words will surface. You think he needs to give you a chance; he thinks you need to lay off his sister -- but the elephant in the room remains that the Chinese take-out is getting cold because you're too busy arguing with each other and playing it off like you're mad at the game on TV. The possibilities of conversations-gone-bad are endless in this scenario. Stick to your best bud from college, not your bro-in-law. Leave him to family events and barbecues and call it a day. Plus it's a waste of good egg rolls.
Just don't. You're opening a can of worms by trying to take the initiative and invite G-Ma over for take-out. Do you really think she wants that crap? She'd slap you across the face and smack you in the back of the head for trying to get her to eat something not homemade. Especially something that it didn't come out of her home. She's a sweet ol' granny until she infers that you wanted something else for dinner besides her cooking. Are you looking to get yelled at by a woman in a motorized cart? Didn't think so. Leave Grandma to nice brunches and family get-togethers. It's just best for the both of you.
2. Your Disgustingly Rich Neighbor
You'd be doing yourself a favor if you avoided inviting your rich neighbor over for take-out. It's embarrassing for him and for you. Remember, your neighbor has a butler who has a butler named Reginald who vacuums the crumbs off of his shirt as he eats. Do you really think sitting on your Rooms to Go couch and watching your non-HD TV sounds more appealing to him? Keep in mind he can afford ten times better food and pay to have it specially delivered to his doorstep.
1. Your Boss
This is the worst. As much as you're trying to brown-nose your way into that corner office with a view, don't invite the boss over for take-out, please! It's inevitable -- work will come up in conversation. And so will beer -- and your boss will want beer, so you'll get it for him. And because this is the first time you'll find out that your boss is a cheap drunk, you won't know how to avoid it in the first place. Now you're stuck with perfectly good take-out, a game that's in overtime with two penalty shots left, and a hammered boss slurring his words, cheering for the wrong team, and giving you a 10 percent raise for every vuvuzela he hears wail on TV. Is this how you wanted your promotion? He signs the checks you deposit to buy that food and that beer. How do you sleep at night?
Get the Food & Drink Newsletter
Our weekly guide to Miami dining includes food news and reviews, as well as dining events and interviews with chefs and restaurant owners.
More Food & Drink News
- Miami's Best Eats and Drinks This Weekend: Broadway, Beer, and Christmas
Tue., Jan. 19, 6:30pm
Wed., Jan. 20, 7:30pm
Fri., Jan. 22, 6:00pm
Sat., Jan. 23, 8:00pm
- Tamarina Debuts Brunch: All-You-Can-Eat Oysters, Pasta, and Pancakes
- Best Quick and Easy Restaurants for Art Basel 2015