If the Jameis Winston saga unfolding at Florida State University has soured your taste for college football in general, one Gator fan wants to help you forget, for a moment, how college football leeches insane amounts of credibility from universities across the country.
Frank Coto, whose LinkedIn profile says he works as a Clear Channel consultant, on Wednesday offered to pick up the tab for everyone who drinks at Batch Gastropub in Brickell on Saturday should the Gators best the Alabama Crimson Tide.
Apparently, this annual matchup is a big deal for people long out of college eager to relive the glory days of obliterating brain cells by obliterating more brain cells.
@ZachIsWeird all you have to know zachary is that this is NOT a publicity stunt..This is money in the bank this is bama making me look great
— Frank M. Coto (@RelaxFrank) September 17, 2014
Some quick math to figure out what's at stake. The game starts at 3:30 p.m. and should take somewhere around three hours. Coto wouldn't say whether he'll pick up pre or post-game festivities. Batch has 275 seats inside and is offering $4 pints of Miller (gross). There are also $15 buckets of Miller, and $25 buckets of Heineken and Heineken Light. But forget the buckets, math is hard and life is plenty complicated already.
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SHOW ME HOW
Batch owner Kevin Danilo says, "Football has been great" so let's conservatively assume 200 people turn up to watch game and responsibly drink two beers per hour. That's $5,600 if the Gators pull out with a win, at a bare minimum. Add on $1,120 (20 percent) for the bartenders, because there's a special place in Hell for people who don't tip bartenders.
That's no chump change Frank, and if you come through you're an ace in our book. But if you don't make good, there'll be some orange-and-blue meathead on hand to dole out some Gainesville fraternity-style hazing. Cheers!