Gas prices are so high these days, many of us feel like beating up the pump when it's done tallying up our tabs. But we can't do much damage to those LCD screens with flappy, impotent little biceps and the pep of salted slugs.
Wanna pack a punch the bored gas station attendants will be talking about for days? You can! Everything you need to inflate your musculature and your energy level is here, right alongside the anti-freeze and grape Philly Blunts. Short Order visited local gas stations to find astounding health tonics and products, all for a few bucks a pop. Francisco Framil Ferran, creator of the Get Pumped! gas station fitness blast, tagged along to demonstrate some easy ways to tune up your body while you fill up your tank.
Who needs GNC when you can get all the building blocks of life in convenient "Great Start" vitamin packets for just $1.29 at the counter of your local filling station? This SoBe BP also had ginseng energy caplets and "Stacker 2" herbal dietary supplements, which according to the package, contain "The World's Strongest Fat Burners." Excited? Imagine how you'll feel when you rub on the "MaxSize Male Enhancement Cream" on the right. William, a clerk at the shop, says select customers return day after day for their daily dose of these and other supplements.
Now you'll need a drink to wash all that vitamin goodness down your pipes. You've got a big decision to make. If you want to add bulk, creamy Muscle Milk is the choice for you. Need mental agility and enduring physical stamina? Red Bull, Rockstar, and Monster are at your service. If you're looking to ride a methamphetamine wave for the next couple of hours, make a beeline for the Redline, champ. Spent from all the Zephyrhills lateral raises you did earlier? Replenish with a Gatorade or a Zico coconut water. You have come to a health-enhancing beverage oasis like no other on the planet (except every other gas station everywhere in the country). Consider yourself privileged, my friend.
Now for food. Again, your choices are abundant. On the Atkins? Snap into a low-carb Slim Jim, or maybe a can of Spam. If you're trying the vegan thing, pick up an overpriced apple or orange, only a few days past its legal supermarket shelf life. Trail mix, granola bars, and dehydrated apple chips that feel lighter than the air we breathe -- it's all here, just waiting to be consumed.
And then, there are the protein bars. Scrumptious Detour, delicate Special K, Pure Protein, Power Bars, Oh Yeah!, Protein Plus, Tri-O-Plex, and Power Crunch, in an array of delicious flavors, are just a sampling of the names we spotted. Perusing Miami Beach gas stations, you might guess that 80% of the population that drives also regularly competes in bodybuilding competitions. That's not true, but if Francisco's Get Pumped! program takes off, it very well could be before too long.
Now that you've fueled up, it's time to put your "machine" to work. Francisco shows how you can jump rope, stretch, do hand stands and push ups at virtually any gas station, anywhere, until you get kicked out.
Francisco's workout philosophy is simple: use the objects in front of you to create resistance. "I like using gas stations as fitness centers. Cars are aggressive, like I want my personal training clients to be. Gasoline makes things move fast, like I want my clients to move. When I'm in the zone and someone asks me, 'Is that an air hose or a jump rope?' my answer is 'yes,'" he says. "And there's a quick turnover in gas stations; customers come in and out. That's how I think a workout should be. Quick and to the point. Try to leave before they kick you out."
Francisco incorporates oil drums, orange cones, gas nozzles, air hoses, car vacuums, ice bags, and many other common gas station items in his fitness routine. "If it smells like gas, lift it. If you can't lift it, kick it. Those simple words changed my life, and they can change yours too," he says.
His work is already catching on. Short Order spotted Whitney Marino practicing her Get Pumped! nozzle cable pull-downs, one of Francisco's favorite moves, while en route to a friend's house in South Beach yesterday. "I'm seeing results," she remarked breathlessly, "and I love that I can fit a fitness blast in any time."
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If you, too, are ready to get started on the Get Pumped! gas station fitness blast, your total body makeover is as close as the nearest Exxon station. So what are you waiting for? Give your life some gas!