Ever been on a first date, thrown a suggestive look to the person across the table, and sensuously ordered a dozen or so raw oysters? If so, you are a douche bag. But you're also aware of the critical connection between food and fornication. So if you have any desire to take the skin boat to tuna town (and you probably do), read what follows so that next time you have the opportunity, you'll know what to munch on to get your munch on.
10. Pop the cork
Make sure to pull out the cork when you're done.
Spice via flikr
Though not a food, alcohol facilitates coitus by lowering inhibitions (see beer goggles), and the resveratrol in red wine helps dilate blood vessels -- preventing clots and increasing blood flow to the genitals. And that's good. More blood, more sensitivity, more pleasure.
9. Stab the trout
The big O-3s make salmon the right choice for game time.
Laurel Fan on flikr
Or at least mackerel, wild salmon, or any fish high in Omega-3 fatty acids. Those O-3s will make your big Os more intense because they help your nervous system function better.
8. Bust a nut
Almonds taste good and are good for you.
Osvaldo Gago on Wiki Commons
Almonds and other nuts also have essential fatty acids that aid in the production of critical male hormones needed during sex. Cashews, walnuts, and peanuts (though technically a legume, not a nut) also have L-arginine, which has been shown to improve sexual function in dudes.
7. Big banana
No words needed.
Teejayhanton on flikr
Bananas are good sources of potassium, which helps reduce muscle cramps, which as many out-of-shape lovers know, are prone to put a crimp on good loving. They also increase energy and contain the enzyme bromelain, which is thought to reverse impotence. And no, it doesn't happen to everyone.
6. Open sesame
Plant your own sesame seeds.
Shailesh Humbad on Wiki Commons
Read up, cougars. Consumption of sesame seeds was shown to benefit estrogen production, antioxidant status, and blood lipids, all of which add up to increased horniness in postmenopausal women, in a study conducted at National Taiwan Normal University in 2006 (no, we don't know why Normal is in the title of that university).
5. Brazil nut, meet Brazilian wax
Do it Brazilian style.
Edwaado on flikr
We know the header doesn't make sense, but scarfing down some of these big ol' nuts does when it comes time to bump uglies. The selenium in them keeps your sperm and ova strong. Their vitamin E also prevents free-radical damage, which while that is way too complicated to explain, sounds like something you want to prevent when it comes to your junk.
4. Butter the muffin or churn butter (take your pick!)
Buttering them up just got easier.
Carey Tilden on Wiki Common
That's right, butter is a good source of vitamin A, as are cheeses, eggs, and carrots, which help keep epithelial tissues -- which lines a woman's hoo-hah -- healthy.
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3. Check the oil
All oiled up and ready to go.
Load up on sunflower and vegetables oils, or at least use them regularly, for the linoleic acid in them helps produce big loads (of sperm).
2. Rock-a-fella oysters
Raw oysters deliver on urban legend.
For all their fame, oysters do pack some pearls in the bedroom. They are high in zinc, which has been shown to increase production of testosterone. But please don't suck them down in a suggestive manner -- that's even too crass for us!
1. Chocolate lovin'
Fantasizing about Denzel Washington and Halle Berry might stimulate your nether regions, but we are talking about Kisses and candy bars, preferably the dark variety. Dark chocolate has antioxidants that get your blood flowing, and most chocolates contain phenylethylamine, the chemical that produces love-like sensations. Plus giving bonbons is a good way to show you are sweet and worthy of getting nasty.