It's time to start thinking about Super Bowl Sunday. Specifically: What foods to prepare for the event? More specifically, and perhaps more than you really even want to think about: Is there a way to serve refried bean nachos without an odiferous aftermath that makes one yearn for the comparatively sweet aromas of a locker room? The Fart Without Fear Cookbook says yes.
It's not just nachos, but quite a number of football-friendly foods that encourage flatulent moments. "Everyone loves comfort food, but comfort food makes us fart. The fact is, there are good farts and bad farts. The good ones make noise and don't smell (much), but the bad ones do."
Granted, it's not Nabokovian prose, but this book can do something that Russian novelists' writings couldn't: Prevent your best friend's wife from passing out when she enters the house.
Wayne Chen and Gary Goss are the authors of this cookbook (although it can also be considered a self-improvement book). Chen started out as an aerospace engineer for the national Aeronautics and Space Administration. Somehow that gives me confidence in his ability to deal with the complex interactions between human gas and living room air. This is not the first cookbook for Goss, who with his wife opened The Soup Kitchen and wrote the best selling, kid-friendly Blue Moon Soup cookbook. Experience with cabbage soup and such lends Goss serious cred for this project as well.
The Fart Without Fear Cookbook will teach you:
- How to reduce "the pungent, eye-tearing, sulfur-laden farts from recipes for breakfasts, loaded lunches, oop soups, sneaky snacks, appetooters, side splitters, dangerous dinners, and deadly desserts."
- How to decide which dishes to prepare by using the authors' "scientifically based and politically incorrect rating system." It's called the Original Boston Baked Bean Odor Index.
- To prepare 70 "low flat" rated recipes.
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SHOW ME HOW
For those stubborn few who will refuse to alter the purity of their gridiron recipes, the authors offer a listing of commercially available products such as carbon-lined underwear, and a flatulence filter seat cushion.
The Fart Without Fear Cookbook was just released by Publishing Works. It is 200 pages and costs $16.95 (if you want to purchase it, click here).
Bon appétit et bon arôme!