Having a hard time coping with the fact that the world might end tomorrow? Yeah, we thought you might, and since the idea that civilization as we know it may be wiped out so that the dawn of a new age can begin is a little morbid, we've thought of a cynical approach to make you feel a little better.
Short Order has put together a short list oflast meal requests from death row inmates. They had their choice. If the Mayans were right, we don't.
Granting a last meal for a death row inmate has roots in pre-modern Europe since it was believed that a meal was a highly symbolic social act, giving these condemned human beings one last chance at contentment through eating. Doesn't everyone deserve that? Rules have changed since ancient times and since this isn't Europe, things are a bit different. Most meals are given a day or two before execution and have price restrictions as well as the need to be acquired locally. The budget for a last meal in the Sunshine State is $40. Alcohol and tobacco are usually denied and unorthodox requests are substituted by an unoriginal and probably bland option.
Since a last meal is the last honest choice one can make before being put to death, it's almost like convicts' last statement to society and themselves. So if you're having a hard time deciding what message you want to send out into the world here's some advice from the pros.
Victor Feguer was convicted for the killing of Dr. Edward Bartels in Illinois with a gunshot to the head and sentenced to death. His last meal request: an unpitted olive. This is where we think the no alcohol comes in to play since it seems what Victor may have really wanted was a dirty martini. I mean seriously, an olive? And why unpitted? Apparently he was a man with a plan. After being hung they found the pit in his suit pocket. We suggest to skip the pit and go for the dirty martini that will be sure to kill sobriety during your final moments.
Reginal Lenard Reeves
Reeves chose four pieces of fried chicken and two Coca-Cola's as his last social act, but he was an apologetic killer. Weeks before his execution for the murder of Jamie Lynn Weeks he said "I do apologize for taking the life of your daughter, and I know how much pain you must be in. Today, this does not bring you peace because this is not really the way. I want you to know I do love you. We're all one big family." Looks like he had some soul in him after all. Must be why he chose fried chicken. And the two cokes? We can't really argue there. Coke is one of the top brands worldwide. Who wouldn't want to open happiness one last time?
Jonathan Wayne Nobles
This convicted murderer was killed by lethal injection, and in a final hope chose to have the Eucharist as his last meal. Jewish or unreligious and wondering if an Eucharist is a vegetable or fruit? It's actually the Holy Communion. Seems like what Nobles really wanted was a last attempt at being noble himself. We're all for religion and being holy, but the world ending contradicts this, and the Eucharist tastes like nothing. Whatever happened to a cheeseburger and some fries? We're going to go out on a limb and say that when it comes to your last meal don't confess, sin instead.
Timmy was responsible for the deaths of 168 people and injuring of more than 680 in the Oklahoma City bombing. His last choice was two pints of chocolate mint ice cream. We think it's so his fresh was minty and his palate cleansed from the coolness of the ice cream. Cholesterol and calories didn't seem to be a factor either since his time was up, so he went for double the pleasure with two pints. Unless you want to feel like a balloon and then hate yourself Saturday morning because you're alive and a little more plump maybe you should overlook this option or opt for the sugar-free kind.
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Aileen Carol Wuornos
Sentenced to death right here in Florida, the prostitute killed seven men. Talk about fatal attraction. She declined a last meal (women!), but asked for a cup of coffee. She may not have eaten, but she didn't keep her mouth shut either. Her final words were "I'll be back, like Independence Day with Jesus. June 6, like the movie. Big mother ship and all, I'll be back, I'll be back." Lesson to be learned from Aileen: caffeine can be bad. Eat something.
Seriously. Eat anything because if the world ends the taste of that will be bittersweet so make it worthwhile.