"We're taking electricity from our neighbor because this bitch did not pay the electricity bill," says Josue Garcia, dressed as his bearded drag personality Karla in his newest Youtube upload.
"You wanted to go to Space, right? Well, you have to pay the price," sasses back Gio Profera in his drag get-up Juliesy.
Miami's most notorious bearded Beyonces have taken the city by storm over the recent years. Yesterday, they debuted their second cooking demo inside Profera's grandma's tattered kitchen (otherwise known as Hialeah's Finest Kitchen). On the menu: Black bean hummus. Because Juleisy is on a vegetarian diet and "beans are a veshtuhble."
We've been sitting on pins and needles waiting for the new cooking episode to come out, so when we received a text from Profera yesterday afternoon that the video was fresh out of editing, we raced home to watch. It was worth the speeding ticket.
As usual, Juleisy and Karla are a hot mess in a dress, and through complete improv, they whisk you around abuela's cramped kitchen pulling ingredients from creaky cabinets in need of some WD-40 and a refrigerator with freezer burn.
Since the characters aim to epitomize Hialeah's chongivity, they prepare black bean hummus with sofrito, and assorted bootlegged ingredients. And by bootlegged ingredients, we mean "a onion", "a fresh can of tomato sauce", "extra virgin canola oils", and "fresh squeezed lemon juice in a bottle with a Coca-Cola cap". Lest we forget to mention the organic tahini paste, or as Karla pronounces it orgasmic toh-hini.
A couple months ago, Profera told us that since their first cooking demo video was all about Cuban lechon, they wanted to tap into his Lebanese roots and prepare the black bean hummus this time around. As Karla eloquently puts it in the video, "it's also cause I'm broke as fuck."
The two bicker and banter over the use of butter and frozen vegetables and even provide household tricks like using Christian Louboutin sunglasses to help when cutting onions.
We could describe the video all we want -- we could tell you more about using a plate to cover the blender because it doesn't have a top, or we could tell you more about la vecina who's offered edible bribery for the use of her electricidad. But what's the fun in that? You'll just have to watch for yourself, primas.
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Follow Alex on Twitter @ARodWrites.