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Cookies of the Apocalypse: Eating the End of Days

Mayan munchies: death and destruction make us hungry.
Mayan munchies: death and destruction make us hungry.

As you already are well aware, the end of the world is coming very soon. The Mayan calendar kinda just ends on December 12, 2012, which is not tomorrow, but you know, it's hovering frighteningly close in time. Psychic Edgar Cayce saw us entering into a "New Age" around now, with shifting poles and massive earthquakes. Recently birds were dropping on people's heads and fish were flinging their dying bodies ashore, not just in Arkansas where, you know, it makes sense that birds and fish would want out, but all over the world.

The horsemen are coming, so we might as well greet them with some snacks. In order to ease our anxiety about The End, we decorated some sugar cookies in the forms of our fears to help us make productive the signs of a nearing apocalypse.

Cookies of the Apocalypse: Eating the End of Days

​When you're waiting for the end of the world, you don't have time to spend money on things like ingredients for homemade cookies or a rolling pin. Store bought cookie dough works great when rolled flat with a water bottle, and you can get some decent shapes with the use of a butter knife.

Cookies of the Apocalypse: Eating the End of Days

​Cookies are pretty much the easiest and fastest treat you can make at home, which is great given the limited time we have left on earth.

​The cheapest thing to do about decorating your cookies is to buy some Smarties or M&Ms and get some pre-made frosting, or make it with powdered sugar and water, and dye it with food coloring.

Cookies of the Apocalypse: Eating the End of Days

You'd be surprised how productive and creative people get when they know the date of their impending death. These cookies will take your breath away, you know, cause you're gonna die.

 

Cookies of the Apocalypse: Eating the End of Days

​This first plate examines the things man has made that remind us of the end. We've got a helicopter, reminiscent of Francis Ford Coppola's Apocalypse Now, a gun because, well, guns kill people dead (or is it people that kill people with guns?), and a super psychedelic atomic cloud, which also looks like male genitalia.

Cookies of the Apocalypse: Eating the End of Days

Aliens. Duh. Aliens are coming in their spaceships and they want to eat you or own you and you will be dinner or used for parts. Meteors will be falling from the sky, smashing and burning just about everything you've ever known. Get ready. Oh, wait, there's no defense against these signs of the apocalypse. We're screwed. 

Cookies of the Apocalypse: Eating the End of Days

So, hive death, fish kills, and birds croaking midair... uh, yeah, shit is not good, friends. Could this dead bird cookie be more obnoxious? Dead birds are obnoxious and hard to clean up, too. 

Cookies of the Apocalypse: Eating the End of Days

​Look at that sad cracked earth! Can't you hear it saying, "Can you guys please stop using plastic bags?" (seriously). Up there's the lightning that'll be striking people down when the volcanoes are spewing magma all over the land.

Cookies of the Apocalypse: Eating the End of Days

​Maybe God and Satan will assist in the end of days? We made some mark of the beast cookies, a little devil face, a snake because he's the bad guy that helped Eve put us in this mess (blame the woman). Of course, we couldn't leave out of one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse. Who better to welcome our last days on earth than four beast-dudes on horses? 


The end is nigh, guys, so bon appetit! 

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