It's Friday and I've had a long, slightly lousy week. I'm sure a lot of you have, too. Basically, I'm just sitting here waiting for 5 p.m. to roll around so I can get a beer. Wood Tavern is a good choice to get my evening drink on.
It's inexpensive, laid back, local, and has a kick-ass patio. It's a place to meet friends, grab a few drinks, and have fun. They have Taco Tuesday. Wood Tavern is a lot of things. One thing it's not: Douchey!
They describe themselves as "the premier multi-media platform for the most influential young male consumers. This discerning audience is driven by style, music, sneakers, sports, games, gear and girls. Complex Media initially reaches these ahead-of-trend influencers through its uniquely credible, authentic viewpoint and is further amplified by its unparalleled social influence."
Oh...and they're (of course) located in New York City. Not Miami. Which makes them kinda underqualified to rank the douchiest bars in Miami.
Look, that's not to say that there are no douchey bars in Miami. And some of the ones on the list are resoundingly for d-bags. Their review of LIV ("only fun if you're in VIP, and into LMFAO, gelling your hair vertically, and applying copious amounts of self tanner.") was kinda funny.
But they described Foxhole as a "mancave" filled with men "left alone in this bar for so long they've become a sort of feral animal." They advised us to "avoid the bruises and the bros and just stay home" and away from Purdy Lounge.
According to these New Yorkers, Cafeina is a "hotbed for uncool" located "on the mainland". The mainland. Known to Miami residents as the place to go to avoid douchebags.
And Wood Tavern. Poor, undouchey, Wood Tavern. Here's what they said about Wood:
" Let's say you go to a bar, and an entire rugby team tries to talk you into giving them a piggyback ride. If you think that's a funny pick-up line, then you're a douche, and you'd fit right in at Wood Tavern." I've been to Wood Tavern and I've never had an entire rugby team ask for a piggyback ride. Maybe cause I don't attract douchebags. Or go to douchey bars!
Look. Haters gonna hate. I get that. But hate on your own town -- not ours.
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SHOW ME HOW
I have a call in to the editors of complex.com. If and when they return my call, I'll ask them to meet me for a drink at Wood Tavern next time they're in Miami. I'm waiting for the call. Because. Ya know. Only a douchey person wouldn't return a phone call -- right?