Best Macho Supermarket Items: From Spam to Wheaties
Men are taking over supermarkets.
Supermarkets have long been the domain of women, who traditionally do the grocery shopping. Walk through the aisles of any market and you'll see most items are targeted with women in mind -- floral-scented detergents designed to remind you of a soft summer rain, foods marked low-fat or sugar-free that promise everything short of free liposuction with purchase, and items in cute individual-size packages (puppies or babies on the labels score extra points).
Lately, however, men are making their way to the market. A recent Forbes article claims Procter & Gamble is testing special man aisles in supermarkets and drugstores filled with macho items such as razors, shaving cream, and Rogaine.
The trend isn't really new. Last year, Yahoo! conducted a survey of 1,000 dads. Fifty-one percent of them said they were the primary grocery shopper in their household.&
We're not shocked. We've found plenty of man-friendly items in the supermarket. From beer to soup, here's a list of the top ten testosterone-driven items available.
Ben and Jerry's
10. Schweddy Balls
Men are obsessed with balls. When you're not playing with balls, you're watching other men play with balls (relax -- we're talking about sports). Ben & Jerry's realized how much you like your balls. So they made Schweddy Balls ice cream. Named after the famous Pete Schweddy, who makes the best rum balls on the planet, Schweddy Balls has a hint of rum (the libation of manly pirates everywhere). Unfortunately, the ice cream is in limited production, so we're sad to say it's difficult to find Schweddy Balls in Miami.
Despite popular belief, Tang was not invented for astronauts. It was, however, used by NASA for the Gemini and Mercury manned space flights in the early '60s. That makes Tang forever a manly drink. Because everyone knows astronauts are more macho than even cowboys and NASCAR drivers.
Speaking of NASCAR -- he may not have been an astronaut, but Dale Earnhardt was muy macho. And like so many great sports figures before him, such as Muhammad Ali, Dick Butkis, and Walt Frazier, Earnhardt's mug graced the Wheaties box, making Wheaties one manly cereal.
7. Manhattan Clam Chowder
The name says it all -- MAN-hattan clam chowder. Unlike the fussy, creamy seafood soup from New England, MAN-hattan clam chowder is simple -- basically tomato soup with some clams thrown in for good measure. And anything in a can is man-friendly.
This meatlike substance is the brunt of many a joke, but during World War II, Spam fed our troops on the battlefield. According to the official Spam website (and joining the e-mail list will technically give you Spam mail), more than 100 million cans of Spam were shipped to the armed forces overseas. Spam isn't just delicious -- eating it is your patriotic duty!
Menage a Trois Wine
5. Ménage à Trois Wine
You might think wine is only for women and men who wear cardigans and shoes without laces, but you'd be dead wrong. Besides, this might be the only way you can honestly tell your buddies you had a Ménage à Trois over the weekend.
4. Hungry-Man Dinnersbr />Just in case you find yourself really lost in the supermarket, we're here to help. You are a man and you are hungry. That's why you're at the market. So you need a Hungry-Man frozen dinner. We especially like the mantastic Backyard Barbeque, one and a half pounds of chicken patties and rib-shaped pork with mashed potatoes.
Who said marketing pros don't cater to men? You mix this ketchup-in-a-can with ground beef, dump the sodium-laden glop onto a bun, and eat. Why is it called Manwich? Because if they called it ketchup-in-a can, you wouldn't buy the crap (or maybe you would).
You are a man. You must spread your seed and procreate. But what if your seeds are a little, um, spread thin? Well, head to the vitamin aisle and get some FertilMan, because real men take vitamins.
Forget the beer. It's all about the commercials. We're talking troops coming home, touchdowns, the Stars and Stripes, and giant hairy horses. Because real men drink beer, salute the flag, and tear up at halftime.
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