Oh, the Everglades. Our noble river of grass. Our beautiful, unique ecosystem. Oh, the ways in which we have totally screwed it over. No, seriously. We've made our alligators the size of Kate Moss. We've turned some birds gay, and we keep releasing all sorts of stupid pets into it.
A lot of weird things happen in Florida. We're here every Friday morning to give you the week's weirdest. This week: the biggest First-World problem ever, Walmart toy humping, a buttload of missing Crisco, and an important reminder that many of Florida's craziest residents are not actually product ... More >>
After ranking all 34 cities within Miami-Dade County, we couldn't help but wonder where the major cities of Florida would stack up. So we decided to answer that question ourselves, naturally. Because what fun is the internet without arbitrary rankings? So we assembled a list of Florida's most nota ... More >>
It's the first week of fall ... or autumn. We're not sure. Some people are so obsessed with this season that they've given it not one but two different names while using it as an excuse to put pumpkin spice on everything and knit mittens while drinking hot chocolate around a bonfire or some nonsense ... More >>
A lot of weird things happen in Florida. We're here every Friday morning to give you the week's weirdest. This week: Refrigerator emergencies, shoplifting toddlers, and sex crimes at a yoga class.
A lot of weird things happen in Florida. We're here every Friday morning to give you the week's weirdest. This week, that includes meth-heads armed with a toilet, a babysitter who stabbed a DILF, and a gross story about butts in a Taco Bell that probably doesn't end how you think it will.
Yes, traffic is bad. Tourists can be awful. The humidity can be oppressive. Yet, we've come to accept all of those things about living in Miami. That's part of what we signed up for. Sometimes it's the smaller annoyances that really make us want to catch the next flight to Milwaukee and never look ... More >>
Unless you've been hiding from federales on an island of swamp grass floating deep within the Everglades for the past six months, you're well aware that the World Cup starts this this afternoon. You should also know that pleading ignorance of the international tournament just won't cut it in modern ... More >>
Miami is not missing much. About 363 days of beach weather? Check. European tourists in Speedos plucking up overpriced designer items? Check. Damn near every taste, flavor, and kind of restaurant you can think of? Check. There are, however, a few things we lack. Domestic restaurant chains that litt ... More >>
While the rest of Miami preps for another relaxing weekend on the beach, you're frantically crossing things off your kids' back-to-school check list. Number 2 pencils. Notebooks. Folders. Loose-leaf paper. Note cards. Backpacks. That horrific One Direction binder your daughter is begging for. It ... More >>
While the rest of Miami -- and the nation for that matter -- was wondering whether the Heat would finally show the Spurs who's boss during overtime Tuesday night, all we could think about was where we could find a massive slice of fudge cake or pint of cookie-dough ice cream. Because we're stress ea ... More >>
We're officially halfway through National Frozen Yogurt Month and well into the 90-degree-temperature season (even though summer doesn't begin until Friday). So as a tribute to the only thing that can cool us down both physically and mentally, Short Order came up with a list of the five reasons froz ... More >>
Last week, T. D. Allman sent Florida the worst birthday card ever. The author's widely shared column in the New York Times trashed Ponce de León and bemoaned celebrations of his "purported discovery" of the peninsula in 1513 as a "fiesta of illusion." OK, so Ponce was a racist, imperialist dunderhe ... More >>
Arguably, 2012 was the year that flavored vodka jumped the shark. Once limited to simple, (semi) natural flavors like cherry, vanilla and citrus, this year the industry made inroads into liquid flavors we never thought possible. From salted caramel and chocolate covered cherry to Fruit Loops and PB& ... More >>
The winner of a cockroach and worm eating contest at the Ben Siegal Reptile Store in Deerfield Beach collapsed and died shortly after winning a $700 Ivory Ball Python Friday. Authorities say 32-year-old Edward Archbold began feeling sick and vomited after eating dozens of cockroaches and worms. Late ... More >>
Most of us working stiffs don't have mad cash to drop on huge quantities of good-quality beer. What is the alternative? Twenty-four-hour gas stations stocked with little rescue kits of mass-produced brew.There are many selections, but here is a list of ten that every beer fiend should consider when ... More >>
Can we all stop hating on Gisele Bundchen? The lady has had a pretty stressful week. First she had to watch her husband, Tom Brady, completely choke in his starring role on the most-watched TV show of all time. Then she had to pretend she thought he did a really excellent job. Cameras captured he ... More >>
Pity the University of Miami freshman who picked this morning to crap out a research paper, and the Miami Herald journalist trying to write about whichever moderately famous person dies today. Wikipedia has gone dark! The site is protesting the SOPA legislation that most sane people realize would ... More >>
Maybe Marco Rubio is addicted to late-night Wikipedia binges. You know, the type where you go to look up the director of whatever movie you're absentmindedly watching on cable and then somehow, an hour later, end up reading about the indigenous bird species of Alabama. Because this morning, the R ... More >>
If you like lots of dining options, Miami is your kinda place. Whether you crave International deliciousness or vegan, low-fat or sugar-free fare, it's all right here. Or so it would seem. Because there's one option noticeably missing from this metro melting pot: gluten-free.Even so, there ... More >>
Photo by Bryan Ochalla/Wikimedia CommonsIf one of your wild food fantasies includes running up and down the aisles of Whole Foods like a crazy person, filling your shopping cart with any and everything your heart -- and stomach -- desire, and doing it without spending your whole paycheck, read on ... More >>
U.S. Office of War Information, via Wikimedia CommonsOriginal 1944 caption: An American pineapple, the kind the Axis finds hard to digest, is ready to leave the hand of an infantryman... American soldiers make good grenade throwers.In a massive step backwards for Grand Avenue neighbor relations, ... More >>
Photo by Gage Skidmore (via Wikimedia Commons)Our private investigators -- and art director Pam Shavalier -- have been working around the clock trying to locate this document. Now we know what Donald Trump's Hair has been hiding. You're welcome, America.
Remember how Rep. David Rivera is allegedly a giant, corrupt scumbag? Well, someone in his office would rather you forget. According to Politico someone in Rivera's office is desperately trying to remove all references to the many investigations Rivera currently finds himself at the center of fro ... More >>
It's just like Wikipedia, except Fidel gets to edit all your changes.The resurgent Fidel Castro -- riding a new high as the world's foremost peddler of Bilderberg conspiracies -- has lately been helping his island nation lurch toward the Information Age. Last year, we wrote about Cuba's answer t ... More >>
D Sharon Pruitt via Wikimedia CommonsIce cream socials mostly invoke thoughts of church gatherings and neighborhood get-togethers, but not when you're eating your ice cream overlooking Biscayne Bay at Area 31. The restaurant will celebrate National Ice Cream Month by hosting Scoops for Success to ... More >>
Are you bored? Hungry? Want to eat your way to intoxication? We've scoured the world for the top 10 foods that'll get you high, exposed the rumors and lies, and now we can explain why some of these can kill you. Prepare for food education.
Photo by Bill Cooke Gerald PosnerIn this week's Miami New Times, we write about new evidence that Gerald Posner plagiarized dozens of passages in his 2003 book Why American Slept and in 2005's Secrets of the Kingdom. After the jump, you can check out all the proof. But first, a little back ... More >>
Memphis/South Florida glam-punk luminaries the Rock City Angels top the bill for a night of unbridled rock 'n' roll at Monterey Club (2608 S. Federal Highway, Fort Lauderdale). Show starts at 9:30 p.m. In short, the band, fronted by Bobby Durango, has a history far too long and twisted to fit her ... More >>
As we know from the "Wikipedia" entry on Wikipedia, Wikipedia can be edited by anyone. And apparently a few select Jets fans have put down their stone tools and cave paint brushes and figured out a little basic HTML. How do I know? Just check out the Wikipedia entry on the Miami Dolphins and scroll ... More >>
via wikimedia commonsJoe'sToday, October 15, 2009 stone crab season officially opens and runs through May 15, 2010. We have assembled some trivia you may find useful around the dinner table, at a bar with friends, or if you ever end up on a quiz show. Enjoy.10. Stone crabs are found along the Atl ... More >>
via urbanitebistro.com Fourteenth street between Overtown and the Arsht is full of wild game: zombified crackheads, worse for wear working-girls, artists, musicians, promoters, creatives, thugs, drugs, and po nine.Now, with Urbanite Bistro in the mix, we can add the literal interpretation: animal ... More >>
via Wikimedia CommonsBacchus drinking. Greek mythology's Maenads, the female followers of Dionysus, the God of Wine, were known to enter into states of ecstatic frenzy, indulge in wild, uncontrolled sexual urges, and run through herds of animals or people like sharp clawed lawnmowers tearing and ... More >>
via Wikimedia CommonsInuit medicine man.10. Garlic for a scorpion sting - Sure you city folk probably don't have scorpion problems, but in rural Dade they do. The sulfur in garlic might neutralize toxins if you get stung. 9. Mango for heat stroke - You been outside lately? It's scorching hot. Que ... More >>
Wikimedia CommonsOur sister paper, the Riverfront Times, has a story about a private investigator who traveled to Cuba and discovered live stray dogs are fed to zoo animals. Zoo employees acknowledged the practice: "Free food," said one.And a "diplomatic source" confirmed the practice, accordi ... More >>
Twice before, the government tried to build a laughably flimsy case that six poor Haitian guys from Liberty City were getting ready to "wage a ground war against the United States," in the silly words of disgraced uber-clown Alberto Gonzalez.via Wikimedia CommonsComedy Central.Twice before, juries d ... More >>
Image via IShotTheChef.com IShotTheChef.com is an independent, locally based food blog that documents the meals of a husband/wife photographer/cook team through their text and photos. Their recent "Bacon and Eggs" post shows you how to make an economy- ... More >>
via Wikimedia CommonsThere are few rivalries in modern sports more intriguing than the one between Venus and Serena Williams. Sure, there are the haters who want to think the outcomes are fixed, but for the rest of us watching the two sisters, who just happen to be the most dominant players of the p ... More >>
via Wikimedia CommonsPulling out of the Sony Ericsson Open this week further delayed Maria Sharapova's return to tournament glory, but it hasn't slowed down her celebrity status. Sharapova still made the trip to Miami, but is instead partying and playing fashionista. She made a promotional appearan ... More >>
via Wikimedia CommonsMaria Sharapova occasionally pops up on my TV screen to sell me digital cameras in ads where she's constantly upstaged by a small dog who thinks in the most stereotypical French accent ever. But the 21-year-old former number one hasn't popped up on my TV screen in any important ... More >>
Fans of manic stand-up chock full of random associations and funny voices can breathe a sigh of relief. After being admitted to a Miami hospital earlier this month in the midst of his "Weapons of Self-Destruction" tour, Robin Williams was transferred to Cleveland Clinic in Ohio, where he underwent s ... More >>
via Wikimedia CommonsCan we tax plastic surgery instead? The Times/Herald Tallahassee Bureau has been following a proposed porn tax with quite some fervor lately, but the State Legislators can't seem to talk about the proposal with a straight face. Republican Sen. Carey Baker said he'd heard someone ... More >>
Here's something you don't know: In the Netherlands, professional baseball is called Honkbal Hoofdklasse. Courtesy Wikimedia CommonsSomething else you don't know? A single player on the Netherland's World Baseball Classic team, which shocked the honkbal world by somehow taking down a ... More >>
via Wikimedia CommonsWe've spent so much time following the sad saga of A-Rod, that we've forgotten to check in with Miami's even more disgraced baseball star -- Jose Canseco! Last year a Sunrise-based company, Smoking Everywhere, enlisted the former slugger to tout its e-cigarette. Using a com ... More >>
By wide majorities, Americans love stem cell research. According to Gallup numbers 64% find it morally acceptable, and 52% support easing the restrictions or having none at all. Today, your president Barack Obama repealed his predecessor's strict limits on stem cell research, which cr ... More >>
Celestial Treasures takes that Pay It Forward movie seriously.
Kevin Hart will make you giggle like a schoolgirl.