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  • Blogs

    November 20, 2014

    The Seven Weirdest Ways We've Totally Screwed Up the Everglades

    Oh, the Everglades. Our noble river of grass. Our beautiful, unique ecosystem. Oh, the ways in which we have totally screwed it over. No, seriously. We've made our alligators the size of Kate Moss. We've turned some birds gay, and we keep releasing all sorts of stupid pets into it.

  • Blogs

    October 17, 2014

    WTF Florida Friday: Meet the Florida Man Who Surgically Removed His Junk for Fun

    A lot of weird things happen in Florida. We're here every Friday morning to give you the week's weirdest. This week: the biggest First-World problem ever, Walmart toy humping, a buttload of missing Crisco, and an important reminder that many of Florida's craziest residents are not actually product ... More >>

  • Blogs

    October 16, 2014

    The Cities of Florida, Ranked

    After ranking all 34 cities within Miami-Dade County, we couldn't help but wonder where the major cities of Florida would stack up. So we decided to answer that question ourselves, naturally. Because what fun is the internet without arbitrary rankings? So we assembled a list of Florida's most nota ... More >>

  • Blogs

    September 25, 2014

    25 Reasons to Be Glad Miami Doesn't Have a Real Fall

    It's the first week of fall ... or autumn. We're not sure. Some people are so obsessed with this season that they've given it not one but two different names while using it as an excuse to put pumpkin spice on everything and knit mittens while drinking hot chocolate around a bonfire or some nonsense ... More >>

  • Blogs

    September 19, 2014

    WTF Florida Friday: Refrigerator Emergencies, Shoplifting Toddlers and Yoga Crimes

    A lot of weird things happen in Florida. We're here every Friday morning to give you the week's weirdest. This week: Refrigerator emergencies, shoplifting toddlers, and sex crimes at a yoga class.

  • Blogs

    September 5, 2014

    WTF Florida Friday: Meth-Heads With Toilets, Stabber Babysitters, and Taco Bell Butts

    A lot of weird things happen in Florida. We're here every Friday morning to give you the week's weirdest. This week, that includes meth-heads armed with a toilet, a babysitter who stabbed a DILF, and a gross story about butts in a Taco Bell that probably doesn't end how you think it will.

  • Blogs

    July 24, 2014

    The Seven Minor Annoyances That Drive Everyone in Miami Insane

    Yes, traffic is bad. Tourists can be awful. The humidity can be oppressive. Yet, we've come to accept all of those things about living in Miami. That's part of what we signed up for. Sometimes it's the smaller annoyances that really make us want to catch the next flight to Milwaukee and never look ... More >>

  • Calendar

    June 19, 2014
  • Blogs

    June 12, 2014

    Miami's Guide on How To B.S. Your Way Through the World Cup

    Unless you've been hiding from federales on an island of swamp grass floating deep within the Everglades for the past six months, you're well aware that the World Cup starts this this afternoon. You should also know that pleading ignorance of the international tournament just won't cut it in modern ... More >>

  • Blogs

    January 22, 2014

    Ten Best Restaurant Chains Missing in Miami

    Miami is not missing much. About 363 days of beach weather? Check. European tourists in Speedos plucking up overpriced designer items? Check. Damn near every taste, flavor, and kind of restaurant you can think of? Check. There are, however, a few things we lack. Domestic restaurant chains that litt ... More >>

  • Blogs

    August 16, 2013

    Miami's Best Eats and Drinks this Weekend: Back to School and a 20 Buck Wine Class

    While the rest of Miami preps for another relaxing weekend on the beach, you're frantically crossing things off your kids' back-to-school check list. Number 2 pencils. Notebooks. Folders. Loose-leaf paper. Note cards. Backpacks. That horrific One Direction binder your daughter is begging for. It ... More >>

  • Blogs

    June 20, 2013

    Five Stress-Relieving Foods for Heat Game 7: Guacamole to Popcorn

    While the rest of Miami -- and the nation for that matter -- was wondering whether the Heat would finally show the Spurs who's boss during overtime Tuesday night, all we could think about was where we could find a massive slice of fudge cake or pint of cookie-dough ice cream. Because we're stress ea ... More >>

  • Blogs

    June 18, 2013

    Five Reasons Frozen Yogurt Is the Answer to All Your Problems

    We're officially halfway through National Frozen Yogurt Month and well into the 90-degree-temperature season (even though summer doesn't begin until Friday). So as a tribute to the only thing that can cool us down both physically and mentally, Short Order came up with a list of the five reasons froz ... More >>

  • Blogs

    April 8, 2013

    Six Florida History Myths That Won't Die: Everglades Suicide, Al Capone and Castro's House

    Last week, T. D. Allman sent Florida the worst birthday card ever. The author's widely shared column in the New York Times trashed Ponce de León and bemoaned celebrations of his "purported discovery" of the peninsula in 1513 as a "fiesta of illusion." OK, so Ponce was a racist, imperialist dunderhe ... More >>

  • Blogs

    December 26, 2012

    Ten Flavored Vodkas We'd Like to See in Stores

    Arguably, 2012 was the year that flavored vodka jumped the shark. Once limited to simple, (semi) natural flavors like cherry, vanilla and citrus, this year the industry made inroads into liquid flavors we never thought possible. From salted caramel and chocolate covered cherry to Fruit Loops and PB& ... More >>

  • Blogs

    October 9, 2012

    Cockroach Death: Five Other Foods That Can Kill You

    The winner of a cockroach and worm eating contest at the Ben Siegal Reptile Store in Deerfield Beach collapsed and died shortly after winning a $700 Ivory Ball Python Friday. Authorities say 32-year-old Edward Archbold began feeling sick and vomited after eating dozens of cockroaches and worms. Late ... More >>

  • Blogs

    June 12, 2012

    Best Cheap Beers: If You Must Buy at a 24-Hour Gas Station, Here Are Your Choices

    Most of us working stiffs don't have mad cash to drop on huge quantities of good-quality beer. What is the alternative? Twenty-four-hour gas stations stocked with little rescue kits of mass-produced brew.There are many selections, but here is a list of ten that every beer fiend should consider when ... More >>

  • Blogs

    February 8, 2012

    Gisele Bundchen and Eight Other Women Who Stand by Their Men

    ​Can we all stop hating on Gisele Bundchen? The lady has had a pretty stressful week. First she had to watch her husband, Tom Brady, completely choke in his starring role on the most-watched TV show of all time. Then she had to pretend she thought he did a really excellent job. Cameras captured he ... More >>

  • Blogs

    January 18, 2012

    Wikipedia Is Down Today: Don't Panic, We Have Your Alternatives

    ​Pity the University of Miami freshman who picked this morning to crap out a research paper, and the Miami Herald journalist trying to write about whichever moderately famous person dies today. Wikipedia has gone dark! The site is protesting the SOPA legislation that most sane people realize would ... More >>

  • Blogs

    January 18, 2012

    Marco Rubio Drops His Support of Online Piracy Bill on Day of Wikipedia Blackout

    ​Maybe Marco Rubio is addicted to late-night Wikipedia binges. You know, the type where you go to look up the director of whatever movie you're absentmindedly watching on cable and then somehow, an hour later, end up reading about the indigenous bird species of Alabama. Because this morning, the R ... More >>

  • Blogs

    January 6, 2012

    Gluten-Free Dining in Miami: Local Resources For Diners With Celiac Disease

    ​If you like lots of dining options, Miami is your kinda place. Whether you crave International deliciousness or  vegan, low-fat or sugar-free fare, it's all right here. Or so it would seem. Because there's one option noticeably missing from this metro melting pot: gluten-free.Even so, there ... More >>

  • Blogs

    December 19, 2011

    Last Week to Enter the $1,400 Whole Foods Holiday Bake-Off

    Photo by Bryan Ochalla/Wikimedia Commons​If one of your wild food fantasies includes running up and down the aisles of Whole Foods like a crazy person, filling your shopping cart with any and everything your heart -- and stomach -- desire, and doing it without spending your whole paycheck, read on ... More >>

  • Blogs

    June 27, 2011

    Man Accused of Firebombing Wheelchair-Bound Neighbor's Apartment

    U.S. Office of War Information, via Wikimedia CommonsOriginal 1944 caption: An American pineapple, the kind the Axis finds hard to digest, is ready to leave the hand of an infantryman... American soldiers make good grenade throwers.​In a massive step backwards for Grand Avenue neighbor relations, ... More >>

  • Blogs

    May 11, 2011

    Donald Trump's Hair: The Long Form Birth Certificate

    Photo by Gage Skidmore (via Wikimedia Commons)​Our private investigators -- and art director Pam Shavalier -- have been working around the clock trying to locate this document. Now we know what Donald Trump's Hair has been hiding. You're welcome, America.

  • Blogs

    April 7, 2011

    David Rivera's Office Tries and Fails to Remove Scandals from Wikipedia

    ​Remember how Rep. David Rivera is allegedly a giant, corrupt scumbag? Well, someone in his office would rather you forget. According to Politico someone in Rivera's office is desperately trying to remove all references to the many investigations Rivera currently finds himself at the center of fro ... More >>

  • Blogs

    December 16, 2010

    EcuRed, Cuba's Castro-Approved Wikipedia Clone, Launches, Has Curious Take on Miami

    It's just like Wikipedia, except Fidel gets to edit all your changes.​The resurgent Fidel Castro -- riding a new high as the world's foremost peddler of Bilderberg conspiracies -- has lately been helping his island nation lurch toward the Information Age. Last year, we wrote about Cuba's answer t ... More >>

  • Blogs

    July 14, 2010

    Area 31 Hosts Ice Cream Social for Charity

    D Sharon Pruitt via Wikimedia Commons​Ice cream socials mostly invoke thoughts of church gatherings and neighborhood get-togethers, but not when you're eating your ice cream overlooking Biscayne Bay at Area 31. The restaurant will celebrate National Ice Cream Month by hosting Scoops for Success to ... More >>

  • Blogs

    July 7, 2010

    Top 10 Foods That Can Get You High

    ​Are you bored? Hungry? Want to eat your way to intoxication? We've scoured the world for the top 10 foods that'll get you high, exposed the rumors and lies, and now we can explain why some of these can kill you. Prepare for food education.

  • Blogs

    May 18, 2010

    Gerald Posner Plagiarized in Why America Slept and Secrets of the Kingdom, Research Shows

    Photo by Bill Cooke Gerald Posner​In this week's Miami New Times, we write about new evidence that Gerald Posner plagiarized dozens of passages in his 2003 book Why American Slept and in 2005's Secrets of the Kingdom. After the jump, you can check out all the proof. But first, a little back ... More >>

  • Blogs

    April 16, 2010

    Tonight! Rock City Angels, Rebel and DJ Mig, Chicago

    ​Memphis/South Florida glam-punk luminaries the Rock City Angels top the bill for a night of unbridled rock 'n' roll at Monterey Club (2608 S. Federal Highway, Fort Lauderdale). Show starts at 9:30 p.m. In short, the band, fronted by Bobby Durango, has a history far too long and twisted to fit her ... More >>

  • Blogs

    October 16, 2009

    Jets Fans Whining on Wikipedia?

    As we know from the "Wikipedia" entry on Wikipedia, Wikipedia can be edited by anyone. And apparently a few select Jets fans have put down their stone tools and cave paint brushes and figured out a little basic HTML. How do I know? Just check out the Wikipedia entry on the Miami Dolphins and scroll ... More >>

  • Blogs

    October 15, 2009

    Stone Crab Season Is Open - Top 10 Stone Crab Trivia Facts

    via wikimedia commonsJoe's​Today, October 15, 2009 stone crab season officially opens and runs through May 15, 2010. We have assembled some trivia you may find useful around the dinner table, at a bar with friends, or if you ever end up on a quiz show. Enjoy.10. Stone crabs are found along the Atl ... More >>

  • Blogs

    October 12, 2009

    Tonight at Urbanite Bistro - Wine, Dine, and Gator Meat

    via​ Fourteenth street between Overtown and the Arsht is full of wild game: zombified crackheads, worse for wear working-girls, artists, musicians, promoters, creatives, thugs, drugs, and po nine.Now, with Urbanite Bistro in the mix, we can add the literal interpretation: animal ... More >>

  • Blogs

    August 18, 2009

    Wine Deal at Altamar on Lincoln Road - 50% off Bottles $50 or More Monday Through Thursday

    via Wikimedia CommonsBacchus drinking.​ Greek mythology's Maenads, the female followers of Dionysus, the God of Wine, were known to enter into states of ecstatic frenzy, indulge in wild, uncontrolled sexual urges, and run through herds of animals or people like sharp clawed lawnmowers tearing and ... More >>

  • Blogs

    August 12, 2009

    Top Ten Home Remedies Using Food For South Florida Conditions

    via Wikimedia CommonsInuit medicine man.​10. Garlic for a scorpion sting - Sure you city folk probably don't have scorpion problems, but in rural Dade they do. The sulfur in garlic might neutralize toxins if you get stung. 9. Mango for heat stroke - You been outside lately? It's scorching hot. Que ... More >>

  • Blogs

    May 28, 2009

    Live Dogs Fed to Zoo Animals in Cuba

    Wikimedia CommonsOur sister paper, the Riverfront Times, has a story about a private investigator who traveled  to Cuba and discovered live stray dogs are fed to zoo animals. Zoo employees acknowledged the practice: "Free food," said one.And a "diplomatic source" confirmed the practice, accordi ... More >>

  • Blogs

    May 7, 2009

    Embarassing Bush-Era Case Stumbling to Predictably Shameful Ending

    Twice before, the government tried to build a laughably flimsy case that six poor Haitian guys from Liberty City were getting ready to "wage a ground war against the United States," in the silly words of disgraced uber-clown Alberto Gonzalez.via Wikimedia CommonsComedy Central.Twice before, juries d ... More >>

  • Blogs

    April 15, 2009

    I Shot The Chef Cooks Eggs The Spaghetti Way

            Image via is an independent, locally based food blog that documents the meals of a husband/wife photographer/cook team through their text and photos. Their recent "Bacon and Eggs" post shows you how to make an economy- ... More >>

  • Blogs

    April 2, 2009

    Williams Sisters Gearing up for Their First Showdown in Miami

    via Wikimedia CommonsThere are few rivalries in modern sports more intriguing than the one between Venus and Serena Williams. Sure, there are the haters who want to think the outcomes are fixed, but for the rest of us watching the two sisters, who just happen to be the most dominant players of the p ... More >>

  • Blogs

    March 26, 2009

    While Maria Sharapova Parties at LIV, Kim Clijsters Gets Serious About Comeback

    via Wikimedia CommonsPulling out of the Sony Ericsson Open this week further delayed Maria Sharapova's return to tournament glory, but it hasn't slowed down her celebrity status. Sharapova still made the trip to Miami, but is instead partying and playing fashionista. She made a promotional appearan ... More >>

  • Blogs

    March 23, 2009

    Sharapova Withdraws from Miami Masters Again

    via Wikimedia CommonsMaria Sharapova occasionally pops up on my TV screen to sell me digital cameras in ads where she's constantly upstaged by a small dog who thinks in the most stereotypical French accent ever. But the 21-year-old former number one hasn't popped up on my TV screen in any important ... More >>

  • Blogs

    March 23, 2009

    Robin Williams' Surgery a Success, South Florida Shows Should Be Rescheduled

    Fans of manic stand-up chock full of random associations and funny voices can breathe a sigh of relief. After being admitted to a Miami hospital earlier this month in the midst of his "Weapons of Self-Destruction" tour, Robin Williams was transferred to Cleveland Clinic in Ohio, where he underwent s ... More >>

  • Blogs

    March 17, 2009

    Silly Porn Tax Remains Silly

    via Wikimedia CommonsCan we tax plastic surgery instead? The Times/Herald Tallahassee Bureau has been following a proposed porn tax with quite some fervor lately, but the State Legislators can't seem to talk about the proposal with a straight face. Republican Sen. Carey Baker said he'd heard someone ... More >>

  • Blogs

    March 11, 2009

    Thanks For Ruining the World Baseball Classic, Netherlands

    Here's something you don't know: In the Netherlands, professional baseball is called Honkbal Hoofdklasse.   Courtesy Wikimedia CommonsSomething else you don't know? A single player on the Netherland's World Baseball Classic team, which shocked the honkbal world by somehow taking down a ... More >>

  • Blogs

    March 10, 2009

    FDA Cracking Down On Another of Jose Canseco's Favorite Substances

    via Wikimedia CommonsWe've spent so much time following the sad saga of A-Rod, that we've forgotten to check in with Miami's even more disgraced baseball star -- Jose Canseco! Last year a Sunrise-based company, Smoking Everywhere, enlisted the former slugger to tout its e-cigarette. Using a com ... More >>

  • Blogs

    March 9, 2009

    Stem Cell-ebration

    By wide majorities, Americans love stem cell research. According to Gallup numbers 64% find it morally acceptable, and 52% support easing the restrictions or having none at all. Today, your president Barack Obama repealed his predecessor's strict limits on stem cell research, which cr ... More >>

  • Calendar

    July 17, 2008

    Positive Vibrations

    Celestial Treasures takes that Pay It Forward movie seriously.

  • Calendar

    April 24, 2008

    All Hart

    Kevin Hart will make you giggle like a schoolgirl.

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