It's the weekend y'all!
If the thought alone of these next two days doesn't want to make you get up, shred your papers, and do a victory dance, then maybe we should remind you of a few things.
The Miami Heat made it to the playoffs (no shocker there), the Miami Marlins finally realized it was bas ... More >>
Well, we were being a bit facetious by trying to get excited about the Marlins going on the longest losing streak in MLB history, but it turns out the team is already on the brink of setting another dubious record. They could become the first team on record since at least 1916 to start the season wi ... More >>
In the first shutout of the young MLB season, the Miami Marlins fell to the Washington National 0-2 today, but fans of schadenfreude only have one number on their mind: 20. That would give the Marlins the single longest losing streak in the post-wildcard era. If anyone can top the 2005 Kansas City R ... More >>
Step right up, meet your 2013 Miami Marlins, same as the 2012 Miami Marlins -- only completely different! If you're anything like me, you're angry, you're hurt, and you may or may not say to yourself during a jog, "Hey, that's a good place to hide a body named Jeffrey Loria!" But hear me out, we got ... More >>
Three episodes into The Franchise, shit is already getting all kinds of depressing. After two episodes of ups and downs and HEY LOOK AT OUR NEW STADIUM! wackiness, the Marlins are in a tail spin, out of the playoff hunt, reverting to a closer by committee to cover up Heath Bell's dookie-filled- ... More >>
It's fitting that the same day big trade rumors involving Heath Bell and Hanley Ramirez surface, episode two of The Franchise is pretty much framed around a trade deadline discussion roundtable with Jeffery Loria, Larry Beinfest and their DERP lackeys (or maybe the Marlins PLANTED those rumors as a ... More >>
Like so many lonely, overtanned divorcées, Marlins Park might soon get its very own in-house pool boy.The Clevelander and Marlins Park have put out a call for local hunks who don't mind walking around in nothing but swim trunks while watching baseball. It'll be a far cry from the days when the most ... More >>
The Miami Marlins started the season with the most expensive tickets in the league. Granted, that was for their opening day game against the defending world champs in their brand new stadium, but according to a site that aggregates secondary market tickets prices, the Marlins now have the least in d ... More >>
Pobre Fidelito. Being a dying dictator was his idea. But now Hugo Chavez has fat cancer, and Kim Jong Il went to ride his giant rabbits in the sky.
Nobody's paying attention to the totally dead antics of Fidel Castro. He's like the fourth-grade girl who wore Silly Bandz before it was kewl. ... More >>
Statistically, a worse manager than Edwin RodriguezConventional wisdom says that a team brings in a salty old timer coach to right the shaky ship, teach the young whippersnappers a thing or two, and claw its way back to respectability.But the Marlins have actually gotten worse since 80-year-old s ... More >>
Dude, they like, have talons or whatever.The fearless left fielder for our Florida Marlins has revealed his kryptonite: It's green, armored, and scares him more than a fastball low and inside. It's a bug.There really aren't many words necessary here; the video makes the joke just fine. Mantis on rai ... More >>
Liván Hernández, the Cuban defector who made his MLB debut with the Florida Marlins and pitched for the team for three seasons, is in hot water after an investigation has linked him to drug trafficker Angel Ayala Vázquez, AKA Angelo Millones.''
More often than not, baseball brawls are lame. A pitcher plunks a batter, the batter charges the mound, the pitcher readies himself for the fight and then the players start aimlessly swinging like two preteen girls fighting over a Justin Bieber t-shirt at the mall. Arms flailing, hands flapping, ... More >>
Marlins rookie outfielder Mike Stanton was named NL Player of the Week. He was given the honor after bludgeoning the Nationals and Reds collective pitching staffs last week using only his bat and his boyish good looks. Stanton collected a total of eight hits and six RBI in a three-game series aga ... More >>
The Washington Nationals did everything to thwart Marlins
ace Josh Johnson this past Saturday. They made him throw 30 pitches in the first
inning before he could record his first out. They brought in Stephen Strasburg
the previous night to throw some rookie-phenom mojo at him. They even trotted ... More >>
Strasburg deals and steals thunder.Good pitching always beats good hitting. So goes the old baseball adage, and in the case of the dueling debuts of Florida Marlins outfielder Mike Stanton and Washington Nationals' pitcher Stephen Strasburg--two of the most important prospects ... More >>
It's Ibanez's world and we're all just trying to live in it.Sitting next to a beautiful woman for 12 hours in first class on an airplane is the perfect situation. You want to avoid boredom, so small-talk is perfectly acceptable. And she can't walk away because she has to remain seated and buckled pe ... More >>
Your Florida Marlins defeated the Washington Nationals 5-3 yesterday, running their record against the MLB bottom dwellers to 9 - 0 on the season, with 7 of those wins of the "come-from-behind" variety.Perhaps that's why the Nationals have agreed to make a uniform change. The next time the two teams ... More >>
Deep breaths, people, deep breaths.Yes, the Florida Marlins have the best record in the MLB. Yes, we're 11-1. Not to be a Debbie Downer, though, it's worth noting six of those wins come at the expense of the Nationals, who are shaping up to be the 2007 Dolphins of 2009 baseball. But we've also cle ... More >>
And on the third day of the season, they ascended into heaven...We take it all back -- all the vitriol regarding the lack of a public process for the new stadium, all the accusations of backroom deals, dirty money, and no-bid contracts. Build the Marlins whatever they want. This team is amazing. 3-0 ... More >>
With all the hullaballo and hubbub over the giant tax-pit ... um ... new Marlins Stadium proposal, it's easy to forget that the Fish are still a baseball team and the new season is almost upon us. It's a shame, really. For true baseball fans, Spring Training is the best time of the year. Everyone's ... More >>