Udonis Haslem

  • Blogs

    October 1, 2014

    Fifteen Signs You Might Be a #HeatLifer

    The time has come to find out who the real Miami Heat fans are. Now that the team has moved on from the Heatles Era, fans will be able to look around at one another and find out who's been down from day one. The Miami Heat rolled out its #HeatLifer campaign this off-season, and it's exactly what i ... More >>

  • Blogs

    May 26, 2014

    Five Best Moments From the Heat's Game Three Comeback Win

    Happy Memorial Day Miami Heat fans! Let's basketball, shall we? The Heat are back at it tonight at the American Airlines Arena, with tip off set for 8:30. The Heat are in a position to take a commanding 3-1 series lead after a Ray Allen three-point barrage filled fourth quarter led them to a 99-87 ... More >>

  • Blogs

    April 15, 2014

    The 50 Most Followed Miami Twitter Feeds

    When we decided to tally up the most popular Twitter users in Miami, we weren't sure what we were going to get. Real fame or local fame doesn't necessarily equate to Twitter fame. After all, Dan Marino barely made the list at 50, and LeBron James came in second. To compile this list, we used Twita ... More >>

  • Blogs

    April 10, 2014

    Miami Heat Falls to Second Seed in East; Playoffs Come Early With Pacers Game Friday

    It just can't ever be easy, can it? Wednesday night, the Heat dropped a second straight game, 107-102. The loss, combined with the Indiana Pacers' win against the Milwaukee Bucks last night, means the Heat now holds the second seed in the East heading into the biggest game of the year versus Indian ... More >>

  • Blogs

    January 6, 2014

    Heat-Toronto: A Dunk Like No Other (Video)

    While you were watching the NFL playoffs all weekend, the Miami Heat players were busy getting the taste of that Warriors ass-kicking out of their mouths by gargling with the Orlando Magic and Toronto Raptors on back-to-back nights. Following a 110-94 win in Orlando Saturday night, the Heat held o ... More >>

  • Blogs

    December 26, 2013

    Heat's Haslem, Birdman and Miller are Now Underwear Models

    Well, Miami is about to have a former Armani underwear model as a professional sports team owner, so we guess it only makes sense that some of our current athletes would model some mens' underthings. It's not quite Beckham on the beach in briefs, but the Heat's Chris "Birdman" Anderson, Udonis Has ... More >>

  • Blogs

    December 4, 2013

    Win Streak No More: Pistons Beat Heat 107-97

    Once again the Miami Heat replaced its regular brand of basketball with Equate for three quarters, except this time the rabid fourth quarter run fell short . The Pistons stormed out to a double-digit lead early, took an 11 point lead into the half, and survived the Heat's fourth quarter run to win 1 ... More >>

  • Blogs

    September 24, 2013

    Miami Heat Could Wear Jerseys With Nicknames Next Season

    Last names are so over. The NBA is reportedly entertaining the possibility of allowing the Miami Heat to display nicknames on the back of their jersey for at least one game against the Brooklyn Nets next season -- probably because finding an excuse to offer a new limited edition LeBron jersey is too ... More >>

  • Blogs

    June 21, 2013

    How the Heat Celebrated: LeBron, Wade Partied With Drake at Story, Battier Went to Denny's

    You're a freshly crowned, back-to-back NBA champ. The world is your oyster, and you're in one of the greatest party cities on Earth. Where do you live it up? LeBron, D-Wade, Ray Allen, and Udonis Haslem all celebrated their new rings at Story Nightclub in South Beach, dancing onstage with Drake wh ... More >>

  • Blogs

    May 27, 2013

    Heat Beat Pacers 114-96, Snatch Back Home-Court Advantage

    Nobody makes the Miami Heat bleed their own blood. Once again the Heat followed one of those rare annoying things people call "a loss" with an epic ass-stomping performance, this time a 114-96 game three win over Indiana. Miami's shooting was locked in all night, led by Udonis Haslem who finished 8- ... More >>

  • Blogs

    April 11, 2013

    Heat Backups Clinch Home Court With Franchise Record 62nd Win

    The 2013 Miami Heat is the winningest team in franchise history. Behind a solid performance from a lineup full of backups, the team beat the Wizards 103-98, winning for the 62nd time this season to surpass the 1996-97 Heat's record. More important for this season, Miami also secured home-court advan ... More >>

  • Blogs

    April 1, 2013

    Bosh Hits Game Winner To Beat Spurs 88-86 in Game Without James and Wade

    Backups? We ain't got no stinkin' backups! San Antonio seems like a good place to take a nap, and indeed rest is what the Miami Heat did while visiting the city on Sunday, sitting LeBron James, Dwyane Wade and Mario Chalmers with various minor injuries. Throwing out a starting lineup of Mike Miller, ... More >>

  • Blogs

    March 28, 2013

    Heat's Winning Streak Ends at 27 With Loss in Chicago

    If you have a heart condition or are pregnant, you should not continue reading this article due to possible health-related concerns: The Miami Heat lost. Nope, don't update your Miami New Times app; this is today's news. No need to check if today is April 1, still a few days away. It really happened ... More >>

  • Blogs

    September 27, 2012

    ESPN: Miami Heat Have Both NBA's Best and Worst Player

    I guess it's only fair that since the Miami Heat have the undisputed best basketball player in the world that they should also have the worst player in the entire league.To no one's surprise, ESPN's experts today put LeBron James atop their #NBARank listicle, which is kind of hilarious because ... More >>

  • Blogs

    June 25, 2012

    Miami Heat Championship Cake: Sparklers, Bling, and Sugar (Photos)

    When the Miami Heat wanted to celebrate their victory in a sweet way, they called the cake masters at Divine Delicacies to bake them a custom trophy cake.Laura Candeau, director of sales at Divine Delicacies, said the order came in last minute. With about two hours to create a cake worthy of champio ... More >>

  • Blogs

    June 7, 2012

    If The Heat Lose Tonight, Who Might Not Be Wearing a Miami Jersey Next Year?

    This is a silly, stupid little post to be writing. The Heat will of course stage a magnificent comeback tonight and go on to emerge victorious in the finals, because whatever powers that rule the universe will decide to give Miami, this muggy land of hurricanes, poverty, foreclosures and zombie atta ... More >>

  • Blogs

    May 31, 2012

    Heat Overcome Rajon Rondo, Take Game 2 in OT

    The Miami Heat aren't going to make this easy. Assholes. The Heat overcame a sluggish start, a dickload of missed free throws, a motivated undead Celtics team, and an All-World epic playoff performance from Rajon Rondo to get their 115-111 overtime win over Boston and take a 2-0 lead in th ... More >>

  • Blogs

    May 25, 2012

    Dwyane Wade Scores 41 as Heat Advance to Eastern Conference Finals

    Remember when Dwyane Wade crapped the bed last week and we all wrote him off, like a bunch of assholes? Pffft.Wade dropped 41 points in Miami's 105-93 beatdown of the Indiana Pacers. MV3 scored 20 of his 41 in the second quarter, going 8-for-11 from the floor, and leading the Heat past what had bec ... More >>

  • Blogs

    April 13, 2012

    Heat Get Nothing From Bench, Lose to Bulls in OT

    Holy shit bananas, that was rough.The Miami Heat dropped a gut-wrenching loss to the Chicago Bulls 96-86 in overtime last night.And while the game is meaningless in terms of overall playoff importance, it still feels like Heat fans got their collective cocks slammed in a Metrobus door. WILL SOMEONE ... More >>

  • Blogs

    January 31, 2012

    O'Grime Dedicate "Kush Smoke & Pussy" to "Women Who Smoke Weed"

    ​Whenever O'Grime's L.Rey and Nikolais Javan ain't too busy playing video games and enjoying domework, they're cranking out absurd and amazing rap vids dedicated to stuff like strippers ass-smashing Nachos Supreme, the handsomeness of Miami Heat center Udonis Haslem, or "#Planking On Yo Bitch." ... More >>

  • Blogs

    January 25, 2012

    Chris Bosh Is A Smooth Operator: Heat Take Down Cavs

    BoshBalls!​The Miami Heat seemed to have been sleepwalking through the first three quarters of last night's game against the Cleveland Cavaliers. And all that dicking around might have cost them the game if not for Chris Bosh blowing up with his 17 fourth-quarter points.Miami was able to sustain s ... More >>

  • Blogs

    December 12, 2011

    Get Free Tickets to the Premiere of Miami Heat's Into the Fire Documentary

    ​The Heat may not have a celebration quite like last year's infamous pre-season pep rally planned to kick off the season -- but maybe that's because they want you to relive that welcoming party all over again. The Heat are about to unleash a documentary film, Into the Fire, and lucky fans will get ... More >>

  • Blogs

    December 9, 2011

    James Jones and Mario Chalmers Will Return to the Heat (at a Discount)

    ​Today is finally the beginning of the NBA's free-agency period, and with the Heat's first game a little more than two weeks away, the team will have to work fast and furious to nail the roster down. We've already gotten news that Shane Battier and Eddy Curry will be new guys on the block, bu ... More >>

  • News

    November 24, 2011
  • Blogs

    September 6, 2011

    O'Grime's "Valanciunas" Basketball Tribute Track Gets Major Play in Lithuanian Arenas

    How #Swag you think they keep it in Lithuania?​Last week, O'Grime -- the fresh faces at the front of Miami's #Swag hip-hop contingency -- dropped their new single, "Valanciunas (Big V Lithuanian Hero)," a tribute to Lithuanian sports star and Toronto Raptors draft pick Jonas Valanciunas. As the t ... More >>

  • Blogs

    August 12, 2011

    Swag Out With O'Grime and Metro Zu at the Crossfade Music Series August 25

    O'Grime's L. Rey says, "Swag!"​Way back in June, we dropped the inaugural edition of the Crossfade music series at The Stage. It was a drunk punk rager starring Furious Dudes, Bulletproof Tiger, and Secret Arms. By the end of July, a full moon had risen. And so we wandered off into the woods, suc ... More >>

  • Blogs

    July 18, 2011

    Chris Bosh Got Hitched at the Fontainebleau This Weekend

    via Global Grind​Despite the fact that he may have gotten legally married to Adrienne Williams shortly before the playoffs, Chris Bosh made it official this weekend with a lavish ceremony at the Fontainebleau on Miami Beach. (Yes, the same place where the Mavs celebrated their finals win.) Unlike ... More >>

  • Blogs

    June 13, 2011

    Miami Heat vs. Dallas Mavericks NBA Finals Game 6: Kaput

    ​After winning Game six 105-95, the Dallas Mavericks are NBA champions. Meanwhile, the Miami Heat are left with a shitload of questions, LeBron James will continue to be haunted by his Finals failure, and Heat fans everywhere are walking around feeling like their favorite uncle just placed his wie ... More >>

  • Blogs

    June 13, 2011

    Lil B Acts Swag and Raps Over Pre-Recorded Tracks at Eve, June 12

    Teresa LiberatoreLil B rocking the LeBron look.Lil B With O'Grime and YNG June 12, 2011 Better Than: The outcome of the NBA Finals. Last night, hip-hop cult sensation Lil B performed to a small crowd at downtown nightclub Eve. The event was announced the day before, promoted almost exclusively on ... More >>

  • Blogs

    June 9, 2011

    The Heat Is On! A White Hot Mixtape to Help James, Wade, and Bosh Win Game Five

    We will win. We WILL win.​Alright, we didn't quite heat up the court on Tuesday night. Spirits are down, but the game was close. We just need a little collective faith and musical healing so that we can help our team actually win the Finals. We've already heard all those incredible fan-made ... More >>

  • Blogs

    June 1, 2011

    Dallas Mavericks vs. Miami Heat Game 1: Winning Time

    ​If you're a fan of low scoring games, low-percentage shooting and sleep depravity, then Game 1 of the NBA Finals was the game for you!LeBron James scored 24 while Dwyane Wade added 22 and Chris Bosh went for 19 as the Miami Heat took down the Dallas Mavericks 92-84 to take the first game of the b ... More >>

  • News

    February 17, 2011
  • Blogs

    February 13, 2011

    Shakey Situation: Krop High Shouldn't Have Escaped Disqualification

    Steve SatterwhiteBernard Wright (center, standing) flanks coach Shakey Rodriguez during their FIU days.​This news story will appear in Wednesday's issue of New Times. It includes reporting that was published last week on our news blog, and which was referenced without attribution in this weeke ... More >>

  • Blogs

    December 20, 2010

    Frank Martin Is Not a 'Scapegoat': New Times Busted Him Cold at Miami High

    via K-State Athletics​This weekend marked the homecoming of Frank Martin, a Miami native who's turned the Kansas State Wildcats into a Top 10 basketball team. If you read the Herald's glowing piece on Martin though, you may have stumbled over a couple quick sentences: Martin "was fired" as coach o ... More >>

  • Calendar

    December 2, 2010
  • News

    July 22, 2010
  • Blogs

    July 21, 2010

    Miami Heat Lands the Prized Free Agent of 1996

    ​Even after 14 long years, Pat Riley is a man who gets what he wants. Why? Because he's Pat Frickin' Riley, that's why. The Miami Heat signed free agent forward Juwan Howard yesterday to the veteran's minimum of $1.4 million. Back in 1996, and with much fanfare, Howard signed a $101 million deal ... More >>

  • Blogs

    April 8, 2010

    Miami Heat vs. Philadelphia 76ers: That's Nine Wins, Baby

    ​The Miami Heat squeezed past an awful Philadelphia 76ers team last night in a win that can only be described as "Eleanor Rooseveltian." But as unsightly as it may have been, a win is a win. Last night's 99-95 victory was Miami's ninth in a row. That makes nine straight wins and 10 games over .500 ... More >>

  • Blogs

    February 11, 2010

    Miami Heat vs. Atlanta Hawks: Kiss the Cook

    ​Did we just wake up in Bizarro World? Because usually when the Heat visits Atlanta, the Hawks tend to go all Cirque du Soleil on their asses with their slam dunk aerial assaults, sparking the home crowd into a frenzy and causing Josh Smith to hop up and down and act like a prick. But last night, ... More >>

  • Calendar

    January 7, 2010
  • Blogs

    December 8, 2009

    Heat Ladies Set to Embarrass Selves on VH1's Basektball Wives

    via PSDReal Housewives of the NBA, probably couldn't be used for legal reasons, but reality TV's love affair with ladies who lunch (and then throw it at each other) continues with VH1's upcoming Basketball Wives.While it may not satiate our need for a Miami version of Bravo's weave snatchin', table ... More >>

  • Blogs

    November 23, 2009

    News Roundup

    The ringleader of the Liberty City Seven gets 13 years in jail. [Reuters]A 2-month-old baby received a liver transplant at Holtz Children's Hospital. [CBS4]A student at Miami Norland Senior High has been hospitalized after an attack with a hair pick. [Herald]SportsThe Heat beat the Hornets last nigh ... More >>

  • Blogs

    November 4, 2009

    News Roundup

    In order to move forward on that wonderful "Slot Machines in the Airport" idea, the County Commission ok'd the Airport's pursuit of getting a horse racing permit. [SFBJ]Burn Notice star Jeffrey Donovan traveled to Tallahassee yesterday to ask that the government facilitate the filming of more televi ... More >>

  • Calendar

    April 9, 2009
  • Blogs

    April 8, 2009

    News Roundup

    LocalThe city of Miami's Historic Preservation Board decided to delay its vote on the Bacardi buildings until early next month. [Herald]The car industry is swirling down the toilet at the moment, but a "Miami car dealer is upbeat." [NYTimes]A 47 year-old man was indicted on child porn charges. [Hera ... More >>

  • News

    September 11, 2008

    Dwyane Wade Snubs the Masses at Nikki Marina

    The Olympic gold medalist steps off a yacht and heads for the VIP section

  • Diversions

    May 13, 2004


    Udonis Haslem

  • News

    July 2, 1998

    Double Dribbling

    With the clock running down, Miami High principal Victor Lopez fights back

  • News

    May 21, 1998

    Stung Again

    Miami High's principal comes out swinging as new questions arise about his school's baseball and soccer squads

  • News

    March 26, 1998

    Throw Away the Rule Book

    The agency charged with overseeing Florida's high school sports refuses to investigate Miami High's tainted basketball program

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