Udonis Haslem

Dear Internet, Miami Heat Fans Are the Most Loyal in Basketball

Damn yo, don't kill the messenger! Yesterday Riptide ran an article about a new survey done by Brand Keys that claims to show that Miami Heat fans are the most loyal in the NBA -- and then the Internet proceeded to have a shit. Nearly 650 people retweeted the piece, many incorrectly labeling the sur ... More >>

Heat Backups Clinch Home Court With Franchise Record 62nd Win

The 2013 Miami Heat is the winningest team in franchise history. Behind a solid performance from a lineup full of backups, the team beat the Wizards 103-98, winning for the 62nd time this season to surpass the 1996-97 Heat's record. More important for this season, Miami also secured home-court advan ... More >>

Heat Ties Franchise Record for Wins as LeBron Scores 28 to Beat Bucks

In a game that featured two teams seemingly just going through the motions, the Miami Heat pulled out its franchise-record-tying 61st win of the season, equaling the 1996-97 squad that finished 61-21. LeBron James was the sole member of the Big Three to suit up, and he led the Heat with 28 ... More >>

Heat's Winning Streak Ends at 27 With Loss in Chicago

If you have a heart condition or are pregnant, you should not continue reading this article due to possible health-related concerns: The Miami Heat lost. Nope, don't update your Miami New Times app; this is today's news. No need to check if today is April 1, still a few days away. It really happened ... More >>

Heat's Win Streak Hits 18 as Bosh, Wade Crush Pacers 105-91

Eighteen have entered. Zero have gone home victorious. The Indiana Pacers became just the latest victim of the Heat's insane win streak as Miami defeated the Pacers 105-91 Sunday night. The win also gave the Heat victories over every other team in the NBA this season, a franchise first. BUT THIS CRA ... More >>

Heat Hold Off Rockets 114-108 Thanks To 63 Points From James, Wade

Facing a high scoring Houston Rockets team without Chris Bosh, the Miami Heat found themselves thrust into a good old fashioned cock fight. Unfortunately for the Rockets, even without Bosh - the Heat bring two Big Swinging Dicks to the scrum. LeBron James and Dwyane Wade combined for 63 po ... More >>

ESPN: Miami Heat Have Both NBA's Best and Worst Player

I guess it's only fair that since the Miami Heat have the undisputed best basketball player in the world that they should also have the worst player in the entire league.To no one's surprise, ESPN's experts today put LeBron James atop their #NBARank listicle, which is kind of hilarious because ... More >>

"Whereas... LeBron James Decided to Take His Talent to South Beach": The Awesome Congressional Resolution Congratulating The Heat

It seems that Rep. Ileana Ros-Lehtinen went all fan girl when drafting up a Congressional resolution to congratulate the Miami Heat on their NBA championship, because the thing is actually the rare Congressional measure that's a pleasure to read. It's basically a manifesto on why the Heat are just s ... More >>

Miami Heat Championship Cake: Sparklers, Bling, and Sugar (Photos)

When the Miami Heat wanted to celebrate their victory in a sweet way, they called the cake masters at Divine Delicacies to bake them a custom trophy cake.Laura Candeau, director of sales at Divine Delicacies, said the order came in last minute. With about two hours to create a cake worthy of champio ... More >>

If The Heat Lose Tonight, Who Might Not Be Wearing a Miami Jersey Next Year?

This is a silly, stupid little post to be writing. The Heat will of course stage a magnificent comeback tonight and go on to emerge victorious in the finals, because whatever powers that rule the universe will decide to give Miami, this muggy land of hurricanes, poverty, foreclosures and zombie atta ... More >>

Dwyane Wade Scores 41 as Heat Advance to Eastern Conference Finals

Remember when Dwyane Wade crapped the bed last week and we all wrote him off, like a bunch of assholes? Pffft.Wade dropped 41 points in Miami's 105-93 beatdown of the Indiana Pacers. MV3 scored 20 of his 41 in the second quarter, going 8-for-11 from the floor, and leading the Heat past what had bec ... More >>

Chris Bosh Is A Smooth Operator: Heat Take Down Cavs

BoshBalls!​The Miami Heat seemed to have been sleepwalking through the first three quarters of last night's game against the Cleveland Cavaliers. And all that dicking around might have cost them the game if not for Chris Bosh blowing up with his 17 fourth-quarter points.Miami was able to sustain s ... More >>

Miami's 12 Bands, Producers, and Promoters Set to Take Over the Scene in 2012

​With the first month of 2012 dead and gone, it's time to take a survey of up-and-coming South Florida music and maybe try to predict what the rest of the year has in store. This is not a best-of list. Nor is it a complete appraisal of South Florida's expansive nightlife sphere and its million m ... More >>

James Jones and Mario Chalmers Will Return to the Heat (at a Discount)

​Today is finally the beginning of the NBA's free-agency period, and with the Heat's first game a little more than two weeks away, the team will have to work fast and furious to nail the roster down. We've already gotten news that Shane Battier and Eddy Curry will be new guys on the block, bu ... More >>

O'Grime's "Valanciunas" Basketball Tribute Track Gets Major Play in Lithuanian Arenas

How #Swag you think they keep it in Lithuania?​Last week, O'Grime -- the fresh faces at the front of Miami's #Swag hip-hop contingency -- dropped their new single, "Valanciunas (Big V Lithuanian Hero)," a tribute to Lithuanian sports star and Toronto Raptors draft pick Jonas Valanciunas. As the t ... More >>

Swag Out With O'Grime and Metro Zu at the Crossfade Music Series August 25

O'Grime's L. Rey says, "Swag!"​Way back in June, we dropped the inaugural edition of the Crossfade music series at The Stage. It was a drunk punk rager starring Furious Dudes, Bulletproof Tiger, and Secret Arms. By the end of July, a full moon had risen. And so we wandered off into the woods, suc ... More >>

Chris Bosh Got Hitched at the Fontainebleau This Weekend

via Global Grind​Despite the fact that he may have gotten legally married to Adrienne Williams shortly before the playoffs, Chris Bosh made it official this weekend with a lavish ceremony at the Fontainebleau on Miami Beach. (Yes, the same place where the Mavs celebrated their finals win.) Unlike ... More >>

Miami Heat vs. Dallas Mavericks NBA Finals Game 6: Kaput

​After winning Game six 105-95, the Dallas Mavericks are NBA champions. Meanwhile, the Miami Heat are left with a shitload of questions, LeBron James will continue to be haunted by his Finals failure, and Heat fans everywhere are walking around feeling like their favorite uncle just placed his wie ... More >>

Lil B Acts Swag and Raps Over Pre-Recorded Tracks at Eve, June 12

Teresa LiberatoreLil B rocking the LeBron look.Lil B With O'Grime and YNG June 12, 2011 Better Than: The outcome of the NBA Finals. Last night, hip-hop cult sensation Lil B performed to a small crowd at downtown nightclub Eve. The event was announced the day before, promoted almost exclusively on ... More >>

The Heat Is On! A White Hot Mixtape to Help James, Wade, and Bosh Win Game Five

We will win. We WILL win.​Alright, we didn't quite heat up the court on Tuesday night. Spirits are down, but the game was close. We just need a little collective faith and musical healing so that we can help our team actually win the Finals. We've already heard all those incredible fan-made ... More >>

Dallas Mavericks vs. Miami Heat Game 1: Winning Time

​If you're a fan of low scoring games, low-percentage shooting and sleep depravity, then Game 1 of the NBA Finals was the game for you!LeBron James scored 24 while Dwyane Wade added 22 and Chris Bosh went for 19 as the Miami Heat took down the Dallas Mavericks 92-84 to take the first game of the b ... More >>

Heat-Bulls Game 4/Election-Results Live Blog-a-palooza

​Big night in Miami tonight. On one side, the Miami Heat hosting the Chicago Bulls in Game 4 of the Eastern Conference Finals. On the other, the Miami-Dade elections. What's a good Miamian to do? Watch the game? Check on the election results?Well, don't fret, good citizen. Just stay with us t ... More >>

Chris Bosh's Baby Mama Allison Mathis Joining VH1's Basketball Wives

via Deadspin​Real Housewives of Miami premiers tonight, but Basketball Wives, that other Miami-set show about bickering bimbos, may have just stolen its local shine with news that they've snagged a lady connected to one of the Miami Heat's big three for their next season. TMZ reports that Allison ... More >>

Krop's basketball coach skirts recruiting rules

Shakey Situation: Krop High Shouldn't Have Escaped Disqualification

Steve SatterwhiteBernard Wright (center, standing) flanks coach Shakey Rodriguez during their FIU days.​This news story will appear in Wednesday's issue of New Times. It includes reporting that was published last week on our news blog, and which was referenced without attribution in this weeke ... More >>

Disqualified Krop Baller Bryan Delancy's Sketchy Living Situation

​At three this afternoon at a Downtown courthouse, attorneys representing Dr. Michael Krop High will argue that the disqualification of one of the school's basketball players over an immigration issue is illegal. Whether Florida's number-one ranked high school team qualifies for the playoffs hangs ... More >>

LeBron James Decides Heat's Nickname is "The Heatles," Unfortunately

​Back when LeBron James and Chris Bosh joined Dwyane Wade down here in Miami there was a mini-obsession with finding the perfect nickname for them. There was talks of Miami Thrice, MV3, the James Gang, and even three-headed shitstorm. Though, we never really settled on anything, did we? Well, the ... More >>

Frank Martin Is Not a 'Scapegoat': New Times Busted Him Cold at Miami High

via K-State Athletics​This weekend marked the homecoming of Frank Martin, a Miami native who's turned the Kansas State Wildcats into a Top 10 basketball team. If you read the Herald's glowing piece on Martin though, you may have stumbled over a couple quick sentences: Martin "was fired" as coach o ... More >>

Cavlier Attitude

New Jersey is Better Than Miami: Diner Edition

John Zur11th Street Diner, Miami Beach.​Dear Miami, Hailing from the great state of New Jersey, I was privileged to growing up with the best pizza, bakeries, delis, and diners in the country. With over 500 diners in "The Garden State," Jersey is The Diner Capital of the World. It's something to be ... More >>

Miami Heat Lands the Prized Free Agent of 1996

​Even after 14 long years, Pat Riley is a man who gets what he wants. Why? Because he's Pat Frickin' Riley, that's why. The Miami Heat signed free agent forward Juwan Howard yesterday to the veteran's minimum of $1.4 million. Back in 1996, and with much fanfare, Howard signed a $101 million deal ... More >>

Ten Possibly Immoral Ways The Heat Could Beat the Celtics

via Keith Allison/ Wiki Commons cc2.0​Things aren't looking too good for our beloved Miami Heat in the playoffs right now. Especially after their disastrous 106-77 loss to the Celtics on Tuesday. Even an inspired performance by Dwyane Wade can't ensure a win. Sure, we'll get ho ... More >>

Basketball Wives' Evelyn Lozada on Pat Riley, Khloe Kardashian, and Why It's Hard to Keep a Man in Miami

​Our fair city has been under siege from an army of reality television crew cameras. What with Snooki strutting about town in DIY Lady Gaga glasses, Oxygen's Bad Girls Club doing god knows what, the Kardashians deeply involved in capturing absolutely nothing of interest on camera and calling it a ... More >>

Miami Heat vs. Philadelphia 76ers: That's Nine Wins, Baby

​The Miami Heat squeezed past an awful Philadelphia 76ers team last night in a win that can only be described as "Eleanor Rooseveltian." But as unsightly as it may have been, a win is a win. Last night's 99-95 victory was Miami's ninth in a row. That makes nine straight wins and 10 games over .500 ... More >>

Miami Heat vs. Orlando Magic: Behind the Eight Ball

​Well, it's official. Dwyane Wade needs a crap-load of help. Sure it was great to see D-Wade back in action last night after being sidelined with a strained calf since February 17. But even with Wade doing his usual routine of denting asses in a single bound, the Miami Heat continued to suffer fro ... More >>

No Boozer or Big Trade for Miami; Wade's OK, But Will He Stay?

It was already clear that we wouldn't be getting Amar'e, but last minute rumors that The Heat might be landing Carlos Boozer from the Utah Jazz appeared to be unfounded."That was like, huh, what?'' Jazz general manager Kevin O'Connor said this afternoon, according to the Deseret News.So that means n ... More >>

Miami Heat vs. Atlanta Hawks: Kiss the Cook

​Did we just wake up in Bizarro World? Because usually when the Heat visits Atlanta, the Hawks tend to go all Cirque du Soleil on their asses with their slam dunk aerial assaults, sparking the home crowd into a frenzy and causing Josh Smith to hop up and down and act like a prick. But last night, ... More >>

Controlling the Pace

Heat Ladies Set to Embarrass Selves on VH1's Basektball Wives

via PSDReal Housewives of the NBA, probably couldn't be used for legal reasons, but reality TV's love affair with ladies who lunch (and then throw it at each other) continues with VH1's upcoming Basketball Wives.While it may not satiate our need for a Miami version of Bravo's weave snatchin', table ... More >>

News Roundup

The ringleader of the Liberty City Seven gets 13 years in jail. [Reuters]A 2-month-old baby received a liver transplant at Holtz Children's Hospital. [CBS4]A student at Miami Norland Senior High has been hospitalized after an attack with a hair pick. [Herald]SportsThe Heat beat the Hornets last nigh ... More >>

News Roundup

In order to move forward on that wonderful "Slot Machines in the Airport" idea, the County Commission ok'd the Airport's pursuit of getting a horse racing permit. [SFBJ]Burn Notice star Jeffrey Donovan traveled to Tallahassee yesterday to ask that the government facilitate the filming of more televi ... More >>

Dwyane Wade Snubs the Masses at Nikki Marina

The Olympic gold medalist steps off a yacht and heads for the VIP section

The Party Crasher - Rick Ross Trilla Release Party at Mansion

Fur Love

Streetball Legends

The hoops players at Moore Park may be amateurs, but they are very intense

BEST HEAT HOMEBOY

Udonis Haslem

Double Dribbling

With the clock running down, Miami High principal Victor Lopez fights back

Throw Away the Rule Book

The agency charged with overseeing Florida's high school sports refuses to investigate Miami High's tainted basketball program

Traveling Team

Fourteen of the the fifteen players on the current Stingaree roster appear to hail from outside the Miami Senior High School attendance zone