Tony Sparano

  • Blogs

    May 22, 2014

    The Dolphins Have Gotten Worse Every Single Decade (And Probably Won't Be Much Better Next Season)

    The Miami Dolphins are the exact opposite of fine wine, cheese and that hot cougar who lives down the street. They're only getting worse with age, and it's backed up by data. Data journalist Rob Barry pointed out on his website that the Fins are one of only two teams whose win percentage has gotten ... More >>

  • Blogs

    January 15, 2013

    Herald Unveils Most Boring Sun Life Stadium Headline Ever

    If you were one of the dwindling number of people who still wake up to the physical edition of The Miami Herald you were greeted by news you've likely known about for roughly 24 hours now: the Miami Dolphins are asking for tax money to pay for a $400 million upgrade to Sun Life Stadium.So did the He ... More >>

  • Blogs

    January 14, 2013

    Cam Cameron May Replace Tony Sparano as Jets' OC, Because The Jets Have a Sick Dolphins Obsession Apparently

    Much like Finkle and Einhorn, it seems like the Dolphins are the Jets. The Jets are the Dolphins. Seriously, for two sworn enemies, the teams have an odd habit of hiring the other's left overs.Now that former Dolphins head coach Tony Sparano was fired after only a year in to his follow-up job at the ... More >>

  • Blogs

    January 9, 2013

    Jets Might Hire Dolphins Assistant GM Brian Gaine as Their New GM, Which Should Work Out Well For Them

    If there was one silver lining to the NFL season for Dolphins fans this year, it was the fact that while our team might have been mediocre at best, at least we weren't the laughing stock the New York Jets became this year.They've fired their General Manager Mike Tannenbaum, and sort of surprisingly ... More >>

  • Blogs

    December 26, 2012

    Bad Week For Ex-Dolphins: Chad Johnson's Sex Tape Leaks, Joey Porter Goes To Jail

    The Miami Dolphins didn't have the best Christmas week: Despite smothering the Bills on Sunday, they were knocked out of the playoffs yet again when the Bengals later won. But the team can at least take comfort that their holidays weren't nearly as awful as two former Fins stars.Loudmouth linebacker ... More >>

  • Blogs

    October 26, 2012

    Miami Dolphins' Five Keys To Victory Versus Jets

    Your Miami Dolphins, fresh off their bye week, travel to New Jersey to take on the dirty, stinkin' Jets in that cesspool of filth they call a stadium in the Meadowlands. Let's look at five keys for this Sunday's matchup:

  • Blogs

    September 24, 2012

    Dolphins Lose to Jets 23-20 After Missed Field Goals, Reggie Bush Injury

    There was a time when kicker Dan Carpenter was responsible for the majority of the points the Dolphins scores, and could be relied upon to line up and bang out a field goal -- from seemingly any distance -- with a twirl of his flowing locks. That time is gone now.The Miami Dolphins lost to the New Y ... More >>

  • News

    July 26, 2012
  • Blogs

    July 19, 2012

    Miami Marlins, Miami Dolphins Give Big To Political Committees

    Life on the field has not gone well for Miami's football and baseball franchises. The Marlins sucked ass during the first half of the season playing inside the team's sparkling new ball park, which was financed with half-a-billion dollars in taxpayer funds. Meanwhile, the Dolphins organization has b ... More >>

  • Blogs

    May 29, 2012

    Miami Dolphins Will Star in HBO's Hard Knocks Reality Show

    What does a celebrity do when they need a quick jolt of publicity to revive a fading career? Reality TV, of course. What does a sports team desperately in need of some public goodwill and attention do when they're being overshadowed in their own city? Apparently, the exact same thing.The Miami Dolph ... More >>

  • Blogs

    March 20, 2012

    Joey Porter Rips Jeff Ireland: Not "What a GM's Supposed To Be"

    ​Oh man, have we ever missed Joey Porter and his big, fat, flapping mouth. He talked himself out of town back in 2010. Porter pretty much got fired after ripping the team's management and then coach Tony Sparano. Rest assured, he still has words for Dolphins GM Jeff Ireland and sounded off about t ... More >>

  • Blogs

    January 11, 2012

    Jeff Fisher Might Be Ever So Close to Taking the Dolphins Head Coaching Job

    ​Despite reports that he was "95 percent certain" he was going to take a job with the St. Louis Rams, former Tennessee Titans head coach Jeff Fisher is the subject of reports saying that he's ready to commit to the Miami Dolphins now instead.It's not clear what changed Fisher's mind, or if he has ... More >>

  • Blogs

    January 10, 2012

    Hurricanes' 2002 BSC Win No Longer Lowest-Rated Championship Game

    ​The 2001 Miami Hurricanes are considered by most sane and reasonable people to be the greatest college football team of all time, but that didn't necessarily translate to big TV ratings. Their appearance in that year's Rose Bowl against the Nebraska Cornhuskers was the lowest-rated BCS Championsh ... More >>

  • Blogs

    December 19, 2011

    Dolphins Take Down Bills, Still In Last Place

    ​The Dolphins took down the Buffalo Bills 30-23 in a snowy Orchard Park yesterday. Reggie Bush ran for a career-high 203 yards. It was also their first win without Tony Sparano.With just two games left to play, the Fins victory brings their record to 5-9, putting the team on track for yet another ... More >>

  • Blogs

    December 5, 2011

    Dolphins Take Down Raiders, Have Four Wins Now

    ​Amazingly and infuriatingly, the Miami Dolphins have come tromping out of the depths of a shitty season like a reanimated zombie and have suddenly started kicking opponents asses and eating their brains.The Dolphins defense stabbed the Raiders in the face with their ferociousness, while the offen ... More >>

  • Calendar

    November 24, 2011
  • Blogs

    November 18, 2011

    Dolphin's Dan Carpenter Listed as Questionable, Who Will Score For Them Now?

    The Dolphins have scored 158 points total this season. Between field goals and extra points, Kicker Dan Carpenter has scored 68 of those points. Basically, the dude is responsible for a ridiculous 42 percent of the Dolphin's scoring this season, including the Jets game where he was the only person t ... More >>

  • Blogs

    November 14, 2011

    Holy Crap, the Dolphins Won Again!

    ​Well that about wraps it up for the first overall pick. The Miami Dolphins were able to both grab an early lead and then not vomit all over it by taking down the vaunted indomitable unconquerable mostly shitty Washington Redskins 20-9 yesterday at Sun Life Stadium.The win snaps a seven-game home ... More >>

  • Blogs

    October 31, 2011

    The Dolphins Nearly Pulled It Off This Time. Honestly!

    The Flying Bag of Penis that is the Miami Dolphins nearly went and fucked things up by almost winning a game yesterday. But Suck For Luck is alive and well after the New York Giants woke up from their zombie-like state and handed Miami their seventh loss of the season in a 20-17 final.Understandably ... More >>

  • Blogs

    October 26, 2011

    There's Now a "Suck for Luck" T-Shirt

    ​Sometimes we wonder how far this Suck for Luck business will go. Join us in our imagination: It's January 1, and the Jets are visiting Sun Life for the last game of the year. The Fins are 0-16. There's less than a minute left on the clock, and the Indianapolis Colts have just pulled off their fir ... More >>

  • Blogs

    October 25, 2011

    Jacory Harris Deserves Credit and an Apology For Racially Biased Sportswriting

    ​Luther "Luke" Campbell, the man whose booty-shaking madness made the U.S. Supreme Court stand up for free speech, gets as nasty as he wants to be for Miami New Times. This week, Campbell wonders when Jacory Harris will get his due.The sports media in South Florida is really one-sided. None of the ... More >>

  • Blogs

    October 18, 2011

    Miami Dolphins: The Suckiest Bunch of Sucks That Ever Sucked A Suck

    ​Watching the Miami Dolphins is like opening a gift and expecting something other than a box full of dicks. And that box full of dicks is now 0-5 after a 24-6 loss to their hated rival New York Jets on Monday Night Football.So the bad news is, the Dolphins remain winless and are in last place ... More >>

  • Blogs

    October 17, 2011

    Tony Sparano and Jeff Ireland Likely to Find Themselves Unemployed After the Season

    ​In news that shouldn't surprise anyone, The Miami Herald reports that Stephen Ross is mentally preparing to send a pink slip to both Dolphins head coach Tony Sparano and general manager Jeff Ireland. Interestingly however, Ross apparently has a bit of "Suck for Luck" fever, and is hoping to bring ... More >>

  • Blogs

    October 14, 2011

    Brady, Belichick Two Wins Away from Breaking Marino and Shula's Wins Record

    ​After 27 years, Dan Marino's record for most yards in a single season is expected to be overtaken. Even Marino admits as much. But another Marino record will almost surely be broken this year.With 116 wins together with the Dolphins, Marino and Don Shula hold he NFL record for most wins by a QB a ... More >>

  • Blogs

    October 2, 2011

    Dolphins Need John Gruden to Be Their Coach

    Uncle Luke, the man whose booty-shaking madness once made the U.S. Supreme Court stand up for free speech, gets as nasty as he wants to be for Miami New Times. This week, Luke explains why the Miami Dolphins should hire John Gruden as head coach.  The only way Miami Dolphins owner Stephen ... More >>

  • News

    August 18, 2011
  • Blogs

    August 1, 2011

    Jason Taylor Returns to Miami Dolphins, Again

    ​Football's greatest on-again, off-again team-player love affair is officially back on. Jason Taylor is coming back to the Miami Dolphins for his third stint. The 36-year-old is expected to fill the team's need for a depth pass rusher. So does this mean he's officially the most popular guy on ... More >>

  • Blogs

    July 29, 2011

    QB Matt Moore Signs Two-Year Deal With Dolphins

    ​Well, that didn't take long. According to the Oregonian, quarterback Matt Moore has signed a two-year deal with the Miami Dolphins. This pretty much ends any speculation that the Fins would sign a proven QB better than Chad Henne.

  • Blogs

    March 21, 2011

    Dolphins Possibly Interested in Carson Palmer

    ​While the Dolphins brass continues to damn Chad Henne with the faintest of praise, the team appears to be looking for a real quarterback solution during the off-season. With the Dolphins having only the 15th pick in the draft, a rookie QB might not be the answer, so rumor has it they might turn t ... More >>

  • Blogs

    December 26, 2010

    Dolphins Implode Against Lions, Finish Season 1-7 At Home

    ​With no playoffs and no hope left for this season, the Dolphins entered a pretty meaningless game against the Detroit Lions on Sunday, all things considered. There was very little to be gained from a win other than to say they didn't lose to the Detroit Lions. But that didn't lessen the sting whe ... More >>

  • Blogs

    December 6, 2010

    Dolphins Lose to Browns, Fall to 1-5 at Home

    Oh what could have been...​The Miami Dolphins fell to the Cleveland Browns 13-10 on Sunday in a game that was probably the worst-case scenario for making an argument that American football is exciting.While both teams' offenses did their darndest to lull you into unconsciousness, there was a palpa ... More >>

  • Blogs

    October 7, 2010

    Is Chad Henne In Danger of Losing the Starting Job?

    ​There's a lot being said this week about the Miami Dolphins quarterback situation. Mainly, is this it for Chad Henne? This comes largely thanks to a three-interception performance by Henne during Monday's gash-fest against the New England Patriots. On Tuesday, ESPN analyst Chris Mortensen reporte ... More >>

  • Blogs

    September 30, 2010

    Bill Parcells Says He's Not Retiring, May Not Stay With Dolphins

    Just before the start of the season Dolphins vice president of football shocked fans by announcing he was handing over all of his duties to General Manager Jeff Ireland. While he still remains as a "consultant" to the Dolphins and his contract with the team runs through the 2011 season, comments he ... More >>

  • Blogs

    September 3, 2010

    Canes Dominate, Dolphins Not So Much

    ​If Florida A&M's goal was to come out and get completely annihilated in the most humbling way imaginable, then mission accomplished because The U came out and crushed the Rattlers 45-0 last night. The defense recorded eight sacks, Jacory Harris tossed three touchdowns, Leonard Hankerson caugh ... More >>

  • Blogs

    August 27, 2010

    Dolphins Host the Falcons Tonight: What To Watch For

    The starting squad for your Miami Dolphins has not been able to catch a break with the all the rain during the first two pre-season games. Against the Buccaneers two weeks ago, a rainstorm created a quagmire in Sun Life Stadium. Last week, the foul weather followed them up to Jacksonville where a li ... More >>

  • Blogs

    August 9, 2010

    Dolphins to Hold Practice Tonight at Sun Life Stadium (Update: No They Won't)

    The Robot Chad Henne​If this past Saturday's seven-on-seven scrimmage is any indication, the Miami Dolphins will go 0-16 and then explode. In a nutshell, the new-look offense starring wide receiver Brandon Marshall was atrocious. Even though Marshall has been dominant during practices, he finished ... More >>

  • Blogs

    June 16, 2010

    Channing Crowder "Couldn't Give A Damn" About Pleasing Dolphins Fans

    via Deuce of DavenportGo choke on a poison apple, Crowder.With Joey Porter long gone Channing Crowder took the spot of the Dolphin's top trash talker. Now with Tedd Ginn Jr. out of the way (thankfully), The Sun-Sentinel's Omar Kelly seems worried that Crowder could also take the place of the fanbase ... More >>

  • Blogs

    January 14, 2010

    Football Musical Chairs: Groh Top Candidate for Fins; USF Hires Holtz

    ​The past months have seen a lively game of musical chairs in the NCAA and NFL. Though the hottest action hasn't concerned Miami teams much, the effects are being felt here. The Dolphins fired defensive coordinator Paul Pasqualoni last week, and it seems like they're hoping to ... More >>

  • Blogs

    December 21, 2009

    Four Reasons the Dolphins Crapped the Bed on Their Season

    ​Just days before Christmas, the Miami Dolphins were supposed to come up with another big win to inch closer to a post-season berth. Instead, they delivered a stocking full of turds in the form of a 27-24 loss in overtime to the Tennessee Titans. There's plenty of blame to go around for their play ... More >>

  • Blogs

    December 2, 2009

    News Roundup: Hotel Bookings on the Rise; Heat Beat Blazers

    Miami hotels may be seeing an increase in booking this winter, but with discounted rates it may not help them turn a profit. [Herald]Lincoln Diaz-Balart received an award from the Ukraine. [Herald]Here's an explanation of all those fancy designer stores (Gucci, Louboutin, etc.) that have popped up t ... More >>

  • Blogs

    November 17, 2009

    Chad Pennington Not Sure if He's Coming Back ...Ever

    Chad Pennington has already worked his way back from throwing arm injuries twice in his career, and he's not sure if he can do it for a third time.According to the Associated Press, Pennington has finished the first phase of rehabilitation, but may wait until as late as March to decide if he'll con ... More >>

  • Blogs

    October 26, 2009

    Miami Dolphins Implode Against New Orleans Saints

    ​When a team leads 24-10 at the half while having forced three turnovers, combined for five sacks and rushed for 128 yards and four touchdowns, that team will, more often than not, end up the victor. But this is the Miami Dolphins. Normal rules need not apply. This is Suck Country. The Fins could ... More >>

  • Calendar

    October 1, 2009
  • Blogs

    September 1, 2009

    News Roundup

    Efraim Diveroli, the 23-year-old Miami Beach arms dealer who illegally supplied Chinese-made ammunition to Afghanistan, has pleaded guilty. He face five years in prison and a $250,000 fine. [Reuters] Mitch McConnell and John McCain are confirmed to be at that health-care forum today in Hi ... More >>

  • Blogs

    September 23, 2008

    One Of These Things Looks Like The Other

    via Look Liker Look Liker, a very important website that exists solely to provide the valuable service of pointing out that from certain angles various persons of note somewhat resemble each other, brought us the news yesterday that Dolphins QB Chad Pennington sorta, kinda looks like reigning geek ... More >>

  • Blogs

    September 22, 2008

    The Dolphins Would Like to Invite the Naysayers to Eat a Dick Sandwich

    The Miami Dolphins shocked the world Sunday, defeating the mighty New England Patriots in Foxboro 38-13. Ronnie Brown accounted for all five touchdowns, leading the previously hapless Fins in their Ike Turner-esque bitch slap of the Patriots in New England. The victory ended the Pats' 21-regular sea ... More >>

  • Blogs

    January 23, 2008

    Bowles To Be the New Defensive Coordinator? is saying that Cowboys secondary coach Todd Bowles is expected to be named the Dolphins' defensive coordinator. Bowles is described as a laid back coach, which is something the players in Dallas apparently liked about him. He was at one point interviewed for the head coaching job ... More >>

  • Blogs

    January 7, 2008
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    January 2, 2008
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