Subject: Sports Stars

• Ball to the Future

  March 26, 2009

• Shaq's Resume Gets Taller

  March 8, 2007

• Rudy Crew as Michael Jordan? We Think Not

  August 2, 2007

• Last Night: Chris Rock at the Hard Rock

  February 12, 2008

• NBA Free Agency Starts Today But Everyone Knows It Really Starts in 2010

  July 1, 2008

• Jose Canseco Bashed By County Commission

  September 8, 2008

• From the Cradle to the Rave

  July 8, 2004

• The Best of Shaq

  June 16, 2005

• Lil Wayne's Winter Wonderland

  The British tabloids are buzzing this morning that two football soccer stars have been banned by their team's management from attending a huge Christmas week party in Miami held by Lil Wayne and Akon. Whatever to this UK soccer saga, but this is first we're hearing of the party which the tabs (who are not known for hyperbole at all) are calling "the biggest hip-hop bash ever thrown." Supposedly, the bill for the gala is going to top £1 million (in American money, taking into account the streng

  December 1, 2008

• Sports World Horrified by New Sneaker

  After Chanel debuted its "Miami Vice" shoe, which came complete with a mini pistol in place of the heel, at this summer's Cruise collection, Miami is starting to gain a reputation for debuting controversial footwear. While Kobe Bryant is no Karl Lagerfeld, he's following in the Kaiser's footsteps by debuting his new Nike signature sneaker when the Lakers play the Heat at the Triple A December 19. A controversial sneaker? See, we're not sure how to break it to you, but Bryant's latest show is ...

  December 12, 2008

• Michael Jordan Buys A Humble Three Bedroom in Kendall

  After OJ Simpson had to switch his residency to a prison pen, Kendall has been missing a sports star resident to call its own. Well, trading OJ Simpson for Michael Jordan would be a major coup. As first reported by The Palm Beach Post, it seems Michael Jordan and his 30 year-old Cuban-American beau Yvette Prieto have indeed bought a 3-bedroom house together in Kendall for $281,000.  We took a look at the abode on Google maps (check it out the behind the cut) and it doesn't seem fit for a sp

  February 23, 2009

• Miami's MLS Bid Is Dead, Blame It On Beckham

  via Wikimedia CommonsThe only elongated yelp wannabe soccer announcers in Miami will be proclaiming anytime soon is, "Nooooooooooooooooooo!" As in no "gooooooooool!"  Major League Soccer, FC Barcelona, and Marcelo Claure jointly announced today that a plan to bring an expansion team to Miami has ended "due to adverse market conditions." In the press release Claure leaves the possibility open for another try in the hopefully non-depressed future, ""I remain a believer in MLS and the future

  March 3, 2009

• That Championship Season

  June 1, 1994

• Even After A Beating, Bulls Fans Still Want Some Wade

  via NBA.comThere are a lot of Bulls fans out there who salivate at the idea of Dwyane Wade in their red, white, and black jersey. To them, signing Wade is a right, considering the guy was born in Chicago and idolized Michael Jordan as a kid (then again, who didn't?). Even after Wade single-handedly lifted the Heat to a thrilling win against the has-been team last night, there's no hard feelings. They want him more than ever. There was a considerable amount of buzz that the Bulls wanted to draft

  March 10, 2009

• Murray and Azarenka Win Miami Masters... Wait, Who?

  Just about the only bold names casual American tennis fans can be expected to recognize who performed up to expectations at this year's Miami Masters were Andy Roddick and Venus Williams. Roddick made it as far as he could until he got dropped by Roger Federer; meanwhile, Venus put up a good show until she got defeated by her sister. Looking at their recent careers, really that is the best we can expect from them. As for the other superstars on Key Biscayne, what in hell happened? Rafael Nadal w

  April 6, 2009

• Latino Sluggers

  September 15, 2005

• K-Dur?

  November 8, 2007

• "Happy" Mother's Day, for $2.99

  August 9, 2007

• Young Sparks of the NBA

  February 2, 2006

• Tie One On

  March 8, 2007

• Tennis, anyone?

  March 22, 2007

• Cadillacs and Basketball

  September 14, 2006

• The Drink-'Em-Up World Cup

  June 29, 2006

• Zo Good

  July 15, 2004

• BEST LOCAL SPORTS TOURNAMENT

  May 13, 2004

• BEST SMALL-TOWN PARADE

  May 16, 2002

• Avant Art Arrival

  October 4, 2001

• Best Heat Player

  May 11, 2000

• B-Ball's Man

  May 4, 2000

• From the Desk of Patrick James Riley

  WikicommonsDear Chicago, please trade us Derrick Rose for Michael Beasley...Dear Memphis, please trade us O.J. Mayo for Michael Beasley...Dear New Jersey, please trade us Brook Lopez for Michael Beasley...Dear Minnesota, please trade us Kevin Love for Michael Beasley...Dear L.A. (no, the other L.A.), please trade us Eric Gordon for Michael Beasley...Dear Oklahoma, please trade us Russell Westbrook for Michael Beasley...Dear Charlotte, please trade us D.J. Augustin for Michael Beasley...Dear Sacr

  May 5, 2009

• In Classy Show of Humility, Shaq Offers to Taste Kobe Bryant's Ass

  Before the NBA Finals began, there were quite a few columns written about this Magic-Lakers series being haunted by the Ghost of Shaquille O'Neal -- you know, because the former Miami fixture played for both teams and has had such a contentious history with Kobe Bryant. Seemed like a bit of a reach to us, but Shaq embraced it, announcing his endorsement of the Lakers and talking inexplicable smack about Dwight Howard.And after Los Angeles finished a five-game vanquishing of Orlando last night,

  June 15, 2009

• Shaquille O'Neal vs. The Korean Giant Who Kicked Jose Canseco's Ass

  Last month, we reported that Riptide's boxing match against Michael Lohan would still go on even though Jose Canseco got his ass kicked in Japan by a Korean giant. Huh? Y'know, you should probably just read it.Anyway, earlier this week, former Miamian-and-now-despised-jerk Shaquille O'Neal challenged Hong Man Choi -- the Mixed Martial Arts giant who kicked Canseco's ass -- to a fight upon his retirement. Shaq also pretty much called Canseco the low-hanging fruit of the celebrity-fighting world,

  June 19, 2009

• Dwyane's Disaster

  July 9, 2009

• Bring Lamar Odom Back to Miami

  WikicommonsReports this morning say L.A. Lakers owner Jerry Buss has withdrawn his offer to NBA forward Lamar Odom after Odom's agent didn't contact Buss with an answer. The offer was for four years/$36 million or three years/$30 million. Apparently, Odom is holding out for a five-year/$50 million deal.Teams in the running include the Portland Trail Blazers (GM Kevin Pritchard seems to be interested in everyone, regardless of what position his team actually needs -- hint, hint SF); the Dallas Ma

  July 15, 2009

• Dwyane Wade Ditches Converse for Nike

  A pair of Wade Converse, which, let's be honest, are kind of ugly.We're far from the biggest sneaker heads out there, but we always thought the Dwyane Wade shoes for Converse were fugly. Maybe Wade agreed, because he hasn't been spotted much wearing the latest Wade 4 model, and is now set to switch his allegiance to Nike's Jumpman label, AKA Jordans. Converse hasn't been known for its basketball shoes in years, and yes, its iconic Chuck Taylors are named after a basketball star, but you're

  July 17, 2009

• Danica and Dale Jr.: Go for It!

  Take it easy, Danica. You've won only one of these.​Aside from the cars going really fast on four wheels, with about three-quarters of the laps being relatively dull, NASCAR and IndyCar have about as much in common as the Rock and Philip Seymour Hoffman. However, the two racing leagues might lose marquee drivers to each other. IndyCar's Danica Patrick and NASCAR's Dale Earnhardt Jr. are rumored to have thoughts about switching leagues. Patrick, the only woman to win an IndyCar race,

  July 27, 2009

• Non-New Times Media Catches up to Dwyane Wade's Baron Nemesis Story... Sort of

  Jacob Katel This is the face Dwyane Wade makes when you say the words "Richard von Houtman".​Earlier this month, New Times published "Dwyane's Disaster," a feature on the catastrophic business relationship Heat superstar Dwyane Wade formed with Baron Richard von Houtman- an accused wife-beater with druglord ties. In case you were wondering what the Baron thought about our story, he called us up a few days after it was published and declared, "I think you were a bit cruel to me.

  July 28, 2009

• The Dwyane-Desertion Paranoia Countdown: Confronting His Baron Nemesis Will Drive Wade Away

  Jacob Katel If this is the face Dwyane Wade makes when you simply mention Richard von Houtman's name, what happens when Wade actually sees him? Projectile vomit?​Ever been in an intimate relationship at work that ended badly? We bet all you wanted to do afterward, in order to escape seeing your thwarted love partner by the copy machine every day at 10 a.m., was find another place to work.They say that a business partnership is a lot like a courtship. And in 2007, Miami Heat demigod -- a

  September 17, 2009

• Stargaze on Earth at LIV

  September 10, 2009

• Five reasons Miami will never host the Olympics

  October 8, 2009

• The Book of Isiah

  October 22, 2009

• Is All Forgiven for A-Rod?

  Photo by Keith Allison/CC 2.0​2009 was shaping up to be one of the worst years of Alex Rodriguez's life. He was already embroiled in a public divorce underscored by rumors that he was schtupping a woman 17 years his season -- ok it was Madonna, but still. Then in February, Sports Illustrated and that pesky Selena Roberts dropped the bombshell that Rodriguez had indeed tested positive for steroids while an MLB player, a scandal he didn't handle well by most PR standards. All those, "Oh, he

  October 21, 2009

• Three-Feat

  October 29, 2009

• Top Five Dream Miami Heat Lineups for 2010

  Photo by Keith Allison, via Flickr​Running off the pure optimism of Wednesday night's opening beat-down of the New York Knicks, I present to you the top five Miami Heat starting lineups for the 2010-2011 season.As most fans know, the Heat will have perhaps the best cap space situation in the league next summer to lure free agents, thanks to Pat Riley's admirable discipline in not throwing a bad contract to some schlub this summer just to calm the moronic fan base. Some of that $20-22 million

  October 30, 2009

• Food News Roundup: Benihana, Fiji Water, Jamaican Jerk, Michael Jordan, Necker Island, and Cuban Food

  Canadian companies attend America's largest food and beverage show, coming soon to Miami Beach. [GovMonitor]Miami-based Benihana restaurants to donate 100% of Fiji Water sales revenue to Best Buddies charity for month of November. [Reuters]8th annual Grace Jamaican Jerk Festival this weekend at Markham Park, a short jog north in Broward. [CaribbeanWorldNews]Tom Brady at Prime 112, Michael Jordan at Cafe Prima Pasta, Don Shula at Anthony's Coal Fired Pizza, Enrique Iglesias at Michael's Genuine,

  November 3, 2009

• Miami Dolphins Preview: One Insufferable Fanbase Down, One To Go

  ​When last we saw our Miami Dolphins, they were busy beating the bejesus out of the shitdipping trash-talking New York Jets, and silencing their shitdipping trash-talking fans in the process. It was one of the most satisfying wins in recent memory. Jason Taylor was able to talk some trash of his own about New York, and Ted Ginn Jr. - fresh off his redeeming record-setting 2 kickoff return touchdown performance - was compared to Jesus Christ by his offensive coordinator. Not too shabby.This wee

  November 7, 2009

• Miami Dolphins Lose: Hauntingly Familiar

  ​When Vontae Davis started off the game with a leaping interception that can only be described as Fuck Yea!, the consensus feeling was the Dolphins were going to make this one interesting. Maybe even pull off the upset. Alas, it was not to be. The Patriots were able to show us, once again, that the Dolphins are good, but not good enough. And that there are more than a few weaknesses that need to be addressed before Miami can play with the big boys (i.e. - Colts, Saints, Patriots) and actually

  November 9, 2009

• News Roundup

  The teen charged with the stabbing at Coral Gables high has confessed, but he didn't even know his victim's name, and the fight was provoked by a 'bad face.' [CBS4]A bicyclist in South West Dade was killed in a hit and run. [Herald]Tonight, MTV's 'The City' comes to Miami. We've never seen an episode, but isn't this the one where Awesome New Republic may or may not be featured? [LATimes]Gabrielle Redfern won Miami Beach's commission seat recount, and will face Michael Gongora in the run off on N

  November 10, 2009

• Shaq and Wife Separating, Again

  via PSD​Just a day after rumors made the rounds that the temporary hoops marriage of LeBron James and Shaquille O'Neal might come to an end next year, TMZ reports Shaq and his wife Shaunie are heading for splits-ville again.Shaunie originally filed for divorce in 2007 while Shaq was still playing for the heat, but the two later reconciled. Yesterday she filed for legal separation in California, where divorce laws are generally more favorable to wives, even though the two live in Florida, and i

  November 10, 2009

• King Fishing

  November 12, 2009