South Carolina

Florida Is the Tenth Least Stressed State

On one hand, we have nice beaches and warm weather. On the other, you could get eaten by a python or bath-salts-addled zombie, so we really weren't sure where Florida would fall on Gallup's ranking of the least stressed states. Turns out the Sunshine State made the top ten.

Beautiful Creatures: The Ravishing Chastity Fantasy

GOP Chair Reince Priebus Sued for "Underfranchising" Hispanic Voters

After last month's electoral loss, the Republican Party is desperately trying to make it self over as a Hispanic friendly group, but the fact that a group representing Hispanic Republican voters in Florida has now filed a lawsuit against  Reince Priebus, the national GOP chair with a name that ... More >>

Best French Fries in U.S. Are at Bourbon Steak, Says CNN

In 2008, Bourbon Steak, located on the ground lobby of the Turnberry Isle Hotel & Resort in Aventura served greater Miami the finest upscale steakhouse its seen in ages. In 2011, it was named one of Miami's top five steakhouses by New Times. We've told you about their jerk chicken, fried chicken ... More >>

Burger King Behemoth: Carrols Group Buys 278 Restaurants to Become Miami Chain's Largest Franchisee

Carrols Restaurant Group, Inc. completed a cash-and-stock deal with Miami-based Burger King Corp. earlier this week for 278 restaurants. That gives it a company high total of 574 world-wide. Syracuse-based Carrolls shelled out $16.2 million in cash and a 28.9 percent equity interest to Burger King C ... More >>

Marco Rubio's Ego-fueled Book Tour Runs Through Swing States

Is there such a thing as reading too much into the schedule of a book tour? Maybe, maybe not, but the Associated Press just got a hold of Marco Rubio's touring schedule to promote his upcoming memoir, An American Son, and, well, what do you know, it hits up a whole lot of battle ground states. Appar ... More >>

Milestones in Beer History

Taco Bell Salmonella Alert

According to the Chinese zodiac, 2012 is the Year of the Dragon, but it should be renamed the "Year of the Salmon--ella outbreak and consequent civil suits."Too long?Two lawsuits due to salmonella poisoning have been filed against Taco Bell this year. The second lawsuit, also filed by Marler Clark, ... More >>

Mitt Romney's Victorious Hair Helmet and Five Other Things We'll Miss About the GOP Primary

God bless his hair.​Mitt Romney won yesterday's Florida GOP primary, but we all know who the real victor was. Not Obama. And certainly not the country. No, el gran ganador was Willard's perfectly sculpted mop of Mittitude: his hair.Here are five other things we'll miss now that the political spotl ... More >>

Three New Polls Show Romney and Gingrich Now Tied in Florida

​Not so fast, Newt.Three separate polls released in the past 24 hours and just days ahead of the Florida primary show that Mitt Romney may be one his way to retaking the lead once again. Two polls shows Romney with a slight lead of two percent (those are within the margins of error, so they're tec ... More >>

Gingrich, Romney Ramp Up Florida Campaigning Ahead of State Primary UPDATED

​UPDATE: Turns out Rep. Ron Paul is dumping us -- though it looks like he has mailers going out to voters, Politico reports his campaign is skipping the Florida primary to concentrate on caucuses in February, a decision likely informed by Paul polling horribly&nb ... More >>

Miami New Times' predictions for 2012

Hatuey Beer-Glazed Ham for the Holidays

​This Hatuey Beer-glazed ham can be gracing your holiday table in just 18 days -- or a lot less time than that if you decide to bake one for dinner tonight. Yesterday we talked with Anler Morejon, project manager for Bacardi U.S.A. Inc. and brand manager of Hatuey (ah-TWAY), the iconic Cuban beer ... More >>

Could Jeb Bush Still Enter the GOP Presidential Primary?

​The Confederacy of Dunces that emerged to vie for the GOP presidential primary certainly must have some could-have-been candidates rethinking their decision. After the swift, and often surreal, rises and eventual falls of Michele Bachmann, Rick Perry, and Herman Cain, the race is pretty much down ... More >>

VooDoo BBQ & Grill Announces Florida Expansion

VooDoo BBQ & Grill is coming to town.​Louisiana-based VooDoo BBQ & Grill has announced plans to bring its N'awlins "competition style BBQ" to Florida. The fast-casual chain has signed a deal with a local LLC (whose partnership currently includes the management of several Five Guys Burgers ... More >>

One Out of Four People Reading This Post Are Fat Slobs (And Other New Obesity Stats)

​Let's not sugarcoat our words: The report released yesterday by Trust for America's Health and the Robert Wood Johnson Foundation (RWJF) is just more fodder for the notion that Americans are disgustingly obese people who simply cannot stop stuffing their dumb faces with fake, horrible, lardaceous ... More >>

Florida's bestiality ban won't ruin our good time

In Post-Bestiality Florida, Virtually Everything Else is Still Legal

​In October, a new law will make Florida the 31st state to outlaw bestiality. Yep, we will be tragically separated from the furry and hoofed objects of our lust, for no reason other than a pesky species divide. It's like a modern day Romeo and Juliet tale, if Shakespeare had had the guts to us ... More >>

Suspect in Second Miami Beach Memorial Day Shooting is 45-Year-Old South Carolina Fireman

​While the shooting involving Raymond Herisse is dominating headlines, police have released details in the second police-involved shooting that happened on Monday morning in Miami Beach during Urban Beach Weekend. Though the suspect in the second shooting appears to be a bit surprising. He's a 45- ... More >>

Barron Sherer Seen Eating... A Really Quiet Snack at a Movie

Janette Valentine​Barron Sherer is a filmmaker, film archivist, and general curator of cool cultural happenings in Miami. And by film, we mean actual celluloid, not digital.For a decade, the South Carolina transplant has created and produced film showings throughout town, most notably the Rewind/F ... More >>

Punk Legends The Independents To Play Churchill's Halloween Weekend

Photo by Bob GruenThe Independents circa '97.​We're a little sick and tired of people sportin' mall-bought Ramones t-shirts just to be ironic. Most of those kids have no idea who Sheena is, let alone that she was a punk rocker. They weren't enrolled in rock 'n' roll high school, they never wanted ... More >>

Seasons 52: Another Chain To Choke Miracle Mile

Just what the depressed Coral Gables dining scene needs: Another  corporate restaurant chain. The newest malignant link is Seasons 52, which aims to exploit the trend towards eating local, seasonal, healthy food. A press release lists two upcoming seafood entrees: Caramelized sea scallops and c ... More >>

Literary Devices

Segundo City

For 14-1 Hurricanes Basketball, the Real Season Begins This Weekend

via Hurricanes Sport​Miami has never been a huge college basketball town. There was a bit of buzz when FIU reeled in Isiah Thomas, but they're off to a 5-13 start. Sorry Zeke, maybe things will turn around when you can make an impact on recruiting.Then you've got the Miami Hurricanes. Overshadowed ... More >>

Does Great Food Make Us Unhappy?

The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention released its long anticipated happiness ratings last week. The study, using data collected from 1.3 million people across the country over the past four years, found that the happiest folks tended to live in states with a high quality of life. No surpri ... More >>

It's a Beer Bonanza at Cervezas

​Two Saturdays ago, a beer bar with a no-bullshit name opened up in the shadow of the Shops at Sunset. From its trio of giant booze fridges, Cervezas (5835 Sunset Dr., South Miami) serves up an international selection of bottled brews, including Canada's Labatt Blue, China's Tsing Tao, and Britain ... More >>

Tennis’s Crystal Ball

Balls Out: Miami FC Joins Renegade Soccer League

C. StilesCan't stop. Won't stop.​Depending on how much of a die-hard soccer fan you are, watching South Florida's pro soccer team Miami FC's front-office machinations can be more interesting than any of its on-field action. In its effort to survive, the club has tried everything. It's signed the B ... More >>

Can We Please Shut Up About Joe Wilson?

via Zazzle​Last night the President of the United States spoke before a special joint session of Congress to defend an issue that may very well come to define his first term in office. He also gave a stirring defense of good ol' fashioned American Liberalsim with no apologies, something we haven't ... More >>

Ballpark's Hot Dog Roadtrip Names Miami in Top Ten Hot Dog Consuming Cities

Jacob KatelConrado's Hot Dog Carrito Wheels and Deal in Wynwood​Don't choke on that sausage. Pause. Let the meat slide down your throat. Miami ranks 9th on a list of places where people like wiener meat in their buns. The new list, released by Ballpark, names the 10 most hot dog consuming cities b ... More >>

The Shortest Distance Between Two Writers

The Shortest Distance Between Two Writers

A New Black Market in Miami Is About to Explode

Jeopardy! time. This black-market product costs governments worldwide $50 billion every year; fuels Hezbollah, the PKK, and other terrorist cells; and runs on global crime syndicates and hundreds of underground factories in China and Eastern Europe.via Wikimedia CommonsWhat is heroin, you say? Cocai ... More >>

Miami's Medicare Racket: Eight More Indicted in $100 Million Fraud

Let's go ahead and just christen it the cocaine trade of the Double-Aughts: Medicare fraud may be a lot less sexy, but it sure is keeping federal prosecutors in Miami busy.One month after busting up a $21 million, three-state ring, the feds expanded that investigation and charged eight Miami re ... More >>

Freestyle Music Park in South Carolina Sadly Not Devoted to Debbie Deb, Nice N Wild

Last year, the $400 million music-themed Hard Rock Park opened in Myrtle Beach, marking "the largest tourist investment in South Carolina history." But seems like while dropping all that dough, nobody bothered to think that oops, the Hard Rock chain of hotels, restaurants, and casinos might care. An ... More >>

The Addison -- Chef Joe Hahn Talks Boca Raton

I recently spoke to chef Joe Hahn of The Addison in Boca Raton. He talked about being a dishwasher, brunch, and volcano tuna. Here's what he had to say."I'm just the chef, been the executive chef for about a year now.Last five years before coming here, I was at Maxwell's Chop House. I brought all t ... More >>

How Esquire Rates Miami Food and Drink (A Partial Retrospective)

I recently came into possession of a half-dozen back issues of Esquire, a magazine somewhat obsessed with naming the best of this and the best of that. The food section is no exception -- three of the issues I thumbed through featured such listings. I took a tally to see how Miami fared:MARCH ISSUE: ... More >>

The Independents

The Independents

Maximum Partying Capacity

Letters to the Editor

From the issue of July 26, 2001

Songs About Wedgies

Carla Ulbrich

News of the Weird

News of the Weird

News of the Weird

Sturm and Clang

Program Notes 13

Bye Bye Birdie

Alex Daoud, Miami Beach's own Icarus, finally lands in the hoosegow

Program Notes