Socialites

Cannes: Not Even the Gifted Emma Watson Can Raise The Bling Ring

But I haven't given up on Sofia Coppola.

Kardashian, Armstrong and More: Five Celebrities We Want to See Open a Miami Restaurant

With the South Beach Wine & Food Festival a mere stone's throw away, we can't help but think of all the traffic, money, and celebrities the bash will bring. Sure, South Beach will be a pain in the ass to get around for those four days, but take into account all the tourism money and publicity this ... More >>

Jonathan Cheban and Kim Kardashian Lunch While He Awaits the Opening of Sushi MiKasa

Kardashian pal, reality television personality, and restaurateur Jonathan Cheban is putting the final touches on the South Beach outpost of his Brooklyn eatery, Sushi MiKasa.The restaurant, which was slated to open in time for Art Basel, isn't quite ready, but the Brooklyn flagship did mention that ... More >>

Kanye Quits Twitter! Blame Kim Kardashian and These Five Other Possible Censors

Guys ... Kanye is acting really weird. In a totally uncharacteristic move, the mouthiest, most self-righteous rapper breathing deleted all his genius tweets, with basically no warning or explanation. How could he do such a thing? Like, we're gonna let you finish ... But Kanye West is the best twe ... More >>

Blond:ish to Paris Hilton and Aspiring Female DJs: "If You Want Respect, Don't DJ Topless"

Dumb blonde bimbo DJs? The EDM industry already has one Paris Hilton. Montreal's Blond:ish, on the other hand, isn't messing around. With a reputation for driving, body-jacking DJ sets, the duo exploded onto the international scene this past year with some auspicious tech-house releases on Kompakt ... More >>

Kim Kardashian "Honored" to be Kanye's "Perfect Bitch," Causes Twitter Uproar

See also "Kanye West Calls Kim Kardashian "Perfect Bitch," Plus Five Other Adorable Rap Pet Names." Kanye's a sweetheart. And when he calls someone a "bitch," it's cute. In fact, it's an honor. Yesterday, we mentioned that Yeezy debuted his latest Kim Kardashian love song, "Perfect Bitch," this p ... More >>

Paris Hilton's DJ Debut Sucked Balls: An Extremely Detailed Breakdown

And the award for shittiest, most tragic DJ in the entire universe goes to ... The slut in the awkward construction paper dress! Oh, we mean Paris Hilton, obviously. Remember when Crossfade told you that Paris was bound to ruin everything with her DJ premiere at the Pop Music Festival in Brazil? W ... More >>

Kanye West and Kim Kardashian: Three Reasons They Should Shack Up

About two months ago, Kanye West released a Kim Kardashian love song (and Kris Humphries diss track) titled "Theraflu." You know, like cold medicine. Since then, the rapper and reality star have neither confirmed nor denied their relationship. But they've totally been spotted holding hands and kis ... More >>

Afrojack Says He "Didn't Know Shit" About Paris Hilton's DJ Debut

Hey, Afrojack. Remember when we found out that Paris Hilton is debuting her DJ career at Pop Music Festival next month in Brazil, and we thought it was stupid? Then we were like, "Wait, isn't she dating Afrojack?" And we got kind of upset because we thought maybe you had something to do with it. ... More >>

Paris Hilton to Make DJ Debut in Brazil, Ruin Everything

Electro is so dead. When Madonna jumped on the EDM train and started yelling about her friend Molly, it was bad enough. But now, famous-for-being-rich-and-skanky Paris Hilton is poised to hop on that bleeping-blooping choo-choo and wreck it in front of thousands of Brasileño dance music fans. The ... More >>

Kanye West's Inevitable Kardashians Cameo and Five Other Predictions for His Downward Spiral

How adorable are Kanye West and Kim Kardashian, y'all? They're like the cutest rebound couple ever! But don't remind Kim's stepfather, former Olympian-turned-cosmetic-surgery-disaster Bruce Jenner, that they're dating. TMZ reports that Jenner was at a speaking engagement at Northeastern University ... More >>

Jeremy Lin Needs to Beware Coochie Power

​Luther Campbell, the man whose booty-shaking madness made the U.S. Supreme Court stand up for free speech, gets as nasty as he wants to be for Miami New Times. This week, Luke counsels New York Knicks guard Jeremy Lin. The New York Knicks and Jeremy Lin are coming to town this Thursday, February ... More >>

Join Cedric Gervais for Some F#$%ing and Dancing With the Stars on December 8

Yes, suave Frenchman and electronic stud Cedric Gervais is one of Planet Earth's top disc jockeys to the stars, especially the TV types, sports celebs, talking heads, professionally sexy people, and tabloid regulars who totally love to dance during prime time. He regularly mans the decks as celebut ... More >>

Kim Kardashian's Next Husband Is Gonna Be...

Luther "Luke" Campbell, the man whose booty-shaking madness made the U.S. Supreme Court stand up for free speech, gets as nasty as he wants to be for Miami New Times. This week, Luke has some relationship advice for Kim Kardashian.It shouldn't surprise anyone interested in celebrity culture that Kim ... More >>

Mickey Avalon at LIV October 5

Gavin Rossdale's Daughter Daisy Lowe Gets Naked for Playboy NSFW

Photo by Tony Kelly/Courtesy of PlayboyModel, celebutante, and Gavin Rossdale's daughter Daisy Lowe.​Do you remember the Alternative Revolution? Well, you're old. Grunge is ancient fucking history. And all those '90s babies born during the reign of George H.W. Bush are grown up and getting nake ... More >>

Nicky Hilton Parties, Jamie DeRosa Cooks at Dream Hotel Grand Opening (Photos)

Rodrigo Gaya Nicky Hilton at the Dream Hotel​The Dream Hotel South Beach held a weekend-long party to celebrate the official grand opening of their Miami Beach location. The party started on Saturday evening, as guests were greeted by fire eaters, welcome cocktails and models in gold swims ... More >>

Drunk Astronomy

Fake Out

LeBron James, Gerald Posner, and Rick Sanchez Make List of "50 Most Deplorable Americans"

via The Buffalo Beast​Every year we here at the Miami New Times humbly offer our Dirty Dozen of the worst locals of the year. Ever year, Buffalo's own alt weekly, The Beast, takes the concept a bit farther with the 50 most deplorable Americans of the year. Their edition this year, though, is rife ... More >>

Swedish House Mafia's Sebastian Ingrosso Talks Masquerade Motel, WMC, and Paris Hilton

​Only a couple of years ago, Swedish House Mafia members Sebastian Ingrosso, Steve Angello, and Axwell were an underground triumvirate known mostly to hardcore partiers, EDM addicts, and wannabe DJs. But now these three club thugs are making serious moves into the mainstream. With its new album ... More >>

Cute Overload

Tweens Get an Elixir

LeBron James Embraces His Evil Side: 5 Ways The King Can Become a Super-Villain

Like Hulk Hogan before him, LeBron needs to embrace his new evil identity: "Jefe Jaime"​All summer, everybody's been hating on LeBron and the Heat. First, some bitter buckeye called the team evil. Just last week, James was named the sixth most hated athlete in America. So what's a superstar t ... More >>

Ke$ha

Dogs and Dining on Lincoln Road: Dodge Them or Love Them?

In the August issue of Travel and Leisure Magazine Miami Beach is touted as a tourist destination gone "gaga" for dogs. Lincoln Road is seen as the epicenter of fashionable canine flaunting. But is this four-legged invasion a nuisance or can we peacefully coexist with our neighbors' furry companions ... More >>

Laughs for the Masses

They Might Be Tiny, But These Lucky Dogs Sure Made It Big

​When we saw that the Wall Street Journal whipped up a stipple portrait of Conchita, the Ginger-wig-wearing Chihuahua that belonged to the late Miami socialite Gail Posner, Banana Republican got to thinking what a grand life these little bug-eyed rat-dogs lead. So we compiled a list of the five mo ... More >>

Camacho Man

Meet the Cast of Miami Social, You May Want To Immediately Lose Their Number, But At Least Say Hi

Top row: Katrina, Ariel, Maria, George. Bottom row: Hardy, Sorah, Michael. Miami Social is everything you hate about Miami Beach. It is the reality television iteration of guest list culture, of egotistical 30 somethings who've mistaken a sense of self for being able to get a bottle of Goose co ... More >>

Splish, Splash, Splice

Miami Social Set to Debut Next Month

Possible cast for Miami Social: George French, Hardy Hill, Sorah Daiha, Katrina Campins, Michael H. Cohen, Maria Lankina, and Ariel Stein.Word around town is that an air date has finally been set for Miami's latest reality series (being billed as a "docu-drama"). Details from Bravo TV's Miami Socia ... More >>

Nicole Richie and Daughter Ambushed at MIA

via Nylon MagazineSlow news day. Let's see what's going on in the celebrity Twittersphere!Nicole Richie, her daughter, and Joel Madden, that guy she dates who's in that band with his twin brother Nelson The Proclaimers Tegan & Sara Good Charlotte are vacationing in Miami, but their trip got of t ... More >>

For the Fashionably Conscious

Over the Weekend - Victoria's Secret Fashion Show, Shine 3 Year Anniversary and Joe Jackson

What's up with the sudden chill? It ruined our plans to hangout poolside on Sunday with plenty of stiff drinks to go around. Well, the drinking still happened, but we were bundled up indoors. The biggest news this weekend, of course, was the reopening of the Fontainebleau Hotel. Plenty of celebriti ... More >>

Why Would Anyone Want to be Paris' BFF?

Castro Is Dead. Or Not.

High Style, Low Prices

Support a local designer at his one-day sale

King No More

The Red String Club

Lifestyles of the Rich and Shameless

Adios, Fidelito

Our suggestions for the corpse

Movin’ Out

Various Artists

DJ Kicks: Annie (K7)

BEST LOCAL ZINE

Ego Miami

Where's Paris?

America's favorite babe bypasses party in her honor

Imperial Teen

On (Merge Records)

Found Memories