Subject: Shaquille O'Neal

• The Heat Take the Division

  April 12, 2007

• Shaq's Resume Gets Taller

  March 8, 2007

• Shaq and Shaunie Spray for a Good Cause

  May 14, 2007

• Shaq for Marion? Make it Happen

  February 6, 2008

• Magic City Kitty - Yo! MCK Raps "Kobe, How Does My Ass Taste?"

  June 24, 2008

• The Best of Shaq

  June 16, 2005

• Feeder Bands

  September 1, 2005

• Zo's da Man!

  November 24, 2005

• Shaq Twitters Himself Silly

  Rich Sanchez and his CNN show certainly have caught the twitter bug, and now another former Miami fixture is twittering his thumbnails off, too. Our New Times brethren in Phoenix report that the 7'1 superstar has his own twitter account, and apparently it's legit. Shaq is really into twitter, but he has typing skills that would make even middle school livejournal users cringe: "On my way 2 da arena. I feel like the main charachter n da movie 300"

  November 21, 2008

• Shaq, Jack Thompson, Carlos Alvarez and Alberto Carvalho Among 2008's Dirty Dozen

  Every year, the New Times staff picks the 12 people who have managed to disgrace themselves and, guilty by association, the city. This year's Dirty Dozen included everyone from former Heat, current Phoenix Suns player Shaq to possibly hairy-puss aficionado Alberto Carvalho. Check out our Dirty Dozen illustration below and feel free to download the PDF so you can snicker at it throughout 2008.By the way, is it too early to speculate who will be on the list in 2009?Illustration by Derf

  January 1, 2009

• Head Spins: DJ Affect

  One gets the impression that if there were eight days in a week, DJ Affect would be spinning each and every one of 'em. Hell, it's a bet he'd be spinning every day of the week if there were 10 or 12 or 20 -- that's how driven the cat is. When you're already spinning seven out of seven, what's a few more anyway?Yep, you read correctly. DJ Affect is in effect seven days of the week, and one of those, Friday is out of town: at Pangea, the Austin location. Locally, he's everywhere from The Forge&nbs

  January 5, 2009

• A Shaq is Born

  February 23, 1994

• Shaq Returns, Has Not Yet Twittered from Miami

  via TwitPicSo far, it has to have been a strange week for Shaq. Perhaps not as weird as the first week shooting Shazam, but strange nonetheless. Scheduling has forced the man to do an impromptu tour of his former teams. On Saturday, Shaq and the Suns beat Kobe and the Lakers at home; then last night, they lost to Orlando. Today, the big man returns to take on the Heat, and will play in the AAA for the first time since he was traded. The Heat, with one of only six winning recods in the Eastern Co

  March 4, 2009

• That Championship Season

  June 1, 1994

• Swelter 8

  June 8, 1995

• You Down with OCD? Yeah, You Know Me

  Videogames linked to obsessive, Tony Shalhoub-type behavior.

  October 16, 2008

• The Pygmy Pimp

  May 15, 2008

• Re-Heat

  The Miami Heat looks to rebuild by moving its biggest piece.

  February 21, 2008

• Jaded Fan, Meet Dwyane Wade

  Despite a season of horrors, his greatness is still worth watching.

  February 7, 2008

• Park Performances

  See, outdoor fun can also be highbrow!

  January 17, 2008

• Buck in Time

  December 27, 2007

• The Prozac Peninsula

  The Heat tries to turn our frown upside down.

  December 13, 2007

• Penny for Your Backcourt?

  October 4, 2007

• The Heat Times Three

  January 19, 2006

• We Want Mo’ Zo!

  November 23, 2006

• A Swish Best Served Cold

  March 1, 2007

• Heat It Up

  March 22, 2007

• Green With Envy

  April 12, 2007

• Groove with You

  July 12, 2007

• Tom Laroc and Ron Luna

  July 20, 2006

• The Bad Seed Awards

  February 2, 2006

• Shaq Fans for Life

  September 22, 2005

• Black Sheep

  September 15, 2005

• Ballin' with Your Buddies

  August 4, 2005

• BEST LOCAL SPORTS COACH

  May 12, 2005

• BEST HEAT PLAYER

  May 12, 2005

• Gaucho Meats Cowboy

  December 16, 2004

• Letters from the Issue of , 2002

  September 23, 2004

• Night&Day

  August 5, 2004

• Current Events

  July 29, 2004

• In Classy Show of Humility, Shaq Offers to Taste Kobe Bryant's Ass

  Before the NBA Finals began, there were quite a few columns written about this Magic-Lakers series being haunted by the Ghost of Shaquille O'Neal -- you know, because the former Miami fixture played for both teams and has had such a contentious history with Kobe Bryant. Seemed like a bit of a reach to us, but Shaq embraced it, announcing his endorsement of the Lakers and talking inexplicable smack about Dwight Howard.And after Los Angeles finished a five-game vanquishing of Orlando last night,

  June 15, 2009

• Shaquille O'Neal vs. The Korean Giant Who Kicked Jose Canseco's Ass

  Last month, we reported that Riptide's boxing match against Michael Lohan would still go on even though Jose Canseco got his ass kicked in Japan by a Korean giant. Huh? Y'know, you should probably just read it.Anyway, earlier this week, former Miamian-and-now-despised-jerk Shaquille O'Neal challenged Hong Man Choi -- the Mixed Martial Arts giant who kicked Canseco's ass -- to a fight upon his retirement. Shaq also pretty much called Canseco the low-hanging fruit of the celebrity-fighting world,

  June 19, 2009

• Weekend of Steel

  June 25, 2009

• Report: Shaq's House Sold With $19 Million Discount

  via Kevin TomlinsonThere once was a time, before the real estate crash, before the credit crunch, and before the global economic meltdown, when Shaquille O'Neal figured he could sell his Star Island mansion for between $32 and $35 million. That was 2005, and this is now. Joan Fleischman reported this morning that Shaq has finally sold the house after four long years, but didn't have a name of the buyer or a price. Now the South Beach Condos Blog is reporting that the deal went down for a me

  June 25, 2009

• Shaq Has Questionable Taste in Art

  Seems that during his time in Miami Shaq didn't get out much to Wynwood, as he seems to think Peter Max is the best artist since Picasso. I'm sure fans of Rauschenberg, Warhol, Pollock, de Kooning and just about every major artist to emerge since Picasso unveiled Guernica would have something to say about that.  Uh, besides wouldn't the fact someone is working with Shaq call into question their status as an artist, let alone the greatest since Picasso? 

  July 2, 2009

• Non-New Times Media Catches up to Dwyane Wade's Baron Nemesis Story... Sort of

  Jacob Katel This is the face Dwyane Wade makes when you say the words "Richard von Houtman".​Earlier this month, New Times published "Dwyane's Disaster," a feature on the catastrophic business relationship Heat superstar Dwyane Wade formed with Baron Richard von Houtman- an accused wife-beater with druglord ties. In case you were wondering what the Baron thought about our story, he called us up a few days after it was published and declared, "I think you were a bit cruel to me.

  July 28, 2009

• RE: Beasley's Tweet-cident: Time for Riley and Wade to Step Up

  Wikicommons​The Miami Heat's Michael Beasley clearly has a lot of emotional problems, which were well-documented even before a bunch of people thought they saw some weed in a self-taken Twitter photo this past weekend. How extensive these problems are I can't possibly speculate. But only a very sensitive person with a lot of hidden inner turmoil responds to amateur CSI-criticism with tweets like, "Feelin like it's not worth livin!!!!!! I'm done." And rather than taking shots at Beas

  August 25, 2009

• Three-Feat

  October 29, 2009

• Top Five Dream Miami Heat Lineups for 2010

  Photo by Keith Allison, via Flickr​Running off the pure optimism of Wednesday night's opening beat-down of the New York Knicks, I present to you the top five Miami Heat starting lineups for the 2010-2011 season.As most fans know, the Heat will have perhaps the best cap space situation in the league next summer to lure free agents, thanks to Pat Riley's admirable discipline in not throwing a bad contract to some schlub this summer just to calm the moronic fan base. Some of that $20-22 million

  October 30, 2009

• Shaq and Wife Separating, Again

  via PSD​Just a day after rumors made the rounds that the temporary hoops marriage of LeBron James and Shaquille O'Neal might come to an end next year, TMZ reports Shaq and his wife Shaunie are heading for splits-ville again.Shaunie originally filed for divorce in 2007 while Shaq was still playing for the heat, but the two later reconciled. Yesterday she filed for legal separation in California, where divorce laws are generally more favorable to wives, even though the two live in Florida, and i

  November 10, 2009